“Some say that we’re prime for another civil war.”

Justin’s rating: Daring to say that racism is bad! Because, y’know, it is. In all forms.

Justin’s review: As I went into this, my mind turned to the amazing end credits of 22 Jump Street, where the filmmakers tried to think of every possible sequel that would send our heroes into some sort of educational facility. And you best believe that “military school” was one of them, because that does seem the traditional course for a dried-up franchise:

In 2001, Treat Williams wrapped up his three-movie Substitute cycle with The Substitute 4: Failure is Not an Option. I mean, it’s always an option, no matter what your drill sergeant says, but he just doesn’t want to say so. He’s insecure that way.

This time around, mercenary Karl (Williams) gets another call for undercover investigation-slash-substitute teaching. Don’t act surprised, he’s on a list now. A military academy’s been turned into a neo-Nazi cult where a group called Werewolf Unit is targeting minorities (in a delicious and clueless irony, they’re partnered with a Korean guy for their training). It’s a tall order to root out corruption from inside a fortress of wannabe soldiers, but if there’s anyone who can do it, it’s the aw-shucks competence of Karl.

So Karl takes up a teaching position at “Military Academy of the South” where he gradually figures out who are the good kids and who are the Hitlers in training. Here’s a quick pointer: The bad ones sport a slightly modern version of the swastika. He also identifies that the academy’s leader, Colonel Brack (Patrick Kilpatrick), is an insanely racist jerk and needs a good spanking or something.

The one change from the previous films is that Karl isn’t hiding his military credentials or identity — in fact, he wears his uniform to class and is open with the fact that he’s in special forces. Even so, everyone underestimates him as they often do in this series.

Karl’s investigation uncovers some actual crimes — terrorist bombings — which requires an assembly of another crew of military friends to answer them. His team includes a nurse and a loopy caretaker who likes to dig up bodies (don’t ask).

I don’t hate the premise, even if it’s a little tropish. Pitting a history teacher and principled soldier against a corrupt institution? Sure, fire away. But the result of making Karl’s actual status so prominent takes away some of the subversive fun and gradual “you’re not the kind of guy we thought you were!” reveal.

Treat Williams is so likable that it’s never a hardship to spend 90 minutes hanging out with him, even if this series isn’t the wall-to-wall action fest that I would love to see. There’s a bit of covert ops, some romance (and more nudity than all of the other films in this series combined), some tense classroom scenes, and, yes, some action (Karl enjoys taking his aggression out on bad guys via bulldozer). It’s a jack-of-all-trades mix, and that’s the Substitute Way.

I wish that there was more to recommend this film. It’s not a severe drop in quality from the previous installments, but it is a drop. But if you’ve been on board this series up to this point, it’s not a waste to see it through to the end. You want to see the bad guys get their comeuppance and delight in watching Karl bring his unique brand of justice to higher learning.

Intermission!

• Do we send a lot of covert ops into Argentina?
• “Something about our mothers… and farm animals?”
• Dude, don’t throw away your assault rifle because you need to reload it!
• Argentinian Nazis have swastikas on their foreheads, makes ’em easy to spot
• “Carmen, take your PMS out on someone else, will ya?”
• Someone’s taking creepy shower photos
• Ah yes, some Holocaust denial
• “I’d call that bad luck, sir.”
• Fire dancing is a part of military training, I guess
• I don’t think you get to say “Werewolf glory!” without feeling deep shame
• Why would a racist military commander hire a Korean advisor?
• Double-kick to the head!
• Oh, it’s one of these sex scenes where the two people actively destroy the whole room as they thrash about
• “What branch was that, Salvation Army?”
• Rocket launcher vs. car
• NOT THE PORTA POTTY!
• Death via the most bullet-proof bulldozer ever made
• Power plants advertise themselves as “minority owned”
• Is this power plant completely unmanned? I mean, other than that one guy at the desk.
• Oof, that is bad explosion effects
• Did not see the girlfriend betrayal coming
• “I dug him up. I put him back!”
• We were really impressed with GPS tracking back in 2001
• Literally served up his head on a platter
• “That’s not under siege, that’s a faculty meeting!”
• This is a great chase scene where two middle-aged dudes amble along on a sidewalk