These questions and answers with the Mutant Reviewers staff was originally posted in 2000.

How often, in real life, do you mention to others that you work for MRFH? What are their reactions?

Kyle: Actually a lot, because people always ask what I do (having no visible means of support) and I always reply “I write movie reviews for the internet site Mutant Reviewers from Hell!” The name always gets a reaction, usually a “Cool!” or “Whoa, good name!” The biggest publicity I got MRFH lately was mentioning the page in my Moral Values class and instructing everyone to go there and especially read my High Fidelity review. I know at least four people dropped by and nosed around, and say they’ll continue to do so.

Andie: Every time I’m watching a movie I want to review, I’m usually writing stuff down and then I have to tell people why. They think it’s cool that I review movies for a website.

Justin: “Hi! You might not recognize me from my website…” Quite often. It’s fun as a youth pastor to have a hobby like this, and you’d be surprised how often I use movie clips in my ministry. Word of warning: saying that you’re an internet movie critic does NOT work as a pickup line. I have tried.

Clare: Any time I meet someone new and talk to them for more than 30 seconds. Sometimes that means five times a day, some times that means once a week. Most common reaction: really? cool! you should do a review for “fill in the blank”.

DnaError: As often as I can. Befuddlement.

PoolMan: I must tell at least three people a week (going on what, three years?). The reaction is twofold. The first reaction is that the person is spellbound, a movie nut, someone who must know more about this curious hobby of mine. The second is an uncomfortable squirming and a desire to discuss the economy or a local sports team, followed with a chaser of “I have to stand over here now”.

What’s your favorite in-joke around MRFH?

Justin: It would have to be either the numerous Canadian references, Dna’s mispelling of “Klye” in Kyle’s banner, or just how everyone sees me as an Ogre. That makes me soooo mad… I’ll club them and eat their bones!

PoolMan: I’m becoming a fast fan of the “Covered in bees… covered in bees!” line from DnaError’s MRFH webcomic, but I still stand by my constant pro-Canada rapport with Justin. However, he has (along with our readers) gone a long way to prove that not all Americans are slack jawed yokels who say “ya’ll” constantly. Conversely, I’m starting to bring him around to the shocking truth that we Canucks don’t actually put maple syrup in our coffee while we huddle for warmth in our igloos.

DnaError: Me noty speel weel ggof.

Andie: That at our “headquarters” I make out with everybody.

Clare: That Poolman’s a skirt-wearing poodle walker.

Kyle: How I was very excited to be the first to review Free Enterprise, then I mentioned it to Justin who proceeded to tear the wind out of my sails by reviewing it first! Curses!

What’s the best date movie to rent?

Clare: Evil Dead 2 — anyone who’s never seen it should, and it’s a good barometer for deciding if your date is worth continuing to date

PoolMan: Depends on what you want out of the date. Rowr. No seriously, I have a couple. For light fun, I’d say The Cutting Edge. It’s easy to digest, it’s fun, and there’s hockey in it. If you’re like me and have a literary genius for a girlfriend, Dead Poets Society takes the cake. It’s deep and moving, and you can cry without looking like a wuss. Not that I did, or anything…

Andie: Anything scary (cause then you get to grab your date. hee hee)

Justin: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Just kidding.

Kyle: Fletch.

DnaError: I wouldn’t know, I never go on dates.

What is one thing you really, really hate when going to a movie theater?

Andie: When people talk during movies, I want to go out to the lobby, get a plastic bag, and put it over his or her head.

DnaError: 15-year-old girls who giggle endlessly for no reason.

Kyle: When I have to sit with a stranger immediately next to me!

PoolMan: ANY form of wireless communications. I actually clap for those “Please turn off your cell and pager” messages they’ve started playing lately. And although it’s only happened once, I’m also really annoyed when people bring children to movies that are either incredibly violent or in another language. I mean, how fair is that to the poor kid?

Justin: People talking VERY LOUDLY through any part of the movie, including the previews. “Darn it, my hearing aid batteries died… HEY, DE NIRO IS IN THIS? HE’S A GOOD ACTOR, DON’T YOU THINK?”

