WAIT! This is Part Two of a series! Read Part One HERE.

WAIT AGAIN!  Spoilers for ALL SEVEN Dark Tower Books may appear at any time.  PLEASE STOP NOW if you haven’t finished the series. You have been warned.

So, the Dark Tower movies seem to be in a never ending flux. The plan of Movie > TV > Movie > TV > Movie was ready to go, with seemingly all of Hollywood holding its breath and cheering from the sidelines. Then suddenly it was canceled. Then it was uncanceled, then canceled again. Javier Bardem was in, then he was out, then he was in.  The budget was stripped down to its skivvies then buffed back up to overflowing. Now, the totally-gonna-happen-sure-thing is that it will be an HBO television series. Not a bad idea, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

No matter what form this Dark Tower adaption eventually takes, the final three books of the series—Wolves of the Calla, Song of Susannah, and The Dark Tower—present an inescapable problem. They’re twisty and complex and chock full (chock, I tell ya!) of the wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey bumhugs that are fascinating to fans and toxic to screenwriters.

To compound matters, these final novels are essentially telling one long 2000-page story. The Gunslinger, Drawing of the Three, The Waste Lands, and Wizard & Glass are a part of that same overall tale, but each piece has a distinctive style and flavor that make it easily separable from the others. Four books, four movies (or two movies, two TV shows. Whatever).  Easy peasy. These last three are really all the same animal. They were created at the same time and must be considered as a whole. So, if I were trying to set up one big, final Dark Tower film, what would I keep? What would get cut? What would I mess with? What would be my Giant, Wacky Controversial Changes (heretofore known as GWCCs)?  Well, I’m glad you asked…

Also: Thankee big big to my buddy Dave, who helped me smooth this out and organize some of my thoughts.

Book V: The Wolves of the Calla

Wolves of the Calla is a pretty divisive book among fans. Some saw it as a rousing, Magnificent Seven-style adventure laced with an intriguing mystery.  Others thought it was a boring, obvious slog where none of our characters are ever in any real danger and the Dark Tower story officially started to run off the rails. Personally, I fall into the first camp: I really enjoyed getting to see our ka-tet be superhero gunslingers one more time before things started going wrong.

With that said, I admit that the people who disliked this novel have a lot of valid points, chief among them being that the main plot of Wolves—the roont children and the impending attack—doesn’t have much of a bearing on the rest of the story. There are important things we need to learn in this book, but I think a surprising amount of it can be changed or excised and the series won’t be that much worse for wear.

In fact, I really think that the best place for Wolves of the Calla would be (drumroll please) as the frame story for Wizard & Glass. We’d lose Book IV’s interesting little jaunt into The Stand, but it would also eliminate the bizarre Wizard of Oz stuff and allow us to include some version of River Crossing and Aunt Talitha instead of cramming it into Book III. The episodes could split their time between Meijis and the Calla, and then permanently rejoin the present day for the Big Reveal at the end of the season. Heretical? Maybe, but let’s just consider this GWCC #1.

Important Stuff from Wolves of the Calla

• 19 – Cut it.  I guess your could say that the reoccurrences of 19 throughout the last three books of The Dark Tower provide a reminder of the constant presence of ka, but it always just felt like weird numerology to me. It’s occasionally fun to keep an eye open for instances of 19, and that sort of thing could even show up as a fun Easter egg throughout the film series, but the actual function of 19 in the story (aside from getting the Tet to 1999) is basically nil. I certainly don’t think we need it dwelt upon here.

• Going Todash – Keep it (maybe). I like the todash sections of these books, but how much we need to include them is going to depend on what the filmmakers do to the New York aspect of the story. If it’s mostly intact, then I actually think this will be one of the easier things to explain since so much can be done visually. If New York winds up mostly cut out (as I’ve feared), then I think the necessary bits can be relegated to Jake’s use of “the touch” and the psychic bond of the ka-tet.

• Jericho Hill – Keep it. Jericho Hill is important not only because of the Horn of Arthur Eld (which must be distinctive enough that we’ll remember it later on), but because it gives us some closure on Cuthbert and Alain. We’d have to move the placement of it, however, since we’re telling two stories simultaneously. Maybe in between the battle in the Meijis story and the battle with the Wolves?

• Beryl Evans Becomes Claudia y Inez Bachman – Cut it.  Like the “19” business, the changing names and subtle differences between the worlds are sort of interesting but ultimately a distraction. I say get rid of ‘em.

• Susannah Eats Frogs – Keep it. As much as some people hate Mia and her role in the story, she’s integral to the last few books. I think watching Mia dining at the banquet while Susannah forages in the swamp will be great.

• Pere Callahan – Keep ‘im. Don Callahan is a beloved character from ‘Salem’s Lot (or at least beloved to me; Father C was one of my favorite SK characters long before he showed up in The Dark Tower) and he has a great story to tell. Does he really have time to tell it, though? Especially if we’re using Wolves as a frame story for Meijis?

