“You’re like Daniel Boone that was bitten by a radioactive Davy Crockett!”
Nancy’s rating: Sounded, looked, coulda been so good.
Nancy’s review: Hello. My name is Mark Hamill.
Let’s talk about my movie, called Comic Book: The Movie.
Obviously, I’m a star. I was a major character in one of culture’s biggest franchises. I epitomize youthful exuberance and angst-y teenagers identify with my relationships with my father — one of betrayal and all out war. I’m a king. I’m an icon. I’m a god. But, do I take this place in pop culture with a grain of salt? Am I willing to simply smile and wave at my fans, and then go to bed thinking “I’m only human?”
I’m so full of myself; I can’t stand all these fanatics freaking out over the sight of ‘Luke Skywalker’ all day every day. People dress up like Luke and stand under my windowsill at night! I mean, Harrison Ford doesn’t have to deal with this. Perhaps that’s because he was also Indiana Jones and has a slew of other acting credentials. Harrison Ford is Harrison Ford, while Mark Hamill is merely Luke Skywalker. And because of that, I’ve got two complexes — An inferiority complex which allows me to make crap like this, and a superiority complex that allows me to think I’m clever enough to do so. Lemme tell ya, I’m a bitter fellow.
So who am I taking it out on in this film? My fans. My loyal fans who just want to love me. I’m making a movie about how crazy and psychotic they really can be. I’m making a movie that mildly mocks people who devote their lives to fandom. And I’ll even get so down and dirty to PLAY one of them. I’ll make myself into a history teacher from Wisconsin — what could be lamer than THAT? — and I’ll just give everyone a good taste of what it’s like to be me. Surrounded by weirdos.
Oh, I’ll throw Kevin Smith, Hugh Heffner, and Bruce Campbell on the cover, but I won’t give them more than ten minutes of screentime. Oh, I’ll play it all of like it’s a documentary, but no one will believe it. That’s because my acting won’t be convincing, it will be stiff and riding off cliches. Oh, I’ll GET Billy West, the mildly creepy voice of Ren & Stimpy. Oh, he’ll be KINDA funny.
Oh, you’ll get a few laughs, but they won’t be my fault.
Yes, yes, I’ll play this movie off like a salute to comic freaks, but really it’s my own self-indulgent piece of mockery. This is a full on leap into I-think-I’m-so-funny world. This is me MOCKING the people that allow me to mortgage this MANSION and the people who are the reason I am able to own a solid gold poodle (Shout out to Poopsy! I love you!).
Oh, and it will be boring. By God, will it be boring. So boring Nancy will leave it on, get up and go do other things. You’ll get so much done watching my movie; it’s like an inspirational movie to get to your to-do list. And see guys, this is the best I can do!
I’m Mark Hamill. This is what I’m all about.
- All of our friends are in this movie! I especially like the Joker.
- Hugh Heffner is the first go-to comic books guy
- Billy West standing next to a cut-out of Fry from Futurama (He does the voice of Fry)
- The three men at the table – who ask Donald to sit with them but Donald is scared away – are Chewbacca, Darth Vader, and Boba Fett.