Clare: Dumb-assed mother ******* who bring their kids to movies and then won’t shut them up when the kid starts getting bored and throwing **** and making noise people who, right before they do a reveal at the end of a twisty turny movie, whispers to the person next to them what the big secret is. People who don’t understand that when someone turns around and glares at you in a darkened theater that means “I didn’t pay $7 to listen to your sorry ass babble on and on about your ******* problems there’s a MOVIE playing so shut the **** up!”

What’s the craziest or strangest thing you’ve done this past year?

Justin: Drove 18 hours by myself to Las Vegas. On a whim.

Clare: Willingly and with great anticipation traveled to upstate NY in the dead of winter. Went back to college at 26.

DnaError: Joined Raider Robotics, oh yes, and become a Mutant Reviewer.

PoolMan: I spent $600 of my own money to meet a total stranger I met over the internet who lives in Detroit. Does that qualify?

Kyle: Announced myself as a dedicated environmentalist and have now found previously unknown sections of Southern California subculture inviting me into their mix as a result.

Andie: Last spring, at the University of Missouri in Columbia, I streaked down the hall of a boys wing of a dorm in just my underwear.

Lay it on the line: your all-time favorite movie.

PoolMan: Oh come ON! That’s such an unfair question. But if I had to make a quick decision (in the words of Joe the Circle, we need action, not thought!) I’d say Empire Strikes Back. It’s got kitschy sci-fi nerd value, cult status, humour, suspense, quotes, and a plotline in which the good guys are neither invincible or victorious by default. It’s the best of the Star Wars line, and always stands out in my mind.

DnaError: (tie) Blade Runner, The Empire Strikes Back

Andie: Jaws

Clare: East of Eden (if forced to pick one)

Justin: Aliens (“Game over man, GAME OVER!”)

Kyle: Fletch

What movie has seriously freaked you out the most?

Kyle: Don’t Look Now

Clare: Full Metal Jacket stayed with me for a while. Life is Beautiful made me cry so much I actually couldn’t stop even after the credits were done. That’s kind of freaky. I still can’t sleep is if I watch The Omen right before bed.

Justin: The Exorcist or The House on Haunted Hill (the only film I’ve ever actually screamed like a little girl at)

DnaError: I know it’s cliché, but The Blair Witch Project. Brought back from horrific memories from camping and gave me that elusive sense of dread.

Andie: The Exorcist

PoolMan: When I was a kid, they released kind of an evil Muppet movie called The Dark Crystal. Aside from the fact that at age eight nearly everything in that movie scared the bejeebers out of me, there’s a scene where the characters think that they saw a bush move, or something. So of course, like idiots, they go over to look, and after a short, silent approach to the bush, the main guy puts his hand down, and a creature which is about 90% mouth lunges out with a huge noise. That scene gave me nightmares for months, and literally kept me from going in the forest down the road for weeks. Now that I think about it, that’s probably exactly why I don’t watch scary movies to this day.

Other than The Doom Generation, name a movie you loathe with all your heart.

Clare: Road Trip is the most recent piece of crap I’ve sat through.

Kyle: Brokedown Palace

Andie: Dumb and Dumber

PoolMan: Very Bad Things. I can take a bad movie, but when you take a flick that looks like it could have had some life in it and then have it ruined right before your eyes, you just hate it that much more. I mean, it’s the classic “group of drunken idiots accidentally kill a hooker, and then all kill each other” story, but the concept falls to the floor and fails. It coulda been a contender. But it’s not witty and tongue-in-cheek, it’s mean and immature, and I really don’t care for it.

DnaError: Red Mars. Making a nude Carrie-Ann Moss and space travel boring takes a supreme lack of talent.

Justin: Whipped. I’ve never known myself to hate a movie more. Literally wanted to strangle all involved in the making of it.

What specialized film genre do you see yourself as an expert in?

Justin: College movies about friends being crazy

Kyle: Slasher films with a tender love story emerging between horribly bloody murders

Andie: Movies where a guy and girl fight constantly and really end up getting together (Cutting Edge, Much Ado About Nothing)

Clare: Film noir, gangster flicks, James Dean movies, British comedies.

