“I can’t do everything, Kyle! Duh! Why didn’t you charge it?”

Drake’s rating: And now I have a hankering for a box of Tim Tams

Drake’s Review: If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from the movies, it’s that Australia is one bonkers country. From crazed miners and giant kangaroos to car-crazy renegades tearing through the desert, the Land Down Under is just not a safe place to live. And that’s not even mentioning the humongous man-eating boars and the hazardous undertaking that is a simple date night at the drive-in.

Still, even if, and it’s a big if, Australian cinema is perhaps just slightly overly exaggerating these threats, it’s no secret that the country does have its fair share of shark activity. And though it is in fact true that humans are much more of a danger to sharks than vice-versa, the appearance of one of these finny apex predators is still enough to clear the water and empty a beach faster than a motley band of Mutants showing up in swimming trunks and floppy hats.*

And honestly, it’s incredibly easy to avoid sharks, even if you do go to the beach. Just don’t go into the water and you’ll be fine. It’s not like the sharks are going to grow legs and walk up onto the beach to get you. Unless you’re maybe in a bad Asylum movie. But if you’re in Australia, then you can’t even go grocery shopping without a Carcharodon carcharias following you down the aisle as you shop for Vegemite and Tim Tams. At least that’s the idea behind Bait, an Australian flick written and produced by Russell Mulcahy of Razorback and Highlander fame and directed with a bit of attitude by punk rocker and filmmaker Kimble Rendall.

So how does this unlikely event occur? Well, it seems there’s an underground market called Oceania Food Mart, and due to the fact that it’s below street level, the store is just a bit susceptible to flooding. Which is exactly what happens when a sudden tidal wave hits the coastal town where Oceania is located. The floodwaters rush into the grocery store, filling it with around seven feet of water and killing every shopper unlucky enough to not have their name in the opening credits.

The survivors scrabble to the top of the racks that line the aisles and consider their limited options while engaging in some personal drama. Because Josh, an employee at the store, was having an unlikely surprise encounter with his former girlfriend Tina (Sharni Vinson, You’re Next) about five minutes before the waters rushed in, and about two minutes before the flood, Tina was in the middle of a robbery gone wrong led by a reluctant Doyle (Julian McMahon, 2005’s Fantastic Four). There’s also a cop on the scene thanks to his shoplifter daughter getting caught by the store’s manager, and her boyfriend is trapped one level below the store in the parking garage with a few other people, as well as an adorable Pomeranian named Bully.

So with the relationships figured out and drama mode engaged, the characters try to figure out just how to escape from the store. Which would be a lot easier if a great white shark hadn’t come swimming in looking for something to snack on. So now the survivors have to figure out how to get out of Oceania before an aftershock potentially brings even more water in while avoiding getting in the water thanks to a 12-foot shark. And also how to stay alive as the slowly rising waters are getting ever closer to a damaged electrical cable, because Bait just takes the difficulty level and cranks it up to expert.

And that honestly makes for a pretty entertaining time. Bait takes the absurd premise of “sharks in a grocery store” and plays it straight, keeping the action rolling along at a fairly steady pace. The characters are unfortunately rather thin sketches rather than fleshed-out individuals, which is probably the movie’s biggest knock. Josh and Tina making goo-goo eyes at each other as the shark circles isn’t necessarily cringe-inducing, but it might give one flashbacks of seeing ads for Dawson’s Creek back in the late ‘90s. Or maybe flashbacks to the actual show. I’ve never seen a single episode, but I am guessing the inclusion of sharks would have been beneficial.

The CGI is a bit dodgy at times as well, although Bait was originally filmed as a 3D movie and that might explain some of the rougher bits. Still, my quibbles are fairly minor with the movie as Bait is just generally a good ol’ toothy time that takes an outlandish plot and runs with it. If you’ve been dying to see a movie that should have had the tagline, “Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the grocery store,” then it’s hard to recommend anything else.

*Look, it was sunny, the Mutant Offices were being fumigated and Justin thought it was a good idea at the time. The screams from the fleeing beach-goers were the first sign that maybe it wasn’t.

**Don’t worry, the Mutant Mice are fine. They are evidently immune to fumigation. And fire. And electricity.

Intermission!

• This was released as Bait 3D on Blu-ray alone.
• There was a planned sequel called Deep Water that’s since been reworked into a non-sequel for 2026.
• Well that looks gross to drink
• Always classy when you introduce a character with a shot of their posterior
• This joint Singapore-Australian production awkwardly shoehorns in a mention of Singapore at minute 5
• Josh and his bestie, just hanging out at the beach doing their lifeguard thing.
• Oops. Looks like Josh is a solo act now.
• One year later. I wonder if Josh has been brooding the whole year. He looks like the broody sort.
• Birds are flying in towards the shore, away from the ocean. Is that a bad sign?Sure, Doyle’s robbing the store, but it’s only to help out his brother. Plus he has dreamy eyes and expressive eyebrows, so expect a face turn.
• Everyone running away from the tidal wave except that single surfer running toward it. Hang ten, brah! I’m sure you’ll be fine!
• If you’re in the store looking for water, it’s everywhere.
• Wet cell phones. If only they could get to the rice on aisle 2!
• “It means there’s a 12-foot great white shark in here.” At least it’s not a 13-footer. Then things would really be bad.
• “You bought me fake Guccis!” Bad move, Kyle. You should’ve sprung for the real thing.
• “I can make it! I’m okay!” Never say that in a horror movie.
• Or a disaster movie.
• Or really any movie.
• Beating the shark with a meat tenderizer.
• Pom power! Bully doesn’t take any guff from those sharks.