We learn:

1. It is all right to control people’s minds, provided they are weak minded.
2. Unattractively injured or handicapped individuals are always evil.
3. Women with boyfriends, spouses or children never have cool powers. Women with cool powers are never on screen for more than a few seconds.
4. It is all right to have slaves, provided they are dumb and happy about it. “If droids could think, we’d none of us be here.”
5. Jedi: vague insight, bad advice, easily clouded by the enemy. Takes eight hundred years to get any physically useful abilities, and by then you’re lucky to come off with a Mexican standoff or pyrrhic victory. Sense of humor equals racist jokes.
6. Sith: finger lightning zappies, telekinesis, better weapons, no mention of being “clouded by the lighter side.” Harder to kill. No celibacy rules. Sense of humor equals maniacal cackling at the plights of your enemies.
7. Alien cultures differ from human ones in that members of one species all speak one language and all have very similar personality traits.
8. As with other fantasy universes, it is not possible to be the Chosen One and have two live parents.

We deduce:

1. The Jedi Temple is actually financed, not by member contributions, but by carefully targeted holographic telemarketing. (Q: Good afternoon. Did you attend college? A: Yes. Q: What was your major? A: Communications. Q: (Waves fingers) You want to refinance your student loans. A: I want to refinance my student loans. Q: And you want a new platinum Visa.)
2. The reason there are no unattractive Jedi is that if one of them is seriously injured or develops bad acne, they are instantly killed before they can turn to the Dark Side. “No, really, they said I can get a new leg transpl – AIEEE!”
3. If you are female, the only way to keep cool powers is to be single until you die. And if they’re really cool, it won’t be long.
4. The primary use of clones was once household labor, rather than military, but then droids were invented and the remote control feature was just too popular. There are droid minstrel shows also, and it’s just darn hard to get clones to do this (they prefer chorus lines).
5. There must be a lot of wholesale slaughter of Sith going on, because otherwise they would be beating off members with a stick and nobody in their right mind would ever join the Jedi.
6. Each individual species, including humans, has at some point decided to kill off everyone who does not speak the language selected by the most powerful segment of that population. This is why the humans all speak English with British or American accents. Not even the Australians were spared.
7. Unless Anakin’s mom is lying and she was just really, really drunk.