• Type-3 Vampires – Cut ‘em. Since we’re not going in-depth into Callahan’s history and I can’t remember any vampires playing a significant role in the rest of the story, I think it’s probably best to leave the vamps out of this. People have too many weird associations with them these days.

• Calla Bryn Sturgis – Keep it. Obviously. Not much of a story, otherwise. As I mentioned earlier, though, I’d like to see it blended with River Crossing. That section likely won’t fit in The Waste Lands, as I said in Part 1, and Roland needs his cross from Aunt Talitha. Also, I think the Calla and its townsfolk could provide an interesting compare/contrast to Meijis as the stories flash back and forth.

• The Roont Twins – Mess with ‘em. I think the idea of twinning is pretty neat, but are audiences really going to accept a town full of mentally disabled mongoloid children? Somehow I doubt it. Maybe the roont children can come back as vegetables or something, but as written? That’s dicey.

 Interesting Side Thought: Could all the relevant parts of the Calla Bryn Sturgis story—The Unfound Door, The Wizard’s Rainbow, Father Callahan, Mia, etc—be included in a story that eliminates the Wolves and the roont children entirely? Hmm. I think it’s possible. Probably not very interesting, though.

• Roland Dances – Keep it. Whatever changes get made to the story of Wolves, the big harvest fair and the introduction of the ka-tet to the people Calla Bryn Sturgis is a fantastic moment that I really want to see.

• Thankee Big Big For The Commala, If It Do Ya, Sai! – Cut it. Cut it. Cut it. Maybe this is something I’m taking too personally, but the folksy Calla language only starts off cute.  It’s gotten old by the midpoint of Wolves and it’s positively teeth-grinding when it pops up in Books VI and VII for no good reason. I’m not saying the Calla villagers can’t speak like that on occasion, but less is more in this case.

• Jake and Benny Slightman – Keep it, but keep it short. Benny exists for two reasons: to give Jake a moment of normal adolescence and to then die as ka’s punishment for his father’s betrayal. I see no reason for either to be cut entirely, but they’re sure to be sidelined. Lucky for us, they’re both easy to accomplish quickly. One or two scenes of Jake and Benny jumping into haystacks should cement their friendship and then a big death scene during the final battle with Ben Sr.’s lament at the end. Bing, bang, boom.

• Roland’s Dry Twist – Keep it. Whether or not you want to bring this plot point to it’s conclusion in Book VII (see below), the dry twist is a good way to keep the audience on its toes. Roland is slowing down and cramping up. He’s not as young as he used to be, but there’s still so much more to do…

• Black 13 – Cut it (GWCC #2). “Wait—what?” you’re saying, incredulously. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out on this. Black 13 gets major hype throughout Wolves of the Calla and Song of Susannah (I even mention in my Part 1 article that Black 13 is something we have to “take seriously”), but what does it actually do in the story? What impact does Black 13 have? Maerlyn’s Grapefruit is a lot more familiar to us and more demonstrably dangerous, so why have Father Callahan pull Black 13 out of the church floorboards when he could pull out The Grapefruit instead?  We never see what happens to it at the end of Book IV and we know that Roland already has a history with it. I think having it turn up in Calla Bryn Sturgis will maintain continuity and allow for some closure, especially if we’re telling Wolves and W&G together.

• Doorway Cave and the Unfound Door – Keep it. I don’t have much to say about this one, really. The Tet needs a way to move on from the Calla and the Unfound Door is the way to do it. A lot of the things surrounding it, like the voices in the wind, will probably get cut, but the motif is consistent and I don’t know of any reason to change it from the novel.

• Eddie Saves Calvin Tower in 1977 – Keep it. I love this sequence and it’s vitally important to setting up both the end of Book V and future events in Book VI. It also may be needed to set up Tower and Deepneau if their scenes wind up axed from The Waste Lands.

• Time Moves Faster on the Other Side – Keep it. Explaining that time in the Keystone World moves faster and that it only moves one way could be really confusing if the audience stops to think about it, so don’t let them. Bring it up, let your characters accept it as true, and move on.

• The Ka-tet Fractures – Keep it. I always liked the fact that when the Tet realizes their khef is disappearing because of the secrets they hold, they actually decide to sit down and talk it out like responsible adults.  Depending on the timing of events, this could also serve as a nice parallel to the way Young Roland and his Tet deal with their floundering trust in Meijis. You know, the more I consider it, the more intrigued I am at how well these two stories match up.

• Grandpa’s Story and the Truth About the Wolves – Keep it. We probably won’t get his whole illustrated tale—I’d actually like to see it done entirely in a monologue, like Mel Gibson in The Patriot—but I think having the Wolves’ true nature known to our characters but withheld from the audience (the same way King does in the book) is a good method of sustaining tension.

