“Ho-ho-ho, you son of a fish!”

Justin’s rating: Naughty AND nice!

Justin’s review: Welcome to Mutant Reviewers’ Culty Christmas 2025, brought to you by Ecto-Coolers and Fruit by the Foot! All year long I anticipate with glee (and a little dread) spending two solid weeks watching and reviewing Christmas oddities and disasters. Of course, I had to kick things off with a movie that really sang to me, and without a doubt, this year it was Santa Jaws. I know you would approve.

When an evil and vaguely defined Santa is kicked into a shark lagoon, the two forces merge in an unholy blend of terror, nature, and holly jollies. Except that this happened in teen Cody’s aspiring comic book. Cody both looks and sounds exactly like Edward Furlong in Terminator 2, right down to the semi-squeaking voice and floppy hair. This was distracting.

Cody’s not too happy with his family at Christmastime, so he makes a wish on a magic pen that they’d all disappear. For some reason — probably a screenwriter hopped up on Red Bull — this wish manifests in his imaginary comic Santa shark becoming a real thing. A real thing that promptly starts to chomp through his assorted relatives whenever they bring Christmas too close to the water.

Dun DUN. Dun DUN. Dun DUN.

A little perturbed that his imagination’s getting people killed, Cody enlists the help of his best friend, brother, neighbor crush, and anyone else who’s up for some yuletide mayhem on the day of the great boat parade. What begins in a silly place graduates to bloody absurdity in a hurry. Any movie that ends with a battle involving turkey catapults and ornament bombs is a movie that needs a grant from some major philanthropist — and our attention.

I expected extremely low effort filmmaking and was pleasantly surprised when Santa Jaws turned out to be a competently made and occasionally witty flick. It leans into the goofiness of the premise without going full Sharknado stupid.

The acting is cheesy in a dorky way (the social media influencer and comic store owner are a hoot), the Christmas motifs are sprinkled in liberally with lots of dad puns, the shark effects are terrible and scarce, and the horror/comedy balance well-struck. Honestly, this made me think of the same kind of vibe that I found in Jack Frost — the evil snowman one.

It feels germane to note that Santa Jaws was directed by Misty Talley, who also made Mississippi River Sharks, Ozark Sharks, and Shark Island around the same time. I suspect that there’s a fascinating story of very specific trauma in her past that is working itself out through cinematic therapy.

I really thought that this would be an out-and-out terrible flick — and it turned out to be something almost good enough to recommend with a straight face.

Intermission!

• Wow, we even lifted the Jaws font. That’s gutsy.
• “The spirit of Christmas demands a sacrifice!
• “No sugar cookies for you! You’re going to eat your words!”
• “See you in jingle hell!”
• “Sometimes you just got to jump the shark.”
• She’s a model for Snapstagram “LOL”
• Santa Jaws has a hat AND lights on his fin. How do the lights stay lit?
• The “I have to stop this thing” Home Alone suiting up moment
• The comic book store owner adding a soundtrack to underscore a story
• The cool paper snowflakes “Feeling flakey!”
• Santa Shark has round glowing red eyes… like Rudolph’s nose
• “It’s only like a 12-minute jog.”
• Santa Jaws is a girl. Don’t know why this is a plot point but it is.
• Did that shark just growl “ho ho ho?”
• The elf walking around on his leg stumps
• “Uncle Mike wasn’t afraid of anything!” “Except clowns.”
• Comic book shops are your best place for emergency weapons
• “Dancer and LANCER!”
• It can be hurt by Christmas weapons
• “Let’s put this fish on ice!”
• Yes kids, let’s run with the box of explosives
• I swear there are at least nine scenes where people come jogging into the comic book store with great intent
• “Is that a mace?”
• That’s one super fake-looking alligator
• And now you’ve armed the shark with a giant candy cane horn