“No! You’re not funny, I’m funny!”

Justin’s rating: At least they’re not fighting xenomorphs, so look at the bright side!

Justin’s review: Isn’t it kind of fascinating to peek into the early years of famous directors’ filmography to see what they were capable of creating before the fame and major paychecks arrived? I think so, at least. We’ve got George Lucas’ THX-1138, Stephen Spielberg’s Duel, Paul Verhoeven’s Flesh and Blood, David Fincher’s Alien 3, David Twohy’s Timescape, Ridley Scott’s The Duellists, and so on. All flawed yet laced with potential and raw genius.

And while Moon 44 wasn’t Roland Emmerich’s first project, it fits comfortably into that “before he hit it big” era. Y’know, back when he was a mere scifi geek desperate to prove himself (also see 1985’s Making Contact).

It’s 2038, and while every single resource on Earth — even nostalgic movie review websites — has been depleted, apparently we’ve been able to go to the stars and start depleting all of these other places too. You’d think that the galaxy would present near-infinite levels of materials, but I guess not? In any case, a bunch of corporations are squabbling over places like Moon 44, a mining colony run by a laconic Malcolm McDowell.

With Moon 44 owners’ back to the wall, the corporation approves a defense team to protect the planet with futuristic helicopters: a bunch of young geeks to be the navigators and a group of reluctant convicts to serve as the pilots. It was kind of crazy to see that one of these cons was none other than Brian Thompson, who’ve I’ve always known as the alien bounty hunter from X-Files.

Mixed in with the pilots is an undercover IA agent named Felix Stone (Michael Pare, The Philadelphia Experiment), who serves as our studly hero who’s also trying to ferret out where some missing hardware has gone. But mostly he just walks and smokes in slow motion along with two groups of disparate types tying to become an effective fighting force.

Moon 44 absolutely surpasses expectations with its sets and models. It’s a comfortable mix of Alien and Blade Runner‘s industrial cyberpunk futurism, both in sets and models. I’ve seen so, so many scifi B-movies that hardly try in this regard, but Emmerich goes pretty hard giving this world texture and grit.

While the eye candy is very decent for the time and budget, I wish I could say the same about the plot and acting. Moon 44 kind of wants to be, in turn, a Top Gun knock-off and a prison movie. The combination simply doesn’t work.

Whatever sense of adventure and action this film wants to be evaporates when teenage kids are terrorized and even sexually assaulted. There’s zero explanation or excuse for why any company or military would throw hardened criminals into the same living quarters as innocent teens, and that gigantic plot hole kept me incredibly distracted.

The helicopter sequences aren’t all they could be, either, with darkness and dry ice covering for what I imagine are a whole bunch of budgetary limitations. So don’t expect a lot of clear-cut dogfighting or chase sequences. You’ll also be yelling at your screen, “Why helicopters in space?” and frustrated with a lack of reply. Why not some combat vespa scooters?

Moon 44 is, to put it kindly, rough around its edges. And rough in its center. A little rough in its language. It’s rough, is what I’m saying. If I was nitpicky enough to make a pros and cons column, I suspect they’d come up pretty even. That’s not a dealbreaker, by the way; “even” is a win with these kinds of flicks. Plus, it was good enough to give Emmerich a shot at Universal Soldier and the rest of his ascent into Hollywood, so it’s interesting to watch this knowing that it got him noticed.

Intermission!

• Excuse me? Teacher? Could you tell me and the rest of the class where the “outer zone” is? No? Oh.
• Oh man those Blade Runner vibes…
• If prison bars move that much, perhaps they’re not secure?
• “You some kind of tough guy?” “Maybe.”
• Probably not a good idea to have the convicts bunk with the teenage kids
• Yes, let’s ALL make a mess with our food!
• “If you’re such a great leader of men, why aren’t you an officer?” BURN
• Cockroaches are seasoning
• Does EVERYONE know that Stone is internal affairs?
• Yum, drinking raw eggs!
• “Scooter was murdered!” is not the weighty statement you thought it would be
• Space boomboxes are the perfect containers for drugs