• The Dogan and Andy the Messenger Robot (Many Other Functions) – Keep ‘im, if time allows. Although I’m really in love with the idea of marrying Books IV and V, I’m unsure how everything matches up logistically. In my perfect world, the mystery of the giant, creepy robot and the busted-up communications bunker would coexist with Roland, Cuthbert, and Alain’s investigation of Farson and the Horseman’s Association. Would that actually fly if you broke down the two timelines? I don’t really know, but I’d like to think so.

• The Sisters of Oriza and the Oriza Plates – Keep ‘em.  RIZAAAA! The Orizas might be the coolest weapons we come across in the Dark Tower series.  There’s no way they get left out.

• The Wolves – Keep ‘em. The Wolves are a bit of an interesting case. They’re obviously needed for the climax of the Calla story (perhaps told in tandem with the battle of Eyebolt Canyon? Of course, then we have to rethink the placement of Jericho Hill…), but they are also needed to bring home the idea that Roland and his Tet are living in a storybook. According to the novel, the Wolves swing lightsabers, throw exploding “sneetches”, and look a whole lot like Doctor Doom. I think they can still serve both functions, but their design needs to be tweaked enough to make them menacing yet still be evocative of their source material. Sounds doable to me, though licensing fees to Marvel, Lucas, and J.K. Rowling might be through the roof.

• Salem’s Lot, by Stephen King – Keep it. This, of course, is the big WTF moment that puts the Dark Tower story on the path it will travel for the rest of the series. It may be something that the Tet discovers together instead of Callahan on his own, but I’m really looking forward to seeing this done onscreen and watching the dominoes fall as our heroes put all the clues together.

• Susannah Runs Away – Mess with it. In the novel, Susannah willingly runs off with Mia in exchange for her cooperation during the battle with the Wolves. It works on the page, but I’m not convinced that it’s best for our story. I’m thinking she should be forced to leave in the middle of the battle, abandoning her post and putting townsfolk in peril. It would provide a nice moment of tension and set up the idea that Susannah is not in control of herself (more on that later). She can’t be absent for the whole thing, however—I want to see her slinging those plates.

Book VI: Song of Susannah

A lot of people really dislike this book, and I was initially one of them.  The story goes to some strange places, nothing gets resolved, and very little time is spent in Roland’s world. It felt to me at the time that it was the book King had to write in order to get to the one he actually wanted to write.  Revisiting it now, however, it think it’s more likely that I felt this way because Song of Susannah is the story I had to read instead of the one I was hoping for. There’s actually a lot of cool sequences in this novel and a lot more of the internal, thinky stuff than we’re used to seeing.

In the world of film, however, “internal” and “thinky” tend to translate into “deleted scenes.” If Wolves of the Calla is successfully blended with Wizard & Glass, then that means the big, final Dark Tower film I mentioned must encompass both this book and the next one. Mashing two books together is a substantially easier task than mashing three, but the breadth of material that we still have to cover means that something has got to give and, if one book is really going to suffer, then that has to be Song of Susannah.

Important Stuff in Song of Susannah

• Beamquake – Mess with it. The Beamquake in the opening of the novel is a nice reminder to our heroes (and the audience) that Time Is Running Out. However, this movie needs to get moving fast and stopping to explain a giant earthquake just isn’t going to fit. So what if this happens earlier, like in The Waste Lands? It can be explained back there and then recur in Books V and VI, growing in intensity each time. This way, we still get our Song of Susannah beamquake and our unspoken Hurry Up message, but don’t have to take any more screentime than is absolutely necessary. Perhaps if the SoS Beamquake happens in the Doorway Cave, that can even be what unexpectedly splits the Tet.

• The Tet Go Through the Unfound Door – Mess with it (GWCC #3).  This scene needs to make it clear that our heroes must accomplish two things:

1. They must track down Susannah in 1999
2. They must track down Cal Tower in 1977

There are two things we don’t need, however. One is Henchick and the Manni (who help the Tet open the Unfound Door). The other, as much as I hate to say it, is Father Callahan.

All right, now stop looking at me like that and think about it: what purpose does Callahan serve in the rest of this story? He goes with Jake to New York, puts Black 13 to sleep, and then dies. Yes, his personal tale gets closure and he earns his redemption in a really fantastic battle scene, but I’m not ultimately convinced he needs to be here. Frankly, I’m a lot more interested in seeing Jake and Oy stranded all alone in 1999. You can even give the Pere some thematically appropriate parting lines like, “I don’t think I’m meant to go with you. This time.” Or something like that.

One final note: It’s important in this film to really stress that Roland’s driving obsession is The Tower, to the exclusion of everything—and everyone—else. He is greedy for The Tower, and that has got to become his defining characteristic. If the audience doesn’t understand that then they aren’t going to get the ending, and if they don’t get the ending, then everything falls apart.  This scene might be a good place to establish that, as much as Roland values Susannah as a friend, he ultimately wants to get her back because she is still important to his quest.

