Seven lessons we learn from kung fu movies

We Learn: Blows which break wood and stone do not leave visible marks on human flesh.
We Deduce: Maybe it has something to do with quantum vibrational frequencies.

We Learn: Small Asian men are invariably incredibly deadly, yet somehow they are constantly under attack by many hoodlums at once.
We Deduce: Could be worse. The World’s Stupidest Motorcycle Gang could be out shaking down girl scouts for their cookie money.

We Learn: The world’s most physically dangerous people can only make serious money as actors.
We Deduce: Don’t quit your day job, wushu enthusiasts.

We Learn: A person can be rendered unconscious with one blow to their stomach region.
We Deduce: Henchmen are chosen based on having a lower solar plexus or higher genitals than normal humans.

We Learn: Being the wife, girlfriend or snarky banter partner of a martial artist will result in your being kidnapped no matter what the prowess of said artist might be.
We Deduce: Date a gymnast. They have equally nice bodies, and proximity to them is much less likely to result in your dangling from a girder by one hand.

We Learn: Doing a dive roll, even a slow one, prevents you from being hit by bullets.
We Deduce: Dive rolls FTW.

We Learn: Mentoring a younger martial artist will inevitably result in your death.
We Deduce: We suggest taking up something safer and more profitable, like starting an online feng shui class.

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