“You got your asses kicked by an old man and a girl, right?”

Drake’s rating: Who’s up for a forgotten ’80s cult classic?

Drake’s review: There’s a scene at the beginning of Avenging Angel which shows undercover cop Janie Soon Lee getting ready to go undercover when Ross Hagen and his crew of thugs come busting into her parents’ apartment and kill everyone. It’s a brutal scene that sets the whole movie into motion, but it also seemed like the kind of part that was setting up the actress that played Lee, Karin Mani, for bigger roles.

Surprisingly, it was instead Mani’s last appearance as an actress. She did work behind the camera as a line producer on several music videos and married renowned music video producer Paul Flattery, but Avenging Angel was the end of an acting career that had started with late 1970s TV shows and continued into the low-budget films of the 1980s.

Still, in doing a bit of digging, it turned out that Mani had starred in an action movie of her own in 1984,* the year before Avenging Angel, and thanks to those intrepid purveyors of trash cinema over at Vinegar Syndrome it wasn’t even too hard to find. And since the fine people at VS take their restorations seriously, that meant that I would be watching a copy of Alley Cat that probably looks as good as the day it hit the theaters.

Although, admittedly, this is not a great-looking film. The budgetary restrictions are obvious from the first frame, and the cinematography is mediocre at the best of times. And the fact that Alley Cat had three directors really doesn’t help the film’s coherency either.

Still, I kind of love this movie.

Look, this is a straight-up unapologetic exploitation flick that makes no bones about its grimy origins. It was obviously made on the cheap with whatever resources the cast and crew could scrounge up and shot as quickly as possible so that everyone could scurry off into the night before someone with a badge showed up with questions about permits. It’s punk rock DIY filmmaking at its best.

Or worst. It all depends on your view of exploitation flicks.

Alley Cat starts off with a couple of guys trying to steal the wheels right off of Billie’s little red convertible. But since Billie is played by Mani, she’s not going to just let them get away with it. In fact, since Billie is also studying karate, she decides to go out and give the would-be thieves a quick beatdown which ends with them running off once her grandfather comes out of the house with his gun.

Things escalate from there, of course, as the thieves are part of a larger gang, and the leader of said gang, a fellow named Scarface, is just kind of miffed by the fact that two of his guys had to run away from a woman and an old man.

Scarface is both sexist and ageist.

So the gang leader himself plots an attack on Billie’s grandparents, which ends up with grandma getting stabbed. Billie isn’t the type to just let something like that go and is soon clashing with the gang and kicking their butts each and every time their paths cross. Which is honestly one of my favorite parts of the movie, since the gang always outnumbers her, are all bigger, and carry weapons, and she just happily stomps them scene in and scene out.

In fact, the only thing that even slows Billie down is the crooked cop who arrests her and the moronic judge who puts her in prison. Because we need to pause our action-revenge movie for fifteen minutes so that this can become a Women in Prison flick.

I’m thinking the three different directors may have had three radically different ideas for Alley Cat.

But that’s just part of this movie’s charm. Granted, Alley Cat might be lacking in the finer technical details of filmmaking, but it never skimps on the action. Billie throws punches and kicks, sending the bad guys flying, and the pace keeps up from the first scene to the last. It’s a fun role for Mani, and she shows some solid technique in the fight scenes. I mean, donít expect Chuck Norris-level antics here, but I think Billie could go toe-to-toe with the Burbank Karate Club.

Is Alley Cat top-shelf cinema? Of course not, but it is low-budget exploitation movie gold and something of a fitting final release from the schlockmeisters at Film Ventures International.

Oh, yes, there is a story there, but that’s for another day. Justin hates it when my word count gets too high, since it always means he’ll have to open a new box of his red editing pens.

*Although evidence points to it actually being shot in 1982.

Intermission!

• Billie has time to get fully dressed before they even get one wheel off of the car. These criminals are in no hurry.
• Everybody was not kung-fu fighting. In fact, only Billie was.
• Grandpa out there just busting caps with a .38 snubnose.
• Dude, put on some pants before opening your door!
• Maybe a shirt, too.
• His dialogue screams tough guy. His bright red undies scream, “It’s Valentine’s Day!”
• This is a sad, sad criminal gang.
• There were two guys, then three and now four. I dunno. Maybe binary fission?
• Her license plate even reads BILLIE. That officially makes her convertible the Billiemobile.
• Puffy sleeves, vest, and yellow shorts. Weíre definitely into the ’80s here.
• At this point I’m not even sure Scarface owns a shirt.
• Weird ’70s Eurospy music during the dojo scene.
• I think thereís only one judge in this city.
• Justice is swift here, but incompetent.
• Maybe Karin Mani retired because she was just tired of taking showers. That’s three in the last two films. I get it. It takes my hair all day to dry sometimes.
• The dreaded triple groin stomp!
• Crimefighting in a pink V-neck. Weíre even deeper into the ’80s now.
• Wow, bouncing off the awning before hitting the sidewalk. That’s DEAD dead.