• Mia – Mess with ‘er. Mia, unfortunately, has to change drastically. I really want her to be the confused, manipulated spirit girl we learn about in the book, but it’s unlikely. I say that she becomes a single-minded demon, driven by the agents of the Crimson King to have her baby at all costs. No more, no less.

• Susannah’s Dogan – Cut it. Susannah’s internal dogan is a neat visual, but not one we’d see in this movie. At best, we’ll get some muttered, Gollumesque conversations, but perhaps not even that. It may be easier to just say that her body is possessed the same way Roland possessed Jack Mort.

• Susannah in New York – Keep it. I see this, I think, as the opening sequence of the movie, probably set to music and done as a montage of Susannah walking down streets, crossing crosswalks, and meandering through Central Park, all on a pair on white feet.

• Susannah finds the Scrimshaw Turtle – Cut it. This is just a weird deus ex machina that we don’t need. I never really liked it in the book and, especially if we’re trimming out the fat, I think we can avoid it here.

• Susannah Hypnotizes People – Cut it. No turtle, no hypnosis. We’re also going to be moving so quickly at this point that we won’t have time to wonder how Susannah-Mio (divided girl of mine) gets her money and provisions.

• Susannah Leaves Black 13 and her Gunna in Her Hotel Room. – Cut it. I think. In trying to pare down the Susannah story as much as possible, I’ve sort of turned this whole book into a chase sequence: Susannah, possessed by Mia, is on the run from Jake and Oy in New York City. No hotel rooms. No time to stop and rest.

• Susannah Palavers with Mia in Castle Discordia – Cut it. I really, really like this part of Song of Susannah, but it’s got to go for two reasons.

1. Pacing. Remember that this is a chase movie, which is already going to be slowed down by Roland and Eddie in 1977.
2. The conversation puts a sympathetic face on Mia and that kills the tension. We need to be afraid for Susannah’s life, and if you attach a consciousness and conflicting emotions to Mia, you won’t be. I’d want some sort of physical Mia to show up eventually, but until the birth scene in The Dixie Pig, I think Susannah is going to be relegated to a pursued object.

• Gan, The Prim, and the Mythology of Allworld – Cut it. This really falls in the same category as the Calla-speak in Book V. By this point, our characters are throwing around enough made-up words that we don’t need to introduce more.

• Roland and Eddie have a Firefight with Andolini in the General Store – Keep it.  This is an excellent action sequence that could be cuttable, but I think that’s a mistake. Instead, I want to use it as a focal point that condenses the 1977 story.

• Roland and Eddie meet John Cullum – Cut it. I really like John Cullum and I hate to see him shut out of the movie, but he’s ultimately not an important enough character. Sorry, John.

• Roland and Eddie Make Calvin Tower Sell the Vacant Lot to The Tet Corporation – Mess with it. Instead of meeting John Cullum in the general store, they meet Calvin Tower and Aaron Deepneau!  And rather than Cal selling his lot to the Tet Corporation, he instead *forms* the Tet Corporation with Aaron, Roland, and Eddie. It’s a betrayal of his character from the novel (and I hate to do that, because I love how frustratingly small-minded Cal is), but it serves our story. Plus, we can graft all the best bits of John Cullum onto these two.

• Roland and Eddie Meet Stephen King – Mess with it. What is this? Hubris? Genius? I don’t really know, but here it is and we have to deal with it. My instinct? Make it as short as possible. Here’s a thought: Stephen King is in the drug store during the shootout, too! They see him, realize who he is, maybe get to ask him a few questions in the aftermath, then put him to sleep at Roland’s insistence and move on. This might be a good place to play up Roland’s obsessive desire to see the Tower to the exclusion of all else.

• Jake Attacks a Cab Driver – Cut it. I really like this moment, where Jake nearly guns down a loudmouth New York taxi driver. It’s such a scary, vivid contrast from when he was laughing and jumping in haystacks just a few weeks before. Unfortunately, we can’t use it here; anything that takes Jake away from chasing Susannah has got to go.

• The Church of the Almighty God Bomb—Cut it. King was clearly tickled by the God Bomb preacher, but I never really liked him. Without Callahan or the scrimshaw turtle, we don’t need him. Maybe he can have a background cameo or something.

• The Black Tower and The Rose—Mess with it. I really don’t quite know how this is going to fit in, but it needs to. We have to understand that (a) this monolithic building is 2 Hammarskjöld Plaza (the site of the vacant lot) (b) that it is the property of the now-massive Tet Corporation, and (c) that it is keeping the Rose safe from its enemies. I’ve thought about it and thought about it, but I just don’t know. Maybe Oy can notice it and get Jake to realize where he is, then they can stop in just long enough to see the Rose and the plaque that lets them know everything is okay.