DnaError: Best movie featuring Smart Alecky robots and a man from Wisconsin — Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

PoolMan: Lately, I’ve taken to trying to get my girl to let me rent more of what I call “Man Movies”. These are movies that typically involve explosions, car chases, and guys hitting each other. Not that I have a particular wont for any of these, I just like bugging my girlfriend. =)

What was the most underrated movie of 2000?

Andie: U-571 (I liked it)

PoolMan: Despite a cop-out ending, I really enjoyed a movie called Saving Grace (I think it was 2000…). It’s a funny story about a widowed botanist who ends up growing monstrous pot plants to pay the huge hidden debts her late husband built up. If you stop the tape about five minutes before the actual end, you have a truly sweet and funny film that would be great for a date movie. It’s NOT your typical “pot movie”. And it features Mr Wick from the Drew Carey Show, too! How can you go wrong?

DnaError: State and Main and Almost Famous

Kyle: Return to Me

Justin: Frequency and Pitch Black

Clare: Charlie’s Angels. I underestimated how good it was going to be… I don’t know if that counts as underrated in a general sense though.

What trends in film have you noticed in the past few years?

Justin: One good idea comes out in a movie — a horror film that makes self-genre references or Camcorder-Cam or bullet-time — and suddenly every new movie has to jump on the boat and do it WORSE.

PoolMan: I wrote a rant about this once, but to sum it up: two different movies, exact same concept released within a few months of each other. You have your End of the World by Asteroid flicks (Armageddon, Deep Impact). There’s also Computer Animated Cartoon Bugs (A Bug’s Life, Antz). God, there were even those two godawful When Volcanoes Attack movies (Dante’s Peak, Volcano). Or how about Mars Phobia (Red Planet, Mission to Mars)?

Kyle: Dialogue is getting worse!

DnaError: Shift from long pans and zooms (AKA most ’70s movies) to quick, rapid cuts and editing tricks. More ironic, pop-culture savvy hipness (which is a good thing when used right). And use of prequels to further stripe mine a movie. Everything else is exactly the same.

Clare: Big ensemble casts with multiple interlocking story lines. It started years ago with Pulp Fiction but has been really built on recently (Traffic, Snatch, Magnolia, Out of Sight, etc.)

Andie: Jumping on the Scream bandwagon.

One movie you always recommend to friends…

Kyle: Fletch (naturally)

DnaError: Wayne’s World… the most quotable movie in history (followed only by its sequel and MST3K). No man should be without it.

Justin: PCU. I actually hate recommending films to friends, because you run the danger of them not liking it, and then blaming me, never trusting me again, and crossing me off their Christmas fruitcake list. Why do you think I do it?

Clare: Say Anything.

PoolMan: Ah ha… the key is NEW friends. How outrageous do you want to seem? Lately though, I’ve found myself trying to convince endless people to see Mystery Science Theater 3000. The problem is that it’s not exactly the best concept to explain to a newbie. “Okay, you have this imprisoned guy in orbit with a bunch of insane robots that he built himself out of vital ship parts, and they sit around and watch really bad movies, and they talk all over them”. Then you get more or less the same reaction as in Question #2.

Andie: Fight Club and American Beauty

When you go video store shelf browsing, what feature on the video box is most likely to make you rent it?

DnaError: Full frontal nudity and shiny shiny covers.

Kyle: Shiny foil lettering

Andie: It’s what’s on the back that gets me because it has to sound like a good movie. I’ve rented a lot of movies that, based on the picture on the front, looked really stupid, but turned out to be really good.

PoolMan: Well, for whatever reason, I know what makes me NOT rent a movie: seriously ’80s artwork depicting a half-naked woman being chased by one or more men (and there are literally dozens of those). What WAS it with the box art designers in the ’80s? But in terms of what grabs me now… I’d say dark, serious art or photos, something with grit and mystery. I don’t need a box covered in the primary colours, I want something a little more serious. Or South Park characters. Whatever.

Clare: Who’s in it, who directed it.

Justin: A quote recommending the movie from Sixty Second Preview, ’cause those guys are basically shills and will give a movie a good quote if no one else will (“FIRESTORM 3: QUEST FOR FLAMMABLE MATERIALS is a masterpiece of Western Civilization, and stands next to the Holy Bible in my home”).

What is your favorite movie snack food?

Justin: I’ve been getting into this instant oatmeal kick at home.

