“Let me guess, your friend’s been murdered at the funhouse.”

Drake’s rating: Is this what a Slipknot concert is like?

Drake’s review: There are times when you’re in the mood for scary time at the movies. You really want some tension, a few jump scares, and something that’s going to stay in your head space for awhile. Maybe you want a good slasher like Halloween, or a real nail-biter like Session 9. Or maybe you want some giant shark to scare you into staying out of the water, and Jaws is more your speed.

Suffice to say, though, that if you wants thrills and chills, The Funhouse Massacre is not the movie you’re looking for.

Sure, it’s ostensibly a horror-comedy, but as I’ve mentioned before, those two genres are often hard to combine. You often end up with a horror movie with a few chuckles, or a comedy with some gore. The Funhouse Massacre is definitely the latter, but replace “some gore” with “an overabundance of squick and enough fake blood to fill a swimming pool,” and you’re a lot closer.

And to be fair, that seems like exactly the movie that the minds behind The Funhouse Massacre intended to make. Writer Ben Begley, who also co-stars as the hapless Deputy Doyle, has an extensive background in comedy work, and that’s evident in the script. The absurdity is kind of the point here, whether it’s the odd situation that the main cast of characters find themselves in, or the fairly ludicrous murders that take place all around them.

The basic idea here is that five inmates at an asylum for the criminally insane get sprung on Halloween by psycho number six, a woman called Dollface. Their numbers include a cannibal chef, an evil dentist, a twisted taxidermist, an enormous underground wrestler and a charismatic cult leader, all of whom have been incarcerated due to their murderous ways. But it seems like the local haunted house has decided to use the notorious crimes of these six as the basis for their annual fright-making, and so they head there with murder on their minds.

But also heading to the funhouse, although for less murder-y reasons, are our requisite group of twenty-something friends. They’re just looking for some Halloween fun, but they get just a bit more than they bargained for when they find out that the psycho six have replaced the funhouse workers and people are actually getting killed in macabre ways right in front of their eyes. Throw in some offbeat humor and more than a bit of gore, and that’s The Funhouse Massacre. It’s anything but subtle.

Fortunately, there is some cleverness here. Deputy Doyle is at the center of more than one mishap, but he still provides a large dose of the humor. He’s so anxious to be involved that he walks Sheriff Kate (Scottie Thompson, 2009’s Star Trek) through a crime scene, happily giving his version of events even as he contaminates the whole area and covers the murder weapon with his own prints. He’s Detective Dog, but as an overeager puppy. And Gerardo the cook (Erick Chavarria, Office Christmas Party) is low-key hilarious, dressing up as a Danny Trejo character, complete with kitchen utensils lining his vest rather than knives, and then leaving the line for the funhouse since it looks too scary for him.

Not that that stops him from getting involved, because even Gerardo can’t ignore the murder spree going on around him.

We here at Mutant Reviewers talked a bit about Summer School not long ago, and if you’ve seen that movie then the two characters that you’re most likely to remember are Chainsaw and Dave, the gorehounds with the horror movie fixation. The Funhouse Massacre is basically the movie that those two would have made if they’d had the chance. It’s gory and stupid, but energetic, mindless fun all the same. It’s not something I would generally recommend, but if you’re looking for a splatter movie that never tries to be anything else then it’s right up your alley.

As for me, I have to go take another shower. I still feel sticky after watching this flick.

Intermission!

• Robert Englund sighting. But don’t get too excited, it’s just a cameo.
• And now we have Clint Howard joining in the fun as the Taxidermist.
• The other psychos are Dr. Suave, Animal the Cannibal, Rocko the Clown and Manny the Prophet. It’s kind of like the B-team of Batman villains.
• “Please dismount the dead body, deputy.” Always good advice.
• Dude! It’s puff puff pass, not puff puff drop.
• “Does this look like Colorado to you? Do I look like John freakin’ Denver?”
• Doyle probably shouldn’t have been given a gun. Although he does apologize profusely for the unwarranted shooting.
• Dr. Dave and Mr. Bob are the unlucky DJ’s hosting the funhouse. They should have gone into podcasting. Hey, have I told you about the Mutant Matinee…?