• Jake, Oy, and Callahan track down Black 13 – Mess with it. If we’ve already decided that there’s no hotel room, then certainly we won’t see Jake and Oy visiting a hotel. I say this gets integrated into the chase. Perhaps Mia is nearly caught at one point and she is forced to leave her gunna (including Black 13 Maerlyn’s Grapefruit) behind. Maybe it happens in front of 2 Hammarskjold Plaza, and Mia is repulsed by the positive vibes. Jake then scoops up the ball, realizes where he is, and gets to have his moment in front of the Garden of the Rose where he realizes it is now protected.

• Jake, Oy, and Callahan Drop off Black 13 at the World Trade Center—I *really* don’t know. This is touchy. I was pretty shocked at the inclusion of the WTC in the novel and the suggestion, however slight or unintended, that the September 11 attacks may have had something to do with trying to destroy Black 13. In a film, I’m just not sure that an audience (or a studio) would stand for it. But if we don’t do this, what can we do to get rid of our Grapefruit? Hmmm…

• Susannah and Mia reach the Dixie Pig—Keep it. If this shakes out like the chase sequence I envisioned, then entering the Dixie Pig will feel like crossing a finish line. The Chap is safe. What can one boy and his pet bumbler possibly do against a building full of Taheen?

• Richard Sayre—Cut ‘im. Without Callahan or Callahan’s back story, Richard Sayre doesn’t mean anything to anybody. We should meet plenty of Taheen in the Dixie Pig, but Sayre doesn’t need to be among them. Maybe just a nameless Maître De (EEEE!).

• Susannah and Mia go into labor—Keep it. This would be a very different story if we didn’t.

• The Rat-headed Nurse—Keep her. The rat-headed nurse doesn’t actually have much to do, but it’s a really striking visual that I would like to see included.

• Jake and Oy and Callahan Enter The Dixie Pig—Keep it. As good as the scene in the book is, it’s much creepier for Jake and Oy to enter The Dixie Pig by themselves.

• Susannah and Mia are Split—Keep it. Like I said earlier, I want to see Mia get a physical form for this. I think it’ll be an interesting reveal if this is the first time we see her (and it may well be, given how much is cut beforehand), and it’s important to establish for the audience that Mia and Susannah have been separated and that Suze is now back to normal.

• Mordred is Born—Keep it. The birth scene is pretty great as-is, but I’d love to see Mordred born as a spider. The ick factor would be through the roof.

• Stephen King is Killed—Cut it. Not the event itself, but the shocking newspaper article at the end of Song of Susannah. It’s a wonderfully unexpected revelation that would go great at the end of a movie, but it doesn’t work here since this is just the midway point a single, large film (I’m guessing 80 – 90 minutes out of 3½ hours?).

 

Book VII: The Dark Tower

Well, here we are. The home stretch. The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower. In my preparation for this article, I sussed out 42 points of discussion in Book VII—nearly as many as Books I, II, and III combined. Some of the moments are truly great, several of them are really not, and a few of them are fantastic sequences that will never see life on the screen without some major doctoring. Which is which? I guess there’s only one way to find out.

Important Stuff in The Dark Tower

• Callahan and Jake fight through The Dixie Pig – Keep it. Although this technically opens Book VII, Jake fighting through waves of Taheen is really the action-climax of Book VI. Just a thought—if the diversion into the World Trade Center is cut from Song of Susannah, maybe we could dispose of the Grapefruit here. What if, knowing he’s outnumbered, Jake hides in the foyer and rolls the Grapefruit like a bowling ball through the main room of The Dixie Pig. As it is an evil relic coveted by the forces of the Crimson King, the Low Men recognize it and jump for it. While they’re distracted, Jake emerges and blasts the Grapefruit to pieces, releasing it’s pent up energy (which would be established beforehand) and blowing the Taheen and most of the room to hell. This evens up the odds for him and Oy, and creates a really neat scene of Jake striding through the blown-out smoky room, picking off survivors with the Ruger.

• Callahan kills himself – Cut it. This is a wonderful, powerful scene, but since Callahan is staying in Calla Bryn Sturgis, away it goes.

• Mordred Breastfeeds Mia to Death – Keep it. Speaking of wonderful, powerful scenes, I really want to see this. It can probably happen right on the heels of the birth, though.

• Susannah Shoots Her Way Out of the Delivery Room – Keep it. Now that Susannah is back in control, we still need to see that she is as much a gunslinger as she ever was. She needs to get out of that room on her own.

• Roland Shoots Chevin of Chayven – Cut it. The conversation Roland and Chevin have isn’t terribly important, but this scene is the first time in quite a while that we’re asked to question how far Roland is willing to go to reach his Tower. Since we don’t have the time to deal with the rest of it, though, we’re going to have to lose this and find other moments that can evoke the same uncertainty.