Kyle: Trail mix

DnaError: Human flesh, peanut butter cups.

Andie: Gobstoppers (Since you suck on them, they last all movie)

PoolMan: Gummi Bears, for sure. BUT, I want to make it perfectly clear that the Care Bear Gummis I had in Detroit were NOT the kind I usually buy, and they weren’t even made from the same stuff. I normally prefer the smoother, more masculine Gummi Bears in the yellow bags. Now get off my case. [ed note: We now call him “Poole Bear” and ask him to “shine” his love every time he walks into the room. He’s so cutie.]

Clare: Beer (preferably a lighter beer so that more can be consumed without getting full)

What was the first R-rated movie you saw?

PoolMan: Holy cow… I have no idea. I really don’t. I guess I’d go out on a limb and say Commando (an old Arnie movie). I’m pretty sure that’s R-rated. I was pretty young when I saw it, but I can still very clearly remember the scene where Ahnuld hacks off the guy’s arm with his machete. Ah, the sweetness of youth.

Kyle: The Terminator

Clare: Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warriors

DnaError: I seriously cannot tell you. My non-video game memories are kind of blurry.

Andie: Jaws (I was 5 or 6 and it scared the piss out of me)

Justin: The Crow… I told my parents I was going to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2.

How often do you rent movies and/or go to theaters?

DnaError: At least once a week, twice if I saved some money.

Justin: I go to the theaters once or twice a week (sometimes catching two movies in a row)

Andie: Every other week

Kyle: 2 to 3 times a week

Clare: At least once a week, usually more. If I rent movies, I tend to get at least 3 and sometimes, if I’m making a weekend of it, up to 9.

PoolMan: I usually rent two movies a week, and go for a mix of new releases and older stuff. I have decided that going to theaters is pretty much reserved for action packed/visually spectacular movies that just demand you seem them on the big screen. Going out for a movie has turned into a $30 event in the last couple of years, and frankly, I’d rather make my rent.

Who’s the first attractive actor or actress that comes to mind?

Andie: Out of all actors AND actresses, Angelina Jolie hands down. She exudes sexuality, I’d totally do her.

Justin: Jessica Alba… the girl can’t act, but she can stand. Alyson Hannigan and Ally Sheedy too (I liked the “before” Sheedy in The Breakfast Club, not the made-up “after” Sheedy).

Clare: John Cusack, Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Elizabeth Shue

PoolMan: We have to provide both? Well, in the interest of heterosexuality, I’ll start with sexiest actress. I have a thing for Elizabeth Hurley. Even just saying her name. Liz Hurley… mmmm… 😉 I actually continue to maintain that my girlfriend fairly resembles her, but she thinks I’m just being nice. Sexiest guy is a little harder to peg down (seeing as I don’t find guys all that sexy), but I’d have to say that Sean Connery is STILL the Man. Whether you liked Entrapment or not, he still knows his way around Catherine Zeta Jones. Plus he’s got the name. I mean, “Sean”, it just screams sexy!

Kyle: actress: Eliza Dushku, actor: Pierce Brosnan

DnaError: Actor: William Dafoe, in full Shadow of the Vampire makeup. Actress: Gillian Anderson in a huge hat in The House of Mirth

What movie actor/actress do you wish extremely slow torture (“Tort-choore”) upon?

Justin: I’m so torn, because I dislike so many many actors… but I’d have to say Meryl Streep (her cheekbones and acting talent are both artificial) and Adam Sandler before he got likable.

Andie: Reese Witherspoon (in Cruel Intentions, I was rooting for Sarah Michelle Gellar and when Reese guest starred on Friends, I almost couldn’t watch it. I hate that girl!)

Clare: Wynona Rider!!

Kyle: Claire Danes!!!

DnaError: Val Klimer, he acts with his chin only, never been in a good movie, and should be stripped of his skin and made to dance for my amusement!

PoolMan: Most days, Adam Sandler. Although there are exceptions, for the most part I just can’t condone a grown man making a fortune off of stereotyping idiotic retards who constantly scream at the tops of their lungs. Then again, how much talent does it take to make psychotic mood swings into marketable characters? Still, I’d push bamboo under his fingernails, sure.