Eurotrip (2004) — Misadventures across a historic continent

“Oh, scuzi, mi scuzi!”

Justin’s rating: Ah, gropey Italians. They give all of us a good name.

Justin’s review: Traveling Europe is a grand dream of many people. At the risk of putting off any readers from said geographic region, I can’t see the attraction. I’m never fond of going to places where (a) I can’t speak the language, (b) I feel as though I have to hide my money in a very private physical area or else it’ll be stolen, or (c) goats are worshiped as the highest deity in the cosmos. Darn those Nazi superziege! Soon the so-called “uber-goatten” will be sweeping through the world entire, and only Caesar and the Pugbusters will be able to counter their terrible threat!

I kind of wish I could be more open-minded about traveling abroad, but it’s just not in my blood. My bloodstream does contain, however, plenty of white cell platelets that are fond of watching movies about other people cavort around foreign countries and having wacky, photogenic adventures.

In the horribly un-grand tradition of European Vacation comes yet another tale of suspense, horror and unbound anatomy: Eurotrip! Our tour guides for this trip are sixth-generation photocopied versions of Freddy Prinze Jr. and David Spade — yes, I know they have real names and are real people, but the unfair comparisons just have to be made.

Prinze gets dumped by his girlfriend on graduation day, discovers true love via the internet, and trollops off to Germany to find this slim chance at happiness. Spade tags along, because he’s the sarcastic buddy who’s pining for the opposite sex even though several species of toads would find his thin-lipped smirk off-putting. Along the way, they pick up two more friends, twins Dawn-the-Vampire-Slayer’s-Sister and Some Loser, who are, as Prinze puts it, “the worst twins ever.” It’s a good quad to hitchhike with, as long as those werewolves keep to the countryside. And the freaky mutated goats, but that’s just common sense.

Eurotrip’s theme, if I can attempt to sum up this movie’s equivalent of four years of advanced calculus into a brief fragment, is about these four friends going from point A to B, having some sort of [check one of the following: bizarre, sexy, disturbing, hilarious] escapade, and repeating in a new locale. It’s a testament to this film, with no real big-name leads, that each of the four take turns keeping the comedy rolling in thick and heavy. I fully expected Prinze to be the straight guy, but surprise surprise, he gets into a robot mime fight on the streets of Paris, and my underestimation of his character is revealed.

With robot mimes, Lucy Lawless in leather, old naked men, very forward Italian gropers, Pope abuse, Hitler wanna-bes, and *gasp* eastern Europe, Eurotrip is quite the larf in your spaghetti. I think you’d be pleasantly thrilled to find this comedy-that-actually-has-comedy if you take a chance on it.

Didja notice?

  • The nifty travel-themed opening credits
  • Genitals are good for wind-chimes
  • Dude, is that Matt Damon, shaved head and pierced ears?
  • Ways to be humiliated #4506: have your ex-girlfriend’s secret lover sing a song at a party about how she cheated on you while you were going out
  • Robot mimes fighting! How can movies get any better than this!
  • Nice currency belt
  • Lots of penises. Be warned
  • David Hasselhoff?
  • A nickel can buy a hotel in parts of Europe
  • Mini-Hitler
  • As can be seen in the e-mail scene, Mieke’s last name is Schmidt.
  • You can type the title using only the top line of your keyboard.

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