• Roland and Eddie send John Cullum to New York – Cut it. Since John Cullum won’t be appearing (a concession I am honestly unhappy with) and Cal Tower lost his “greedy, highfalutin, whitebread sumbitch” personality, there’s no need for this. Moving on…

• Roland and Eddie Re-enter Endworld Through the Giant Walk-In Hole – Mess with it. Setting up the walk-ins seems like wasted screentime and it seems like a lot to ask the audience to accept a giant hole in the world (though you could explain it as the weakening fabric of reality due to the Breakers—perhaps as a consequence of the Beamquake?). Instead, what if the Unfound Door remains behind Eddie and Roland, like the doors in The Drawing of the Three? It doesn’t make exact sense that it would reunite them with Susannah and Jake, but it’s a trope that the audience is already familiar with and you can take a page out of the novel and simply have Roland say “This is going to work because it *has* to work.”

• Jake and Oy get caught in the Mind Trap – Cut it. Neat scene, but we really don’t need it.

• The Tet is Reunited – Keep it. Hooray!

• Susannah Doesn’t Mention Stephen King is Dead – Mess With It. I think that the best way for the Tet to learn of King’s impending death is for Susannah to overhear mention of the plan while she’s in the delivery room and tell everyone about it now. Although maybe that should wait until after Blue Heaven. I dunno. One or the other.

• Nigel, the Robot Butler – Cut it. We don’t need him. It might be fun to see a little cadre of robots taking care of baby Mordred, but it’s probably more important to identify him immediately as a self-sufficient, dangerous adversary stalking our heroes.

• Mordred Eats Flagg – Mess With It. I’m okay with this happening, but not yet. I have another thought for this…

• The Tet returns to Endworld – Keep it. Just make sure to establish beforehand that the hallway behind The Dixie Pig is full of doors that lead to different places. You may not even have to use the word “Fedic.”

• The Tet meets Ted Brautigan and Dinkie Earnshaw – Cut it. Ted and Dinkie are characters that I like, but I don’t think we need them.

• Roland Reunites with Sheemie – Keep it. As long as there is some kind of minor tipoff that Sheemie has untapped powers during Wizard & Glass, this shouldn’t be a problem.

• Pimley Prentice, Master of Blue Heaven – Cut ‘im. We need someone to run Blue Heaven, but introducing new character seems unnecessary at this point. What if the Master of Blue Heaven is The Tick Tock Man, instead? Flagg brings him back to life in our Waste Lands movie and cryptically intones that he has “other plans” for him. Since we’ve cut out the Emerald Palace from Wizard & Glass, putting Tick Tock in charge of Blue Heaven gives him a whole lot more to do and a significant part to play in the story.

• Ka-shume – Keep it. Don’t dwell on it, though. Maybe just a quick mention of “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” or, better yet, a silent, reflective scene where they all have that same thought but say nothing.

• Ted’s Story – Cut it. This is unnecessary back story. Sorry, Ted.

• The Firefight at Blue Heaven – Keep it. It’s their last action set-piece as a team, so I’d like it to be pretty kick ass. I’m torn on the stash of weapons, though, because I really want to deck everyone out with crazy firepower but then I’d have to explain where it came from.

• Eddie is Shot – Keep it. Eddie has always sort of been our proxy in Roland’s world, so this should go down just as heartbreakingly as it did in the book. However, it’s The Tick Tock Man who should pull the trigger, not some schmo we met two chapters ago. Also, I want Eddie’s pistol (the one of Roland’s with the sandalwood grip) to be lost in the shuffle and secretly recovered by Flagg.

• The Psychics of Blue Heaven – Keep ‘em.  As long as Sheemie is around to send Roland and Jake back to 1999, I’m happy to keep the other psychics as irritable and selfish jerks who eat the brain-goo of children. We probably won’t see much of them anyway.

• Roland and Jake Meet Irene Tassenbaum and Drive to Lovell – Cut it. We don’t need her. Roland and Jake can emerge on the side of the road in Lovell, just in time.

• Jake Saves Stephen King – Mess with it, just a little. The actual event should go down similarly: Roland’s hip fails him and Jake jumps in the way of the van. However, I want to change the aftermath just a skosh: as much as I adored/was devastated by the idea that Roland misses Jake’s final moments because he has to talk to Stephen King, I think that needs to be tweaked. There just isn’t time for the conversations between himself, King, and Bryan Smith (maybe Smith could smack his head on the steering wheel and get knocked out in the accident?). I would like to see the slow reveal of Jake’s mortal injuries—you think he’s okay—he could be okay—he might be okay—the camera pans down, you see his chest caved in, and there’s no doubt that he’s not okay. Then, perhaps, Roland hears King groaning and he leaves Jake’s side to make sure he’ll live. Once he determines that King will survive, he rushes back to Jake and finds him already passed. It’s a shorter scene, but it’ll hopefully still have some of the impact that the book does.

