“Bill, we’ve spend our whole life trying to unite the world, and I’m tired of doing it.”

Anthony’s rating: Rock On

Anthony’s review: So I’m sitting here watching this movie because I feel I have to, less and less trying to keep an open mind nor to remember who I was back in my teens when I adored those characters. All for an article I was less and less sure I’d be writing because who cares about Bill & Ted anymore, really? And then something funny happened. Not… I mean… I’m not about to launch into an arc here, I literally mean something funny happened. In the movie. Because so far not much had. Nor interesting, for that matter. But this, as simple and quick and probably unintended as it was, made me burst into an out-loud chuckle.

Put a pin in that, because it happened again. HA! And again. I mean, you gotta give it up for a movie that drops the humor hammer a full hour into its ninety-minute runtime. Respect to the headlining duo for letting their support cast be the ones who brought it. The thing is (yeah, ok, arc) NOW I’m actually enjoying this, and maybe even enough to call it one of the best threequels this century.

Quick backtrack for those not in the know. The film concerns William “Bill” S. Preston Esq. (Alex Winter) and Ted “Theodore” Logan (Keanu Reeves), two former teenage slackers who are now… adult. Slackers. Once, 31 years years prior, they were visited by Rufus the time traveler (George Carlin) who taught them that one day a song written by them will unite and save the world. But they won’t get there unless they pass their high school history presentation, so he gave them an ‘American’ TARDIS and sent them through history so they could learn it good. Then two years later an evil future guy sent robots to kill them, they met and defeated Death (William Sadler), and they came back to play an ‘excellent’ concert in front of 25K people. With Death on bass.

But now, middle-aged suburban dads and has-been musical act whose gigs can’t even pack a seniors bingo hall, they still haven’t written that damn prophetic song. Their co-dependence is driving away their wives, their grown daughters are turning into exact clones of themselves, and reality is about to end, in like seventy-five minutes dude, unless they come up with that tune once and for all. Quick fix, they decide: Let’s travel forward in time and seek a version of themselves who HAVE succeeded. But as they do so, a killer robot (again) is sent after them in hopes that their nonexistence will prevent all nonexistence.

Truth be told I haven’t watched Excellent Adventure in over 15 years, and I only watched sequel Bogus Journey once; didn’t like it as much, but William Sadler solidly planted his Grim Reaper as one of the most hilarious supporting characters of the 1990s, and that is my sole reason to appreciate the sequel. I probably will not re-watch either for fear they won’t hold up, and watching the late third entry wasn’t high on my to-do list. The trailer showed me a duo that still go “Whoa, Dude!” decades after it stopped being a thing, and somehow arthritis-year-old me don’t find that funny, or charming, or anything positive. That point alone, as I somehow still launched into the film to review it, kept grating at me.

Back to the story, our zeroes keep meeting older and older versions of themselves who are increasingly worse losers as well, which is more depressing than funny for me; you’re middle-aged and already feel like a failure and you see from a comedy that it only keeps going downhill. So far not enjoying this film. But then the killer robot makes a mistake: he lasers to death the wrong people. And then…panics! THAT took me by surprise and made me start paying attention.

Introduced as a Terminator-type cold-stone killer, this tin man suddenly shows he already has a heart. When he talks he doesn’t sound robotic, he sounds like a dweeb. Whose voice is incredibly similar to NoHo Hank on Barry (because HE IS!). The more he opens his mouth the funnier the film gets, and when he does eventually find his targets, he… does something so friggin’ hilarious I shan’t spoil further. But you start realizing the two leads weren’t failing to bring the funny, they were gearing up to bring characters who are funnier. One of those had just arrived. And then they break out the Big Gun: Death. The moment Bill Sadler appears, he steals the show as if the whole thing was his personal playground all along. With one simple combination of body language and German accent (kids, go on Wikipedia and look-up Ingmar Bergman if you wanna begin to understand), he makes me laugh out loud straight away, which I promise you is not easy because I laugh the way I die, on the inside.

By then the whole thing is beginning to make sense, starts being funny, and dagnabbit starts being interesting. You finally suspend your entire disbelief and find yourself caring AF about those people. Keanu Reeves, one of the bigger stars on the planet, and his co-star who didn’t need the paycheck because he’s a prolific producer and director, are using the platform that made them famous in order to let others shine. Starting with William Sadler, one of the most underrated actors of his time, then with Samara Weaving (niece of Reeves’ Matrix nemesis Hugo Weaving), the superb Anthony Carrigan, and Louise Flippin Belcher herself.

