“These aren’t girls! They’re pirates!”

Drake’s rating: In which Cirio Santiago creates the short-lived pirates in prison (PIP) genre

Drake’s review: The movie industry in the Philippines relied on two major things: Extras who were willing to get punched, thrown around, and blown up for around five dollars a day, and American actors looking to make a name for themselves. Cirio Santiago, a second-generation filmmaker and prolific director, recognized the allure of the international market early on and became something of a protégé, and later a partner, to Roger Corman when the American producer began making films in the region.

It was a match made in heaven for both men, as Santiago eventually began directing for Corman, and then for other producers as well, as the lure of shooting inexpensively in the archipelagic country became too attractive for small studios to ignore. So it was that Santiago soon found himself in the employ of Dimension Pictures, whose penchant for schlock was second to none.

And schlock is certainly what you get with The Muthers, a kung-fu/pirate/women-in-prison/Blaxploitation flick starring not one but two Playboy Playmates as well as a James Bond villain and future NFL commentator Jayne Kennedy.

Kelly (Jean Bell, TNT Jackson) and Angie (Rosanne Katon, Zapped!) are the leaders of a pirate band called the Muthers who terrorize the Philippine Sea. They rob cruise ships, raid other pirates, and are seemingly unstoppable.

But Kelly is also looking for her missing sister, and finds out that she’s been imprisoned by a cruel criminal mastermind named Monteiro who utilizes the free prison labor for his coffee plantation. Contacted by a government agent who wants to shut Montiero down, the two women agree to become prisoners at the plantation and gather information on the criminal goings-on in exchange for amnesty for their piratical deeds.

However, getting into the coffee prison is the easy part. Getting out will be much harder…

Inside the prison they meet Marcie (Trina Parks, Diamonds Are Forever), who tells the pair that Kelly’s sister escaped several days ago. And really, that plotline was only an excuse to get the women inside Mierto’s prison, as it goes nowhere pretty quickly. That leaves Kelly, Angie, and Marcie teaming up as plots are hatched, escape attempts are made, and showers are taken. Because this is a 1970s women-in-prison flick.

Which is honestly kind of a bummer, because this movie starts off as something completely different and much more entertaining. Kelly and Angie living it up on the high seas and duking it out with their pirate rival is actually pretty fun, and that’s the movie I wanted to see more of. But once they get to the coffee plantation, it becomes a fairly predictable WIP movie, a genre that was a half-decade old at this point and rapidly running out of steam.

It would be one thing if The Muthers somehow flipped the script a bit, but that’s just too much to ask as it stays comfortably in its lane and plods along at a steady pace. There is some fun to be had as the three women finally escape from the plantation, taking with them the warden’s favorite, Serena (Kennedy), but you can’t help wishing that more of the movie had gone the action route in lieu of the prison storyline. The women involved are certainly up for it, and enthusiastically punch, kick, and shoot their way through the dozens of men who get in their way, so it feels like something of a missed opportunity to make a better movie.

The Muthers is a fairly typical example of ‘70s trash cinema made more interesting by its cast, but that unfortunately decides to stick to a well-trod path rather than trekking its way down a new road. It’s not bad, but you always have this feeling that, with a bit more in the way of creative thinking, it might have actually been, y’know… good?

Intermission!

• The Muthers brought a cannon to a gunfight.
• “You’re the first American girl ever to stay here long enough for a refill.” That’s probably something you don’t lead off your ad campaign with.
• Meeting a government official at the corndog stand. That’s also where I hold all my important meetings. Justin always has extra mustard.
• Granted, the fight scenes are a bit stiff, but there’s some enthusiasm there.
• Can’t have a chase scene thru a jungle without crossing a ravine on a bridge made of wood and rope.
• All out of plot, so we’ll spend the last 20 minutes or so in a running gunfight. I’m OK with this decision.
• Shot by a .50 cal machine gun while getting a knife in the back. That’s extra dead.