Also, upon further consideration, I think that revealing Roland’s “dry twist” as phantom injuries is simply too complicated. Audiences understand arthritis; it’s best to leave it at that.

• The Burial – Keep it. Roland burying Jake is the moment I lost it when reading this novel. I simply had to put the book down and collect myself before I could do anything else. I want this to be that powerful. Perhaps it could be intercut with Susannah burying Eddie?

• Moses Carver and the Tet Corporation – Cut it. I *really* don’t want to cut this, but I think I have to.  I love watching Roland learn about the rise of the Tet Corporation, meet Moses Carver, and see the new generation of gunslingers in the Keystone World, but we just don’t have the time. Long, Tall, and Ugly has to get back to Endworld ASAP, and as long as we can use Jake in Book VI to establish that the Rose is protected, then we don’t need to say anything more on the subject.

• Susannah Leaves – Keep it (GWCC #4). “Wait a minute,” you’re saying to yourself. “This happens way later in the book!” Not anymore. I think that when Roland, Oy, and Susannah are reunited, they need to be given the option of leaving. The Author will survive, the Beams will be restored, and the Tower will abide. The multiverse is safe, so a new door appears: a door inscribed with the word “Home.” Susannah and Roland argue, and it’s made perfectly clear that Roland was never saving the world because it was the right thing to do; he did it for the same reason he does everything: so he can find the Tower and climb to the top.  It’s got to be clear that it’s not that he doesn’t love Susannah, but he’s simply decided that he’s come too far to turn back now. Susannah, however, makes her choice and enters the Home door, leaving Roland and Oy alone.

• The Hallways of Fedic, the Office of Richard Sayre, and Roland finds Childe Roland – Cut it. Like so many things in these novels, the hallways of Fedic provide some moments that are really interesting to watch unfold but are ultimately unnecessary to the story. Maybe some of the posters advertising visits to the Circus Maximus and Ford’s Theater could be seen in the background, though.

• Susannah and Roland Outrun the Thing in the Dark – Cut it. This is a terrifying sequence, but one that we’d have to cut for time even if Susannah was still in the story.

• The Endless Plains – Keep it. Roland and Oy walk. And walk. And walk.

• Susannah gets a pimple – Cut it. No Susannah, no killer acne.

• The Empty Village of Funhouse People – Keep it. Just as creepy background though.

• The Three Stephen Kings and Rando Thoughtful, the Trickster – Cut ‘im. Though I rather like it, the encounter with Rando and the Three Kings isn’t going to make it into the movie. What he has to say on the Crimson King and the Tower, however, probably will.  His history of the Crimson King’s madness can be abbreviated and worked into the mythology we learn in The Waste Lands. His desperate warning to stay away from the Tower and his reminder that Roland needs to keep his guns out of the hands of Mordred and the Crimson King can possibly be grafted onto the psychics of Blue Heaven, but probably wouldn’t be missed if we just cut them out.

• Joe Collins of Odd’s Lane – Cut ‘im. This part of the story always felt forced to me, a little side excursion that we didn’t really need but that Author King had gotten in his head and refused to let go of.

• Deus Ex Machina – Cut it. Once Stephen King becomes a character in the Dark Tower series, it feels like there’s a dramatic jump in the amount of editorializing that Author King allows in his narrative. It’s always felt sloppy to me and the “Deus Ex Machina” in Joe Collins’ house is an extension of that. I think that the film series will get *one use* of “Please, Stephen King, solve our problem for us,” and I’ve already used earlier to get Roland and Eddie back from 1977.

• Patrick Danville – Cut ‘im (GWCC #5). To my shame, I must admit I’ve never finished Insomnia, so I will completely cop to the fact that I am not the best authority on whether or not Patrick Danville deserves a spot in the climax of The Dark Tower. However, I can absolutely tell you from an outsider’s perspective that the appearance and inclusion of that character or the novel in this story is weird and jarring and feels like a bit of a copout, so there’s no way either one is making it into my movie.

Also, this cut provides the added benefit of throwing the audience off-balance. Old James Bond films used to do this by changing a couple of important details from the book, just so people who read the novel beforehand would have no idea how 007 would escape the villain’s clutches. Without Patrick and his mutant powers, the end of this movie suddenly becomes a question mark for everyone.

• Oy is Killed When Mordred Attacks – Keep it. I’d like to see this go down primarily the same way it happens in the books, but the entire ramble about “Mordred’s a-sick, Mordred’s a-cold” has got to go. Mordred ought to be a dangerous, mysterious figure, but by the time he makes his move the novel, he’s just a sickly, pathetic shell of a thing. When we see Mordred in the movie, he needs to be a menacing shadow.

