“What in the ding dong hecka-ma-doodle-hell is that thing?”

Justin’s rating: Looking forward to the sequel, Peopleseed!

Justin’s review: Ah, Full Moon Entertainment, for when you want to wash the taste of good movies out of your mouth. Full Moon, for when you are willing to settle for your entertainment — and then some. Full Moon, which never said “no” to blatant plagiarism. Full Moon, where the lack of budget is painfully felt in every single shot.

There’s really nothing to say in defense of Charles Band’s cinematic plague other than sometimes you just want some bottom-of-the-barrel stories that end up being entertainingly bad. Today’s narrative is Seedpeople, a Body Snatchers rip-off of a sort. Love the title, though. Kind of want to form a rock band, just to give it that name.

Anyway, Tom (Sam Hennings) is a meteor expert or somesuch who is invited back to his old hometown of Comet Valley to give a talk on space rocks. And wouldn’t you know it, space rocks fall down during his visit — ones that contain alien spores. Following Tom around is his own ham-handed narration, which I guess was necessary to fill in the blanks of this complicated story. Considering the 80-minute runtime, there’s nary a moment to spare actually showing instead of telling!

Anyway, Tom awkwardly reconnects with his old flame Heidi (Andrea Roth, who I swear looks like Christina Applegate) and develops some friction with her new deputy sheriff boyfriend. The only bridge out of town — yes, there is only one — is under construction, and everyone gradually realizes that there’s a full-blown alien invasion underway. People are getting infected with spores — seeds, if you will — which grow into alien duplicates of them. It’s kind of fun to watch Kim, Heidi’s kid, become repeatedly terrorized by all of the aliens while nobody believes her. I’m also a fan of the local crazy doc who throws UV lights all over his body for protection. Again, it’s Body Snatchers all the way down.

The aliens seem content to try to live life as wooden imposters while luring others into being exposed to other seedpods. Also, apparently they can turn from their human form into these weird goblin-esque things and back at will, although this is never clearly explained. And they can read your mind. Also never explained. My favorite thing about them is that, unlike Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the aliens randomly change into their grotesque forms just for the sheer heck of scaring people. I mean, that makes sense if you’re trying to be stealthy, right?

While there is the occasional moment of lunacy and terrible acting, for the most part Seedpeople is actually trying to be a solid alien creature feature. Unfortunately, that means that there’s little to recommend it. Full Moon pictures are the best when they’re absolutely gonzo or flat-out terrible. Semi-competent, and they only make you want to watch whatever film they’re obviously cribbing.

So there’s a little bit of paranoia, a little bit of rubber suit alien work, some pleasant Pacific Northwest scenery, and a wardrobe provided by Denim Warehouse. It’s not scary or anything, although little boys might be amused by the goop that the aliens like to sling around and the insect-like faces. All in all, Seedpeople is a breezy throwback alien invasion movie with a steady hand at the keel.

Didja notice?

• That’s the worst hospital sign ever
• FBI loves to barge into trauma rooms to interrogate patients
• “I’m not the complacent little butterfly when you and I were an item.” Yeah. That’s a normal thing that a person would say.
• “You’re right. I’m sorry. Cookie?” made me laugh.
• Yeah, go ahead and poke the weird looking alien pod, see where that gets you
• GIANT CAMCORDER ALERT
• That’s not a platonic hug
• I think you’re overdoing it on seeds there, tree
• The kids spiking the punch in a room full of 20 adults
• So many poorly made signs in this movie
• You can’t shoot plants, you have to chop them up
• Doc’s UV outfit