“And raisins. They don’t eat raisins.”

Justin’s rating: More raisins for the rest of us then.

Justin’s review: Just when you think you’ve seen every creature feature that the ’90s had to throw at you, out of the brush slinks and slithers… Komodo! And my first thought was, that’s not a terrible idea. Komodo dragons are pretty vicious lizards that actually have attacked humans on occasion, so it makes more sense than, say, killer slugs.

This Australian-made horror thriller (which got a very limited release) is set in South Carolina, where a discarded batch of eggs resulted in a brood of plus-sized komodos prowling around and taking out the occasional teenage boy’s parents. I mean, I feel bad for this kid and all, but not too bad, because he’s going to have an amazing story to tell everyone for the rest of his life.

“Yeah, I’m an orphan. How? Oh, my parents were killed by giant mutated komodo dragons off the eastern seaboard. And they also ate also my adorable dog.” That story’s going to get him dates.

The kid is Patrick, and he’s got some temporary amnesia after the animal attack. So he gets paired up with a therapist to help him sort out his PTSD trauma, and that’s bad news for the therapist, because it means she’s going to get chased by something big and scaly in the third act.

While the komodo threat is identified early enough, an eeeeeevil oil company doesn’t want them revealed because it’ll put an end to the drilling on the island. For some reason. So the company is hunting the komodos (plural) in secret and putting an end to any witnesses. The company is represented by a couple of hunters with a super-tough SUV, bear traps, and shotguns. There’s some ridiculous backstory with the lead hunter about how the komodos ate his wife but the police blame him, but whatever. Just yell “SHOOT HER! SHOOOOOOT HERRRRRR!” in as Australian of an accent as you can.

Patrick is dragged back to the mostly isolated and incredibly dangerous island by the therapist* — who believes in immersion therapy, apparently — and the komodos eventually appear to take down as many humans as possible in as gruesome a manner as possible that a PG-13 flick will allow. Why the police haven’t investigated the actual deaths and discovered the beasts is a question this movie is most reluctant to answer.

The more I watched Komodo, the more I got the feeling that this is kind of a stealth knockoff of Jurassic Park (the director, Michael Lantieri, was one of the special effects guys on the first two movies in that series). If you squint hard enough — I mean, really hard — you can pretend the komodos are dinosaurs and the tropical island a resort under siege by prehistoric beings. There are even decent animatronics (and a bit of CGI) to go along with real animal footage, and that’s got a velociraptor feel to it as well.

The monster effects are partially hidden by the fact that most of this movie takes place at night in a storm — there’s your T.Rex M.O. right there — which unfortunately means that too many scenes are a little hard to see. Sure, it’s atmospheric, but I would like to see the creatures I paid to see!

Komodo isn’t Lake Placid or Anaconda levels of entertaining, but it’s not terrible, either. It lays on the melodrama and speeches far too thick at times, but the critter effects are pretty good and the story gets the job done. As a plus, we get a great speech about the sepsis effects of komodo dragon drool, which makes this a bona fide educational effort!

*Later in the film, the therapist bemoans how she’s the worst ever for bringing Patrick to Death Island and getting three people killed. The audience fully agrees with her assessment.

Intermission!

• Huh, John Denby did the music, that’s a pretty big name
• And Phil Tippett’s studio did the creature effects. That’s a pretty good get, too.
• There are two sorta-sequels: The Curse of the Komodo and Komodo vs Cobra
• OMINOUS SLUDGE
• Aww everyone’s dying off-screen, that’s no fun
• “They think you’re beyond help, Patrick.”
• Thank you for that technical definition of what an “island” is, dude
• This film has a LOT of sappy melodramatic music
• “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea” is the motto of this movie
• That’s one big chompy bear trap
• Yeah let’s leave the wounded lady on the floor of the room where the killer animal attacked, because it’s sure never to return, right?
• Did he just say “Outsiders on the island?” For real?
• Tiny lizard jump scare!
• Wait, how did the komodo get the back seat of the car without opposable thumbs or breaking anything?
• Could that evil British guy speak any more evilish?
• Let’s have a whole conversation about komodo drool
• “There were signs all over the rocks!” “THEY DIDN’T SAY DRAGONS!”
• Patrick cut out the heart of a komodo? You do you, kid.
• “I’m actually doing a really lousy job helping this kid.” Truth.
• The therapist really loves to say Patrick’s name
• Fake komodo dragon on a grill!
• Dang, Patrick went full Lord of the Flies pretty quick today
• Flare gun to the throat, ouch
• When you survive a komodo dragon rampage, you get to walk side-by-side with the other survivors in slow motion
• Uh maybe tell the cop about all the dead people on the island you just left? No? Just want to leave it with a quip?