Justin’s rating: Grin and bear it
Justin’s review: When does a movie stop being a movie and become a delivery system for internet memes? I’m not the most qualified to say, so if there’s any expert that exists, it must be 2002’s Shark Attack 3: Megalodon.
If you’re wondering why I didn’t even bother reviewing the first two films in this documentary series, it’s… well, it’s because they’re non-entities. The only reason why the third film has become a “must see” on the so-bad-it’s-great circuit is because it went all-in on being as terrible, as cheesy, as hokey, as silly, as inept, as ridiculous as it could be while also starring a major actor from Doctor Who.
John Barrowman plays Ben, a lifeguard who finds evidence that a prehistoric giant shark still exists — and is coming for us all. He teams up with a marine biologist to become the latest in a long and prestigious line of movie shark hunters.
But you don’t come to Shark Attack 3 for the plot. You REALLY don’t come to this movie for the plot. As I indicated earlier, the only reason that this movie is famous is because of certain scenes and lines that tickled geeks so much that they reposted them out of context on YouTube, racked up millions of views, and brought everlasting shame to Barrowman.
Perhaps one of the greatest of these is a shark attack on a yacht that uses precisely the amount of skill on special effects that I could bring to the table. When you see a guy green-screening his way into a shark’s mouth on a jetski, either you laugh uproariously or you weep for humanity. There is no middle ground.
I mean, here you go:
Now you’ve seen the best thing from Shark Attack 3 and saved yourself 90 minutes to use on something more productive. Like reading more Mutant Reviews!
While, yes, those certain scenes are really funny, the movie itself is a chore to sit through. Bad dubbing, blatant idea theft, jagged editing, and cartoonish acting plague this story of man-vs-beast. I suppose that in this instance, the Legion of Memes won… and I should bow out gracefully.