“What I need now is a bit of female companionship.”

Drake’s rating: Ba-ba-ba-beeya-beeya!

Drake’s review: Batmania was running wild in 1967, with the Adam West-led television series in full swing and a feature film having played in theaters the previous summer. At the same time, the James Bond series was on its fifth film in ‘67 and had taken the world by storm, kicking off a spymania craze that brought wave after wave of competition for 007 in the theaters and on TV.

So, in a move that would warm Roger Corman’s heart, writer Dino Verde and director Sergio Grieco* mashed together the two genres in a blatant attempt at cashing in on both.

It’s not the worst idea, quite honestly. Marvel Comics themselves debuted their own James Bond clone in 1965, as Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. premiered in the pages of Strange Tales before getting his own comic book, and the Black Widow was a secret agent turned superheroine who occasionally hung out with the Avengers. Neither of those characters had actual powers, however, and their writers wisely kept their adventures somewhat less fantastic than their superpowered cohorts. Argoman, on the other hand, doffs his dashing overcoat and nifty hat for a garish yellow and black costume whenever there’s danger afoot, as long as he hasn’t had sex in the last six hours.

Sir Reginald, the alter-ego of Argoman, is on the trail of jewel thieves, in particular a beautiful woman named Jenabell, who styles herself as the Queen of the World, and you’re not paying any attention to this because you’re still fixated on that last bit from the previous paragraph, aren’t you? Okay, look, superheroes all have weaknesses, right? Superman has kryptonite, Spider-Man has Aunt May and Ant Man is… well, he’s tiny. Let’s stop pretending that guy didn’t luck his way onto the Avengers roster. Sir Reginald, on the other hand, loses his powers for six hours after any sexy funtime, which is tough because the movie is full of beautiful women and Reggie isn’t exactly shy about trying to hook up with all of them.

So there are periods during the flick where Sir Reginald is happy but powerless and has to investigate crime without the use of his special abilities. Which are, honestly, a bit nebulous. He definitely has telekinesis, some extrasensory perception, and super-strength. He can also hold his breath for over half an hour, which is demonstrated once and then never brought up again. His eyes also glow green, but that might just be due to the radioactive cigarettes he keeps around. Past that, your guess is as good as mine.

Of course, Reggie loses his powers for six hours after first meeting Jenabell, but in his defense he didn’t know she was a villainess at the time. Not that it really would have mattered. But our hero nonetheless perseveres, as the soundtrack emits an endless refrain of a small jazz chorus singing “Beeya! Ba-ba-ba-beeya-beyaaa,” because it’s the Swingin’ Sixties and that kind of musical nonsense was ubiquitous.

And that’s just one reason why ‘70s cinema is superior.

There are villainous plots and clones and high-class parties and a supervillain lair, and all of it is approached with a light touch and a campy air. Even the not-so-occasional criminal death is accompanied by breezy music and casual glee. And while the setting and look of Argoman: The Fantastic Superman are dated, the overall camp on display lets you know that the filmmakers were well aware of what they were making and who their audience was.

Granted, I’m probably not in that target demographic, but it’s hard to be too negative about Argoman: The Fantastic Superman. It exists in its own little world of sex-crazed superheroes, flammable henchmen and villainous plots, and it doesn’t really care what you think anyway. It’s not a particularly successful blending of superheroics and superspy antics, but it does keep its sense of humor all the way through and never takes itself seriously, even for a second. Honestly, it really only leaves you with one question:

Why six hours? Why not four, or eight, or maybe even a full twenty-four? I’d track down Argoman and demand an answer, but I don’t want to get telekinetically defenestrated.

*Both men were already well enmeshed in superspy territory. Verde had written Two Mafiosi Against Goldfinger, and Grieco had directed several Eurospy flicks, including a pair featuring a certain “it’s not infringement if the number is completely different” Agent 077.

Intermission!

• Sir Reginald spent his “formative youth” in the American West, which helps explain his American accent.
• Sir Reginald clicks thru photos of women like he’s perusing a menu.
• Chandra, Sir Reginald’s manservant, frets about Argoman’s power loss way more than Reggie himself does.
• This flick is more fascinated by the hovercraft than it is by Argoman.
• Argoman has radioactive cigarettes? Wait, is he the hero or the villain here?
• Argoman just drops the bad guy onto concrete. Do not mess with Argoman.
• And now Argoman lights a guy on fire. And then electrocutes another henchman. Argoman is not a believer in criminal rehabilitation.
• Jenabell’s getting away! Ah, well, she’ll no doubt cross paths with Argoman in the fut… Oh. Never mind.
• So Argoman has a whole trophy case of stolen merch, including the Mona Lisa and the Royal Crown of England. Guys, I think Argoman just might be the bad guy here…