“Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you’re the devil.”

Justin’s rating: That is one rascally turtle

Justin’s review: So the way I chose to go into this movie is to think of it as the prequel to Captain Ron, because if I can draw a line between Kurt Russell on one boat to Kurt Russell on another boat, I’m going to do it and continuity can go hang.

I’ve actually never seen Overboard (or its 2018 remake that I didn’t even know existed before today), so it’s time to put another comedy classic to rest.

You know how there were a lot of nutty romcom premises in the ’80s? Overboard might well take the cake for the most insane one I’ve ever seen — and that’s plucking it out of a film pool that includes a dude who falls in love with a mermaid and another dude who falls in love with a mannequin and a gal who falls in love with an alien masquerading as her dead husband.*

Joanna (Goldie Hawn) is an ultra-rich snob who’s the worst to the carpenter, a guy named Dean (Russell), who she hires to build a closet in her yacht. She even throws the dude and his tools — FILM TITLE! — overboard without paying him. But when the yacht’s leaving, Joanna is left behind when she falls — FILM TITLE! — overboard and her even worse jerk of a husband decides to abandon her to drowning-related amnesia so that he can inherit her fortune.

Long before “gaslighting” was a common term, widower Dean employs it to great effect when he picks up Joanna (now “Annie”) from the hospital and tells her that she’s his wife. His out-of-control kids are surprisingly cool with it — free mom! — and the lack of internet background checks in 1987 being what they were, he gets away with it.

Obviously, this is a bit of a moral and ethical no-no, but then again, Joanna was pretty mean about the closet, so we’re about to see if two wrongs can make a right. And then some smoochy kisses as the two gradually fall in love even as she recovers her memories. Hey, it’s how I found my wife, trolling the hospital for partial amnesiacs.

Crazy setup aside, it’s an opportunity to clash two worlds together — rich and blue collar, down to earth and uptight. This only works well if both bring something to the table, and fortunately both are fleshed-out characters with some flaws and some skills that fit well together. He helps to ground her and rub off the abrasive edge to her personality, and she helps to run his chaotic household better and realize his amazingly grand dream of a [checks] putt-putt course.**

There’s a bit of Mr. Mom energy to this movie as Joanna learns how to handle a household for the first time (and become a mom!), and that’s worth a montage or two. And the four kids are pretty hysterical by themselves, including the kid who tries to talk like Pee Wee Herman.

Yeah, there’s absolutely no defending this premise, but who needs to defend it when you can enjoy it? Goldie Hawn sinks her teeth into being so stuck up and self-righteous that even modern-day Karens are like, “Tone it down, girlfriend!” And Kurt Russell is a giant goofball of a man who pulls off this entire deception with a pile of lies, tricks, and flim-flammery.

Joanna/Annie does get her memories back, by the way, but she finds that she’s grown to like her new life more than the privileged old one — and her new family as well. When she and Dean stop being awful to each other, they realize that there’s a foundation of actual love waiting for them.

These actors are two comedy pros doing what they do best with pretty strong chemistry at work. Which makes sense, because they’ve been together in real life since 1983.

When I wasn’t laughing at Overboard, I was grinning and shaking my head in astonishment that a lot of people thought this was a good idea actually made it into a pretty entertaining film. Everyone gets to overact and be chaotic and experience some comeuppance and a happy ending, and Alan Silvestri’s score keeps things lively throughout.

Oh ’80s, never change. I mean, how can you, you’re fixed in the past. But still, never change.

*It was a gloriously deluded decade, let’s just leave it at that.

**Dream bigger, Dean.

Intermission!

• I do so love these ultra-chipper ’80s comedy intro themes. Surprise surprise, it’s Alan Silvestri. That guy’s like my second-favorite ’80s film composer after John Williams.
• Chainsawing without safety goggles seems a bit foolish
• “It’s a very expensive gun. I have a lot of them.”
• Those are insane military-style shoulder pads. Then again, it was the ’80s.
• That yacht bedroom is the most garish thing I’ve ever seen
• “These gnats keep getting stuck to my fingernail polish. I guess I’m supposed to walk around with their little corpses stuck to me.”
• The yacht’s staff cheering at Joanna being chewed out is a great moment
• KRAB is quite the call sign for a family-owned TV station
• “I don’t know who I am but I’m sure I have a lawyer!”
• “Did I just go downhill?”
• So much random kid swearing and reading casual pornography
• “A falsetto child?”
• “You’re going to make that turtle sick.”
• Let’s not throw sexual assault charges on top of the kidnapping, please
• Mayo, peanut butter, and jelly sandwiches, ew
• That’s some antiquated laundry equipment
• Chainsawing off the scarecrow’s head… why was she using the chainsaw again?
• That is one very gross house. And a very clean rainwater barrel.
• The hose is pretty funny, especially how everyone likes it
• “They have a lot of pals. They need a father.”
• “I speak French!”
• The revelation that Dean is working nights instead of drinking actually surprised me
• OK, that’s a pretty awesome mini-golf course
• “Let’s all smoke!”
• “There’s no procedure for pulling alongside another boat and telling a passenger that you love her.”
• “We’re at sea, and I’m a god at sea! Ha ha ha!”
• “It’s a hell of a day at sea, sir!”