“How come they don’t look like me?”

Justin’s rating: I want that old guy’s cowboy hat. I’d rather have that hat than this movie.

Justin’s review: Considering how “controversial” the premise of 1987’s Overboard was and continues to be — despite being a perfectly delightful flick — I was genuinely surprised to hear that it got a remake a few decades later. Is there a wider market for gaslighting amnesiacs into marital servitude than we once realized? Is this a common fantasy in some dark corners of the internet that I dare not tread? Please don’t answer.

This time around, however, we get a gender swap on the original premise to see if the concept is any more palpable. We’ve got the amazing Anna Faris (Scary Movie) as Kate, a working single mom who’s trying to become a nurse while wrangling her three daughters.* She takes a job cleaning carpets on the yacht of an entitled rich jerk named Leonardo (Eugenio Derbez, the Spanish voice of the Donkey in Shrek), but he’s an entitled rich jerk — as we established — and pushes her overboard, and karma ends up pushing him overboard in return.

Through pretty much the exact same events of the original, Leo loses his memory, ends up in a hospital, his sister bails on him to try to steal his company, and Kate takes him home for some free work. All it takes is convincing everyone, including her three kids, that they’re married. And all that takes is abandoning all morals and common sense. Easy peasy.

From what I’ve read, this version of Overboard was intended, in part, to help Derbez break into the English-speaking market. I’ve never heard of this guy, so I’m guessing it didn’t pan out as hoped. But what this means for the viewer is that this dude really mugs for the camera and doesn’t feel like the romantic lead of any movie or age-appropriate for this role (he was 56, while Faris was 40).

And that is unfortunate for Anna Faris, because she’s a wonderfully talented comedian and the whole reason I saw this. Well, 60% of the reason. I couldn’t resist the remake angle, especially since I saw the original a couple weeks ago for the first time and it was fresh in my head. Unfortunately, Faris doesn’t get a lot of good material here. She’d probably have more if she was in the Goldie Hawn role. Yeah, I could see that.

I guess the big question is, how well does this bizarre premise work as a gender swap? It’s… weird. I think the most questionable thing is that we have a woman here who’s invited in a near-complete stranger to live with her three daughters. And everybody is completely OK with that, including Kate’s friends who help set her up with fake documents.

It just doesn’t feel the same, with the girl torturing the spoiled rich guy. For starters, he totally wants to be intimate with her right away but she’s not game. Kate also goes a little too far with all of this taking advantage of/torturing Leo, making her seem like a complete psychopath at times instead of a lovable scamp.

There’s no doubt, Overboard 2018 feels very different than Overboard 1987 despite the wholesale plot theft. It’s nearly two hours long, which is about 30 minutes too long, and a chunk of that is spent in Spanish subtitles with Leo’s (real) scheming family. It feels even longer because of the lack of chemistry between the leads.

Strangely enough, this might have worked better if it was a riches-to-rags story without the amnesia. Seeing Leo learning to the ropes of blue collar jobs is the plenty entertaining and enough material for a film without the gaslighting.

This is a completely unnecessary remake without much to recommend it, unless you want to brush up on your Spanish and/or domestic crimes.

*Yes, they even gender-swapped the children. Let’s not make a thing out of this, OK?

Intermission!

• There are a couple nods to the 1987 original, including setting this in Elk Cove and a character mentioning something similar happening decades ago.
• “Antiplatelete bloody stools, oh the doo-dah day!”
• Surfers give wet money
• “If you’re going to trash me in front of the gringos, do it in Spanish.”
• I think you can become fluent in Spanish by watching this movie. It’s like half subtitles.
• “I’m 72. If I don’t follow my dreams now, when?” “Never!”
• “Nobody has candy in the bathroom because it’s a BATHROOM.”
• In defense of Speedy Gonzalez
• Carpet cleaners can be used as floatation devices in case of a water landing
• “Can I get a prettier nurse?” “She is the pretty one.”
• He doesn’t like being booped
• “What’s a pervert?” “Nothing.” “So can I have one?”
• “Why does my son smell like meat?”
• “Maybe next time I ask you to commit a crime, you won’t fight me on it.”
• She does run like a duck