“Let’s cut out all the loaded words. Ghost, spook, apparition, phantom. This isn’t some little shade that couldn’t get into Heaven because the Pearly Gates were shut. It’s something else. Something interesting.”

Sitting Duck’s rating: Six out of 10 mineral foundation-based media storage devices

Sitting Duck’s review: If for some reason you chose to skip over to the plot summary before coming back here, you might be wondering how this movie could possibly have anything to do with Christmas. Aside from one character uncovering a rather abnormal letter to Father Christmas, there isn’t so much as a hint of festive cheer. To all appearances, Mitchell is more of a Christmas movie than this.

Well, it all stems from the 19th Century tradition of telling ghost stories during Christmas, though only a few (such as A Christmas Carol) actually have a connection to the holiday. Even though it fell out of favor, some hints of it carried on, most notably in the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” with the line “There’ll be scary ghost stories.” The concept was revived in the 1970s when the BBC presented the annual A Ghost Story for Christmas series. Most of these were adapted from period literature, with M.R. James being a favorite source author.

The Stone Tape was different. As well as being an original screenplay by Nigel Kneale of Quatermass fame, it also had a contemporary setting. Though not officially part of A Ghost Story for Christmas, it was broadcast on December 25th, so is regarded by many as at least a redhead stepchild of the series. But how does it stack up on its own?

Our story begins at the rundown country estate Taskerlands, which has been refurbished for use by Ryan Electronics. The research team led by Peter Brock (Michael Bryant) being assigned there have been tasked with developing a new media format superior to what’s currently on the market. And as with any new project, there’s already been a cock-up. Shortly after arriving, Brock is informed by the estates manager Roy Collinson (Iain Cuthbertson) that the room which was supposed to be devoted to storing their computer data is unfinished. Apparently the workmen quit the job partway through, though they were cagey about why they stopped.

More troubling is how what work that did get done has revealed that the room is part of an older structure dating back to Saxon times. If word got out, there would be cultural preservation busybodies crawling all over the place, yammering about compulsory purchase. As far as Brock is concerned, he and his team have real work to do. So everyone will be expected to keep their yaps shut about this legal wrinkle.

It’s soon discovered why the workmen were reluctant to get their job done. As with any British manor worth its salt, there’s a ghost haunting the room. Most of the personnel just hear footsteps, followed by a woman’s scream. However, computer programmer Jill Greeley (Jane Asher) gets the full experience with the visual components. A bit of research reveals that a maid had fallen to her death in that room in 1892. This phenomenon intrigues Brock, and he has recording equipment set up in the room. However, much to his chagrin, the equipment picks up nothing, even though the ghost made its presence known to the people there.

Brock then has an epiphany. The ghost isn’t a ghost as the term is commonly understood. Rather, the moment of the maid’s death was recorded through some unknown process into the stone foundation. The recording then plays back when a suitable receptor in the form of an adequately sensitive human is in range. What’s more, the sensory information goes directly to the brain rather than pass through the eyes and ears, which would explain why the recording equipment was so useless.

What particularly excites the research team is how this could be the revolutionary media format they’ve been seeking. The trick will be to figure out how it works, getting it to record what they want, and developing a consistent playback trigger. But is this phenomenon really as mechanistic as Brock thinks it is? Or will they end up uncovering other recordings that are more sinister than a Led Zeppelin album played backwards?

A word of warning to anyone who decides to check this out. If you are sensitive to screaming and/or intense electronic sounds, you should NOT wear headphones while watching it. I found that out the hard way.

The premise of investigating and/or combating supernatural phenomenon with Science! was hardly new at the time. H.P. Lovecraft wrote The Shunned House back in 1924, and there are probably older examples of which I’m not aware. But I believe it was one of the first to suggest that ghosts are merely a sort of psychic recording. It’s almost certainly the first where the characters attempt to exploit the phenomenon for profit, twelve years before Ghostbusters.

Something a lot of viewers may struggle with is how Brock is essentially the lead character. Even referring to him as a protagonist is a stretch, as he is completely unsympathetic. He’s patronizing, rude, and self-absorbed throughout the movie, and can be particularly horrible towards Greeley. He’s not the sort of character your average viewer would self-identify with. And if you do find yourself self-identifying with him, you might want to take a good, hard look at yourself and try to figure out where you went wrong. Be that as it may, Michael Bryant does a good job with the character. No surprise, since he frequently did these sorts of roles, to the point where he kind of got typecast. But to paraphrase Martin Sheen’s vastly more talented, yet less appreciated brother Joe Estevez, “Typecast is still cast.”

Perhaps you might wish to regard Greeley as the main character instead. However, she has her own issues, mostly from her status as the Token Girl. Her being the only female member of the research team in and of itself is not a problem. While women may have been making progress regarding workforce participation in the 1970s, not all professions were equally accessed. Technology research would have still been guy-dominated at the time. If anything, her presence on the team could be considered anomalous. The issue comes from how she’s the most sensitive to the ghost’s presence, and as a result comes across as rather hysterical, leading to all sorts of Unfortunate Implications. Though the core problem here is in how the character was written, it can be difficult to feel charitable towards the actress while having to endure her shrill rantings.

At least we have an impressive supporting cast. This eccentric collection of boffins and sparks display a great deal of camaraderie, with their interactions being quite engaging. Michael Bates as Eddie Holmes particularly stands out. He’s like a bearded human version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. Though considering the time frames, it would be more appropriate to say that Bunsen is a hairless Muppet version of Holmes. At the very least, he’s the sort of character you’d expect to see in a Pertwee-era Doctor Who serial. So I was rather surprised to find out that Bates never appeared on that show.

While the overall storyline proceeds in a reasonable fashion, there’s a fumble during the conclusion. One of the hazards of writing horror concerns how much should be revealed about the monster. Too little and the audience is left frustrated and unsatisfied. Too much and the audience could regard it as less impressive than it seemed in the writer’s head. It’s a delicate balancing act, and in my opinion The Stone Tape errs in the former direction. As I see it, it’s not really clear what exactly happened to Greeley or what those superimposed colored lights are supposed to be. While there have been some explanations offered by other viewers, to me they come across as Head Canon being spackled over the plot holes.

There’s a lot of potential in this production, with its intriguing science meeting the supernatural concepts. But the flaws drag it down too much for me to give it an unreserved endorsement.

Intermission!

• Spam was never fit for human consumption
• A rather odd Christmas wish
• At least it wasn’t the one that rhymes with bigger
• This explains so much about the modern environmental movement
• “Find out exactly what makes it– well, it doesn’t tick. It patters its feet and screeches.”
• Breakfast at Tiffany’s flashbacks
• Literal ghost in the machine
• The three-note sad trombone motif would be appropriate at this moment
• John Carpenter has credited The Stone Tape for inspiring Prince of Darkness. Far from being flattered, Nigel Kneale regarded the homage as an insult. There may also have been some lingering ill will over his unhappy experience writing early drafts for Halloween III.
• MST3K Connections: None, really. However, Jane Asher (Jill Greeley) also portrayed Francesca in the Roger Corman directed adaptation of The Masque of the Red Death. Corman has an MST3K/RiffTrax rap sheet as long as both of his arms, so she could be regarded as guilty by association.