“Cha-ching! I found bras!”

Justin’s rating: They don’t make iZone film any more! That’s so unfair!

Justin’s review: Please don’t stone me or flag my reviews as unsafe for your Nanny Patrol programs. I promise that I’m not a creepy older guy reviewing tweenie flicks for some perverted purpose. It’s more the allure of a film that screams, in all its colorful flowers and pink/purple décor, “This movie was NOT meant for your demographic! At all. Go away. You’re ruining my life!”

Pish. That never stopped me before. I got down and dirty with You Got Served, and I just got nominated for the Guinness Book of World Records as “The only male to have actually seen all The Perfect Man.” So why not Sleepover?

Five Reasons To See Sleepover, As Told By Justin:

1. Because it weirds your friends and family out. This can be a powerful tool, as you may have good reasons to avoid a thanksgiving reunion.
2. Because, as a guy, you’ve always been curious what girls really did at these mythical sleepovers. Guy sleepovers were usually eight hours of video game, pizza, and belching. Girl sleepovers were mysteries. After watching this movie, I now know that girl sleepovers are pretty much a psychedelic acid trip of toenail painting, boxer shorts stealing, and skateboarding while wearing dresses.
3. There’s a tiny green electric car that you will swear can transform into one of the minor Autobots. I don’t know why, but this interests me.
4. Steve Carell is in it. Seriously. He’s the security cop that the girls have to outwit and evade, and although he doesn’t get much screen time, Carell’s deadpan glare is always downright hilarious.
5. I also got a kick out of the lead girl’s brother, played by Sam Huntington. Sam had a good part in Not Another Teen Movie and Jimmy Olsen in Superman Returns, and he pulls off a slightly dim-witted college kid with more acting aplomb than the rest of the cast.

Five Reasons To Avoid Sleepover Like The Pink Plague It Is, As Told By Justin:

1. None, and I mean none, of the girls can act. True, these are supposed to be 8th grade girls and for all I know they actually cast 12-year-olds in the part, but they are far over their heads here. And since the dialogue is sophomoric and the actual demands of the acting is either “look concerned about being caught” or “look ecstatic because you rule since you’re a 12-year-old and covered in pink sparkles”, that’s saying something.
2. The slightly overweight girl is eventually paired up with the fat boy, and this is seen as a victory. This is a movie cliché that I loathe. Her entire character is summed up in being only slightly down because of her weight, and wishing she had a guy (one of her friends actually advises her to find a “guy who likes brownies, too”). So the filmmakers condescendingly have her bump into a plus-sized guy and they make googley eyes at each other. There’s no allowing a fat movie person to meet someone thinner and falling in mutual love. I’d also like to point out that chubby girl is nowhere on the cover of the DVD or movie poster art. The other three girls are. Take that as you will.
3. One of the girls hooks up with a “secret date” over the internet, which turns out to be her adult teacher, and when they meet at a bar, it becomes the most awkward scene in movie history, ever. In the real world, this guy would be fired in a split second (especially since the girls take pictures of the event) or arrested or worse.
4. The girls break the mom’s rules, get caught, and then get off without any repercussions. Okay, this is the responsible dad adult in me, but this struck me as highly unrealistic. Any mom I know who found out their daughter had snuck out of the house without permission and visited, among other things, an adult night club, would be grounded until the next presidential election. Instead, Sleepover does the whole mother-daughter sharing of a smile and “oh my you’re growing up” horse crap. Also, there are 8th grade girls driving two different cars around this town, which is a truly scary thought if you dwell on it.
5. The girls sing and dance to the Spice Girls. We’ve entered hell, going down.

So, okay, it’s not really worth seeing, no matter what demographic in which you might currently reside. At least it didn’t descend to the depths of idiocy of The Perfect Man, although this might be considered a good running start in that direction.

Didja notice?

• Brought to you by the color pink
• Ooh! Skateboarding hunk!
• “Ladybugs” is a good sleepover theme
• “For the love of carbs”?
• Girls, if you don’t have sex with your boyfriends, they won’t respect you and will dump you. This is the message of Sleepover.
• The pastels… are… everywhere
• Hey! It’s Steve Carrel! Spitting Coke!
• Friend thongs? Ew.
• ULTIMATE ANYTHING! I have no idea what that is.
• Apparently, your lunch spot in high school determines your entire future. Bet you didn’t know that.
• So you can rip dresses and they come out looking BETTER?
• There’s a lot of mannequin molestation going on
• Hey kids, it’s never creepy when your junior high teacher is your secret blind date! Well, yes it is.
• She sniffs the hunk’s shoe? With a smile? Wha- why?
• It’s Summer Glau from Firefly/Serenity in a bit role.