“The rule is, there’s no rule, everything goes.”

Justin’s rating: Man, I miss when people would say, “I gotta jam” and then leave the room. They were the coolest of the cool.

Justin’s review: There are documentaries out there about the rise of in-line skating and the rivalry that it had with skateboarding in the extreme sports craze of the ’90s, but my feeling is, “Why watch a documentary when you can dive head-first into a ridiculous teen comedy-action movie featuring rollerblades from that same era?” And by that, I meant Hackers, but I suppose Airborne will do in a pinch.

Poster child for the California Games, Mitchell (Shane McDermott) does it all: skate, surf, and cultivate a floppy head of hair. He is gnarly — gnarly to the max — and probably would be the poster hanging above every teen girl’s bed save for the facts that this movie didn’t even break $3 million at the box office and McDermott left acting to go into real estate.

When his zoology-crazy parents get a grant to study in Australia for a half-year, good-natured Mitchell is dumped off with his aunt and uncle in glorious, exotic… Ohio. While Ohio is well-known for many things, including the birth place of yours truly, it’s not exactly famous for its huge breaking surf.

So extremely easygoing Mitchell is mildly bummed but determined to make the most of the experience. There he meets his aunt (played by Ferris Bueller’s Edie McClurg) and bohemian cousin Wiley (Seth Green). I loved that both Wiley and Mitchell hit it off right away, with the former declaring himself the latter’s tour guide to the wild world of Cincinnati.

Jack Black’s also in this as Augie, which might be his most restrained and un-Jack Black role ever. I don’t know what was stranger, seeing Jack Black pop out of nowhere or witnessing Seth Green’s longest hairstyle in a pre-Buffy era.

All the girls are super into the sun-killed Californian, but his mere presence seems to incite immediate sheer hatred by the entire hockey team. This high school seems to only have and care about the hockey team. I should add that there aren’t a lot of waves on hockey rinks, so Mitchell is a little out of his depth.

But when the hockey team needs a substitute, a guy who can skate on wheels is as good as any, so Mitchell is recruited. By, I must remind you, the very team that hates everything about him. He does kind of win them over in the end, mostly because there are even worse jerks out there who need comeuppance.

He also forms a romantic connection with Nikki (Brittney Powell), who’s about the only person other than Wiley who’s not a psychopath or a succubus in this school.

Mitchell carves out one bright spot in his exile to Ohio, which is that he can keep skating, whether it be through botanical gardens (with no staff or tourists to slow him down) or the Devil’s Backbone, a nasty stretch of street. All of his conflicts end up resolving with a race against punks, as is often the case in high schools and world politics.

Going into Airborne, I steeled myself for a heavy dose of Xtreme Games silliness. What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was how charismatic and singular its lead would be. McDermott exudes extreme confidence, genuine maturity, and a Bhudda-level of charm and pacifism in the face of constant harassment and anger. But he’s too cool to let anyone get him riled up, and I respect that.

It’s also a funnier movie that I anticipated. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t wall-to-wall chuckles, but it’s got a wry sense of humor that kept surprising me (not to mention the out-of-nowhere dream sequences that pop into a few scenes).

Seth Green gets to break out a lot of goofy antics, and that’s always worth the price of admission. Plus, he gets an adorable romance subplot of his own with a girl named Gloria, and that’s not usually something you see from side characters.

At the end of the day, the skating bits are entertaining eye candy that serve as a time capsule on the side. They got some fairly decent athletes to pull off a lot of tricks and stunts, and such scenes help to give this film a little more zest. This does culminate in a really incredible final race that probably cost a few stunt people their lives for our entertainment.

Yeah, I guess I’ll take a cue from Mitchell and be confident in my admission that I grooved on this flick. Airborne rises above your typical teen sports comedy to be a stealth winner of the scene.

That’s it for me. I gotta jam.

Intermission!

• Ah, “Team Rollerblade” is in this. Nice that they share a credit.
• They didn’t carry their surfboards to the beach but did on the way back…?
• I love that he brings his surfboard on the airplane to Ohio. That’s blind optimism.
• Seth Green’s round red sunglasses — I’m pretty sure I owned a pair
• RANDOM TOSSING YOUR ENEMY THROUGH THE WINDOW DREAM SEQUENCE
• RANDOM TANNING STUD IN CLASS DREAM SEQUENCE
• There are no adults or refs at this hockey game
• “You get so busy fighting over waves you forget you’re in the ocean.”
• Don’t slap a puck into the wrong goal
• If a guy tackles you and puts you into a coma, you think there’d be some serious consequences. But no, just leave the injured kid on the ice for hours until he wakes up.
• Wait, why does this school hang toilet paper ABOVE stalls? Is this jail?
• There’s a Zamboni Driver of the Year Award
• “I’m feeling frisky!” “I’ll get out the Twister.”
• Mitchell gains a huge entourage of bikers and skateboarders
• Seth Green in a wide headband is not what I thought I’d be seeing today
• “I’m Too Sexy” blasting out of nowhere on the soundtrack
• Wiley learning to drive is a fun subplot that isn’t often featured in teen flicks
• I was racking my brain trying to place where I’ve seen Gloria (Alanna Ubach) until a quick search triggered my memory that I knew her raspy voice from The Brady Bunch Movie where she played the lesbian girl who’s always hitting on Marcia
• Oh man the ’90s fashion is on full display here
• A dream about a huge wave is a good reason to wake up your cousin and spill your crazy on him
• Pantsing a hockey player is a pretty bold move
• Rollerblade racing on an active street with lots of hills and turns should’ve resulted in at least 20-25% casualties
• But seriously, this may be the best rollerblade sequence ever put into a motion picture. It’s nothing but wall-to-wall speed, stunts, and wipeouts.