“Help will come from above in the shape of… a donkey.”

The Scoop: 2008 G, directed by Mike Nawrocki and starring Phil Vischer, Mike Nawrocki and Cam Clarke

Tagline: No tagline

Summary Capsule: Fake veggie pirates become the real thing, sort of, and then die of scurvy.  40 lashes to anyone who uses bad pirate puns in this review!  Yar!

Justin’s rating: Ow!  Dang!  I haven’t even started the review yet!  Yalp!

Justin’s review: As both a youth pastor and a big kid, I’m pretty much always up for a good dose of those CGI biblical vegetables known as VeggieTales.  Since 1993, Big Ideas has been pumping out these videos under the maxim of “Saturday Morning Fun, Sunday Morning Values” with a shockingly high level of quality and laughs.  It’s always amazed me that they could achieve what so many Christian productions could not – balancing real entertainment and humor with a solid message.  Aimed at kids but enjoyed by adults, these videos are less “preachy” than they are “teachy,” as they find inventive new ways to tell wacky stories that revolve around a biblical principle or story.

That said, like any long-running series, VeggieTales has its winners and losers.  Sometimes the shows are a little too obscure in the point they’re trying to get across, or they have an off day which results in missed opportunities for jokes.  For example, I was okay with their first motion picture production, Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie, but it certainly fell short of being hilarious or engrossing.  Just because a movie or whatever has a message doesn’t mean that it entitles them to a free pass – they have to be well-crafted to deserve devotion and viewings.

VeggieTales’ second cinematic outing capitalizes on one of their more notorious off-shoots, the titular Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything (their theme song is a classic, especially the Reliant K version), a trio of costumed produce who get a promotion from dinner theater entertainers to actual, factual pirates (well, sailors) on the open sea, thanks to a magical orb of magicality.  Or something.

Their newfound mission is to assist a princess (and her stodgy butler) in rescuing the prince, who’s being held by actual pirates in a secret cove.  Standard road trip mayhem and misadventure ensue, with the expected notes of dissention and doubt clouding the way.

Like Jonah, PWDDA has a few shining moments that occasionally pop their head above the water, but the rest of this movie lies in the fathoms below.  The problem, methinks, is that VeggieTales has difficulty sustaining a full movie run-time without the usual act breaks and Silly Songs that come standard in the videos.  There’s a few things to find chuckle-worthy, such as the killer cheese curls, but that’s like ordering a Caesar salad and only getting a sparse crouton or two amid all the healthy stuff.  The message is also pretty vague, and only solidifies right at the end – and if I, as a pastor, couldn’t see the big moral before they spelled it out, well, that’s a big stumble on their part.  Or I fail at theology, which is a possibility.

Kids would probably find this Pirates of The Caribbean Ultra Lite acceptable (and my junior high kids liked it okay), but that’s where the line is drawn.  X marks the missed opportunity.

Intermission!

• Phil Vischer completed the script for this film in 2002 – before Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl was released. But because of the bankruptcy and buyout of Big Idea Productions, the film wasn’t able to start production until late 2005.
• The song “Yo Ho Hero” by Newsboys is featured in this film, and it is a fine track indeed!

Groovy Quotes

Willory: Like sands through the hour glass, so are the last few minutes of our lives.

Blind Man: Help will come from above in the shape of… a donkey.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie
• The Goonies
• Muppets Treasure Island