“Mr. American Scientist — end of the road!”

Justin’s rating: Are you a mandroid or a monster?

Justin’s review: Some movie titles are not only fun to say but informative as to the quality that lies within. Nobody, not even me, is going to mistake Mandroid for overlooked Oscar bait. But a good hokey time? Possibly. And fun to say? Absolutely.

“I’m going to go watch Mandroid!” I said loudly, testing the waters of my family credibility. Stony silence rebounded in my direction. “Fine,” I grumbled. “More Mandroid for me.” Ungrateful louts.

It’s Eastern Europe in the ’90s, a largely depressing place and the stomping ground of Full Moon Entertainment. It’s also the staging area for an amazing piece of tech called Mandroid, which is sort of a remote-piloted robot with superhuman abilities. It’s clearly the wave of the future — what with the VR headset that’s used to control it and all — and so its two scientist creators end up fighting over it. During this, the bad scientist gets sprayed in the face with acid and becomes an understudy for Emperor Palpatine:

Also up for grabs is a mushroom-based product called SuperConn that can (a) provide the cleanest fuel that the world has ever known, (b) cure most diseases, and (c) transmit superpowers. It’s obvious the movie’s writers looked at subtlety and cared not one whit for it.

That brings us to one of Mandroid’s most curious aspects: the fact that the middle part of this movie is being used to set up a spin-off sequel about a dude who becomes invisible thanks to SuperConn. Having an origin story in one movie for a completely different one is a tact that only Full Moon was gutsy enough to pursue. Gutsy? Maybe “stupid” is a better label.

The disfigured bad guy slaps on an iron mask to cosplay as Doctor Doom and ropes in a homeless murder-mute to be his minion, then hijacks the Mandroid for a shooting spree. Invisible Guy isn’t helping anyone — he’s scooting off to the sequel, remember — so it’s up to CIA Guy, Scientist Dude, and Eastern European Gal Pal to figure out a way to thwart the massacre.. All of this has gotten out of control and could use a cold dash of perspective, but everyone’s committed to this lunacy and is going for it.

Mandroid isn’t short on ideas; it’s short on focus. As the launch pad for a new B-movie superhero series, this could’ve been interesting. Or, barring that, a Terminator revenge flick with nonstop action. Instead, the filmmakers kind of meander from idea to idea without fleshing any of them out or letting us get to know these characters. If you can’t sum up this movie in a quick elevator pitch, then it’s time to go back to the writer’s room and take another stab at brevity and clarity.

Still, even with all of its faults, Mandroid gave me a good time, especially when it cranks up the action toward the end. It might not be coherent, but it’s also not boring at all. That’s the usual guarantee for a Full Moon outing!

Intermission!

• Eastern Europe — that’s never a good sign. Reminds me of Eurotrip: “Dear sweet mother of God, we’re in Eastern Europe!” [cue Soviet hymn chant]
• That’s the biggest walkie talkie I’ve ever seen
• Don’t ever ride in a car driven by a robot being remote-controlled by a geezer with a faulty internet connection
• “Oh just a shattered spine and a broken head, all for the good of science!”
• If you find a chubby little hobbit on a train, you’re responsible to find its mama. Same if you find a turkey in a basket. A LIVE turkey.
• Robots need giant SCUBA breathing tubes for some reason.
• A mushroom spore that can cure most diseases AND be used as perfect clean fuel? I think this plot device is reaching.
• They created the Mandroid to… open pots?
• Lady, hopping in circles is not “dancing” no matter how many accordions are playing
• So many attempted assassinations happening at once here!
• Don’t hold a canister full of corrosive mushroom juice when someone’s firing a pistol at you
• “Does the CIA bargain with the devil?”
• If you get horribly disfigured by acid, don’t go to the hospital. Just head down to the sewers and make friends with the first homeless guy you find.
• Where did Drago get all of those little candles in the sewer?
• Why WOULDN’T you high-five a robot?
• Homeless mutes have no problem procuring a full crate of grenades
• “Call me Wade-droid!”
• Mandroid getting hijacked is exciting
• SuperSuperConn!
• What’s Drago paying this mute henchman? And where did he get a beekeeper’s hat?
• Mandroid does the Vulcan nerve pinch
• Mute homeless people are surprisingly good at fashioning metal Doctor Doom masks
• Betrayal! Double cross!
• Dang, axe to the chest
• Haha we’re both out of ammo… except for this SECOND gun I have!
• When you’re shooting a guy to death and he asks you to “wait,” patiently do so while he grabs a grenade and throws it.
• Lots of movies end with villains visiting prostitutes… right?