Keep that in mind folks, because that’s the key to the story, and the movie, in every aspect. Suffice it to say, as soon as the end credits rolled, which emphasize what I just illustrated and is amazing to no end, I felt like watching it again with the hindsight I now had. Let’s be honest, Bill & Ted Face the Music never had a chance at any sort of award except maybe for best-aging lead actors, but as reluctant as I was going into to it, the film defied every expectation I didn’t bother having. It looks simple of mind, but ends up being huge of intent and gives the message we all need more than anything RIGHT NOW for that better future those two slackers were destined to build. Watch it, you’ll get it.

Justin’s rating: Let’s reach out and touch someone

Justin’s review: There are few movies that encapsulate my personal childhood than Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. I loved its doofy charm, its time traveling exploits, and its bizarre cast of characters — most significantly San Dimas’ Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan. I loved the music and the montages, the over-the-top ending and the joyful way that two idiots used time to their own advantage. And while I wasn’t the biggest fan of Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey at first, it’s a movie that’s really grown on me over the years thanks to William Sadler’s portrayal of Death and the courage it had to strike a different path than the first movie.

But now, nearly 30 years after the second movie, we’re entering the final act of this oddball trilogy — a final act that wasn’t, strictly speaking, necessary. Was there really such a pent-up demand for two men in their 50s to reprise the roles that made them cult legends decades ago? I guess we’re in this era where everyone and their studio mother is greenlighting sequels and reboots to franchises that have long since gone dormant.

Yet this kind of works in a meta sense for Bill and Ted Face the Music, because having two middle-aged actors return to the films that they enjoyed doing together a long time ago is a lot like middle-aged anyones getting the old band back together, going to high school reunions, or reviving some dorky movie review blog that they originally started in their early 20s. If you’re not dead yet, why not? Why not sally forth and have a good time with a total vanity project?

In that spirit, Bill and Ted 3 leans into the duo’s adult life, showing them as never having established their great legacy (retconning the end credits of Bogus Journey), which was to unite the world in peace through one amazing song. Contacted once more by the future, Bill and Ted are told that reality is going to collapse in a little over an hour if they don’t make it happen. Without a clue as to how to make this be-all, end-all tune, they start traveling into their personal futures to see if they can rip off the song from themselves.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t go that well. Their future selves are falling apart from bad choices and time stream meddling, and Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves appear in a succession of bizarre getups to show their ride down to rock bottom.

But while they’re doing this, their two daughters — Billie and Thea — are doing some time traveling of their own in an attempt to form a band of most excellent performers to help their dads out. So we get this dual storyline that is a little funnier on the Bill and Ted side but a lot more well-paced on the girls’ side. The girls’ trip reminded me a lot of Excellent Adventure’s history report round-up, although the band members aren’t given room to develop personalities and endear themselves to us as Socrates, Billy the Kid, and Joan of Arc once did. It’s kind of telling that the funniest side character is an insecure assassin robot named Dennis who gets some good laughs with the few lines he’s given.

Eventually, the trips converge in hell, where we finally get a reunion with Death, who’s on the outs with Wyld Stallyns and still cheating with games. It’s here that the old band literally gets back together for a final ride, and if that’s not a self-aware commentary, I don’t know what is.

So is Bill and Ted Face the Music good? I’ll say that it’s… OK. It’s not a worst-case disaster, but it’s not quite as good as I was hoping it would be either. The pacing seems off, for starters, lurching from scene to scene with different levels of intensity when the whole film should have been constantly ratcheting up the tension and stakes. Some of the jokes land, others don’t, and there are too many missed opportunities for more that aren’t taken. As I said, none of the historical figures really stand out in any way, and even Death is only shoved into the last 15 minutes or so.

Yet Winters and Reeves’ chemistry and mannerisms are shockingly still right up there, and we can coast a long way on the goodwill that the two send their fans. It’s obvious they’re having such a great time being in this movie and finally coming back to these characters that you genuinely want to forgive the weaker points of the movie and cheer on the moments that do land. The daughters do a great job giving us gender-flipped versions of Bill and Ted, and there are plenty of terrific callbacks to previous films, such as a Rufus cameo, Ted’s Dad, and Missy-I-mean-mom.

Maybe it wasn’t a necessary film, but it definitely made me happy in a year where we need all of the reminders of better times with old friends.