“One man. One gun. One chance.”

Justin’s rating: Yes, let’s turn kids onto a hero who uses guns to solve all his problems! Wait, that’s the Punisher, ain’t it?

Justin’s review: Back in the day, it wasn’t completely unheard of for movies, TV shows, breakfast cereals and even toys to come packed with comic books that would expand upon the vast mythos of, say, the Sugar Crisp Bear. But Firearm may be the first instance I’ve experienced where a comic book came bundled with a prologue movie.

It happened. And it is a little crazy. Malibu Comics — perhaps best known for creating Men in Black —  took such a risk in order to give a new superhero Firearm a push. Since said comic book series only lasted a couple years and 18 issues, I think it’s fair to say that it made a minimal impact upon geek culture, leaving behind this cinematic orphan for us to adopt and nurture.

This short (32 minutes) film features Alec “Firearm” Swan (James Jude Courtney), a private investigator who gets wrapped up in cases involving metahumans. Sorry, “ultrahumans.” This was the ’90s after all, where you couldn’t get more ultra than ultra. And the whole ultrahumans thing is so that the viewer/reader doesn’t feel that bad when Swan mows them down with his guns.

That’s it. That’s the whole schtick here. It’s a nominal superhero who is trigger happy and a nominal movie that exhausted Hollywood’s entire squib reserves for at least three days.

Firearm is a good reminder that it takes some skill and nuance to translate characters from the page to the screen. A lot of dialogue in speech bubbles comes off as incredibly awkward if it’s shoved into human mouths without some rework, and that’s a lot of what we get here.

Swan is on the trail of Duet, a demon-possessed dude who shoots up an entire police station. The police generally don’t like Swan, but it’s not going to stop him. He’s got bullets to expend! Pew pew, I’m Alec Swan! If he’s not practicing his Second Amendment rights, Swan’s thinking about it, narrating it, or trying to speed run every film noir cliché.

Probably my favorite thing about Swan — other than his not-compensating-for-anything gun, of course — is that he’s got a British accent. Sometimes. It cuts in and out, perhaps following the mini-strokes happening in his brain, I don’t know.

Firearm may not be subtle or even that coherent, but it is kind of funny in an over-the-top way and doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Intermission!

• This was sold with a copy of Firearm #0, which continues the story. The Firearm series lasted to issue #18, and was followed by issues #0 to #5 of Codename: Firearm.
• Reportedly, there were a few different cuts of this movie, including a 50-minute version
• Other than this movie and the Men in Black franchise, the only other movie adaptation of a Malibu series is 1997’s NightMan.
• Those are some strange pre-credits title cards
• Would you like some water with your milk? What are you drinking there?
• “YOU’RE NOT DEAD CHARLIE!”
• Police interrogations are non-stop yelling sessions
• Maybe you cops should pay attention to the hulking man wearing a bonnet?
• “Action films are for morons.”
• What’s with the upside-down prisoner?
• Charlie’s death expression is pretty funny
• Getting shot will turn you around 180 degrees and launch you through a window
• If you get shot in the arm, just throw a light bandage on it and get back to work
• “So I waited. And people died.”
• The blood rolling down from behind the girl’s sunglasses was a creepy little moment. But why’s she still sitting up so stiffly in the diner when she’s dead?
• This movie LOVES its huge cell phones
• “Convince me, because your script is boring me and that means death at the box office.”
• SPIN CAMERA SPIN
• Everyone calling Swan “Firearm” is quite cumbersome. It’s just not a good nickname.
• Wait, flashbacks to what happened like 15 minutes ago?