What I’d like to see happen (though this may need to occur earlier in the movie for things to work out the way I want them to) is Mordred attacks in spider-form when Roland, exhausted, finally collapses and drops off to sleep. Oy leaps to his defense and holds Mordred off long enough for Roland to recover and grab his gun. Oy is thrown into the tree branches, as happens in the book, and Roland gets several shots off, wounding Mordred but not killing him as he skitters away.

• The Crimson King Trapped on a Balcony of the Dark Tower – I don’t know. Mess with it, I think.  The Crimson King is a weird villain because, as much as they build him up, he ultimately isn’t a very tangible adversary. And while I love the image of him stranded on the balcony, driven insane and locked out of the Dark Tower forever, he’s just ends up being one final speedbump for the gunslinger to roll over. Heck, Dandelo was as big of a threat or bigger.

He’s got to stay in the movie, I’d even like seeing him trapped on the balcony, but I can’t get behind the idea of him lobbing sneetches at Roland and getting himself erased by a magic pencil. Instead, I think he has to exist almost disembodied as a Sauron-figure. Maybe the mythology can even be tweaked so his forces are attempting to destroy the Tower in order to free The Crimson King and rebuild the multiverse in his image. Or maybe not. I really don’t know on this one, but something has to change.

• Roland in the Field of Roses – Mess with it (GWCC #6). So, who are the real threats in this story? Flagg and Mordred. So my thought is this:
1. Spider-Mordred attacks Roland and fails because of Oy.
2. Mordred is shot up during his escape and is discovered huddled and dying, by Flagg (who may have been guiding Mordred all along).
3. With or without his consent (either is probably fine), Flagg is eaten.
4. After the death of Oy, Roland finally enters the rose garden of the Tower and finds Mordred—now played by the actor who played Young Roland in Wizard & Glass—waiting for him; healed except for one damaged hand, wielding Roland’s stolen second pistol.
5. Words are exchanged, possibly re-emphasizing Roland’s lust for the Tower and willingness to sacrifice his friends.
6. In the shadow of the Dark Tower, surrounded by roses, and with the sun high in the sky, Roland and Mordred have a final, Leone-esque gunbattle.

• Roland Enters the Tower – Keep it. Whatever my feelings are on the novel’s climax with Patrick and the Crimson King, Roland’s entry into the Dark Tower stays exactly the same. The laying down of his guns, the offering of Aunt Talitha’s cross, and the litany of the names of the dead and departed create a pitch-perfect moment that I wouldn’t change for the world.

• Susannah in New York – Keep it. This is a beautiful scene and a wonderful sendoff for Susannah. She did it. She finished her job and resisted the pull of the Tower, where men should not tread. She won. Happiness with Eddie and Jake is her prize. My only thought, however, is that maybe this comes at the end of the credits as a sort of coda, rather than interrupting the end (ha ha) of Roland’s story.

• Inside the Tower – Keep it. Roland’s journey through the Tower, I think, is a good place for some neat visuals, and it *should* be just visuals. We see reminders of his journey as he climbs, faster and faster. Reminders of Susan and Cuthbert, Stephen and Gabrielle Deschain, Jericho Hill, Allie the Bartender, and Eddie and Jake and Susannah and Oy.

There is no new dialogue, but I want to start hearing old snippets of conversation drift through the air. “Ka is a wheel.” “Death, but not for you, Gunslinger.” “Go, then. There are other worlds than these.” I want to start seeing Roland enter the Tower, again and again, except they aren’t the same as the scene we just witnessed. We see him stride in powerfully, then we see him beaten down and nearly crawling. Once he lurches inside, spattered in his own blood. More often, he is covered in someone else’s.  By the time he reaches the door at the very top, we should have a sinking feeling of what awaits him on the other side and understand his pain when it opens and cries in anguish.

• The Man in Black Fled Across the Desert, and the Gunslinger Followed. – Keep it.  A lens flare brings us back to the Mohaine Desert, where Roland rubs his eyes and shakes off his daze. The scene is an exact copy of one done at the beginning of the first film, except for the horn of Arthur Eld which he now clutches firmly in his hand. After pausing a moment, he resumes his journey. As he walks toward the black speck on the horizon, the credits begin to roll.

 

And so ends my own weird, winding take on the cinematic Dark Tower. It’s a version that’s maybe too radical for some, but, if I’ve learned one thing from burning my brain over this, it’s that *any* adapted version of this tale is going to involve painful sacrifices that are bound to tick off someone. Which brings me to one final thought, by the way (let’s call it Giant Wacky Controversial Change #7).

What if The Gunslinger introduces a Roland who already possesses the Horn of Arthur Eld?

It would require some further changes, maybe even with some input from Sai King himself, but the notion has got me buzzing all over again. For today, though, I think we’ve palavered long enough. Long Days and Pleasant Nights, everyone.

Al