“A genetically-engineered band of devil-worshiping serial killers or a Sasquatch-type thing? I don’t like the sound of that…”

Justin’s rating: I’m driving down Highway 40 in my big old pickup truck

Justin’s review: Welcome to Exceptional Visa, a town full of the most bizarre campy nutjobs this side of Washington, D.C. — and that’s BEFORE the aliens arrive. Personally, I wouldn’t have visited Exceptional Vista (what with my limited vacation time and my scorching agoraphobia), except that Bobby forced me at carrot-knifepoint to do so. Happily, I’ve survived my trip and brought you all back a sensational slide show sure to keep the kiddies enraptured for hours. But it’s gonna bore the heck out of the rest of you, for sure.

Settled in? Comfy? Good, here goes.

*click* Ah, here’s a picture of a toothpick. By itself, it means nothing. So we should probably go on.

*click* Here’s a picture of my delighted cherubic face, laughing heartily at genuinely unconventional humor found in this B-movie parody sci-fi horror flick. Yes, I just brushed my teeth. Thank you for noticing.

*click* This roguish bearded fellow is the prissy-named Dr. Karel Lamonte (Campbell Scott), who absolutely steals this movie. So much so, that he’s still wanted in nine of Canada’s 42 provinces for grand theft cinema. Dr. Lamonte is an Atomic Scientist from the Atomic Institute, coincidentally visiting a small strange town the day of an old fashioned alien invasion.

*click* Here’s Lamonte striking a dashing pose, about to stammer off something heroic, no doubt. Interesting trivia fact: Dr. Lamonte is Dr. Egon Spangler’s step-brother, which explains the similarities of approach, style, and nerdly wit. Another interesting trivia fact: I just made that previous sentence up.

*click* This is a pile of raw meat masquerading as guts ‘n entrails. Yeah, so this movie gets a bit gory, but I found it worked up my appetite for dinner. I had shrimp!

*click* Now these are the kindly aliens who either want to have sex with you or eat you, but they just don’t seem to make up their minds. At least they’re reasonably weird and funny, making this planetary invasion a week-long kegger!

*click* Here’s Tom Everett Scott as a winy, incestually-obssessed boyman, in a role that probably killed any chance of ever getting a date again, but at least kept me entertained. Happily, he blends into this town, as most of the residents are quirkier than a genetic coupling of Twin Peaks to Springfield.

*click* Bathtub mannequin. It’s best not to ask questions.

*click* Here’s all of the awesome quotes from the movie. I’m sure you’re wondering how I was able to transfer spoken words to a picture format, but suffice it to say, I was king of Pictionary as a teen.

*click* Oh, why not, I’m going to show you frame by frame every single scene of this movie and reenact the voices myself. That’s how imperative it is that you bear witness to such a grandiose work of art that is Invasion!. Where else are you going to find a movie about a town full of mentally insane people fending off an alien invasion? Not Blockbuster, that’s for sure! They don’t like autobiographical documentaries!

Ba-dum-dum.

Didja notice?

• Never accept sex from strange girls calling it “the copulatory act”
• Wow, the mullet to end all mullets
• What women will do for a spanking
• Brother and sister need to learn how to keep their affection toned down
• Don’t argue with a cop who tells you not to pay your fine
• Creepy lawn animal ornaments
• Don’t try to demonstrate “cold fusion” with your dinner food and a pencil
• Aliens as traveling salespeople… selling banjos!
• Policemen shouldn’t make up their own theme songs
• Why does everyone in movies always taste strange liquids on their fingers? I mean, that’s just gross!
• Atomic scientists are into speedwalking and yodeling
• There’s not a single food item on the table at that party that I’d touch
• It’s more fun to pronounce it “ah-tomic”
• Okay, the raven-haired alien is pretty cute in a creepy way
• The dance montage is hilarious!
• The creepy guy reminds me of Terence Stamp
• The scientist’s girly charge through the bead curtain
• Hehe… bathtub mannequin!
• How to “hold” a girl
• Crackers and autopsies!
• The “washing underwear” conversation
• Fish… have fangs? Okie dokie.
• Every guy (except for one) in this movie has a girl’s name
• Jesus saves TV
• The running commentary… AKA, the commentary on running
• Killer punch!
• Um… so all three of them got married? Lamonte has a white pipe to match his tux for the wedding