“I’m a bad girl and I’ve got some nasty mutant tricks, so just back off!”

Justin’s rating: I went on a date with Jubilee once. There were a few sparks.

Justin’s review: A whole lot of credit is (rightfully) given to 2000’s X-Men for kicking superhero movies up into a new tier of authenticity, overall craftsmanship, and faithfulness to its source material. It’s kind of really dated today, yet still enjoyable, and the rise of the superhero genre over the next two decades-plus have a debt of honor to pay to its being a vanguard.

Yet this wasn’t the first time that X-Men appeared on the screen or even as a movie. There was, of course, the amazing five-season animated series that debuted in 1992 and gave me a big Saturday morning fix of comic book action. Another and far less known entry into the franchise came about in 1996, as Fox attempted to create a TV series on Marvel’s relatively new “Generation X” comics. When the $3M pilot for the series wasn’t picked up, it was repackaged into a TV movie.

And what an oddity Generation X is! There are some odd — and no doubt unintentional — ties with the subsequent feature films, such as the same exterior being used for Xavier’s School for Witchcraft and Wizardry and an early appearance of Cerebro. Yet the only recognizable names that come back for the movies are Emma Frost and Jubilee, partially because the comics were a spin-off of the X-Men franchise that mostly featured teenagers and partially because Fox did that thing where they just substituted a made-up superhero for the licensed one due to budgetary reasons.

I guess Professor X, Cyclops, Wolverine, and the rest of the A-listers are on strike, so it’s up to Emma Frost and Banshee to teach the latest batch of mutants at Xavier’s Institute. Emma is as brusque as she is shameless with her wardrobe, while Banshee has all of the charm of an actor who’s given permission to go “full Irish” without any restraints.

The two of them swoop in and rescue Jubilee, a teenage mutant who just so happens to shoot off fireworks at the local video arcade. As a big fan of Jubilee, mostly from her role in the ’90s cartoon, I was a bit disappointed that they didn’t cast her as Asian. She’s got a bit of that trademark spunky attitude, though.

Jubilee meets the other kids and their powers, which include super-stretching skin, fast running, invincibility, eye lasers, and so on. They all butt heads as teenagers on the Fox network in the ’90s tend to do, with awkward insults and rebellious posturing.

If you ever watched the X-Men movies and groused that not enough time was spent in the classroom, then here you go, weirdo. Each of the kids start to explore their potential, show off their powers, go to a ’50s style diner, project on the astral plane, and pick up a few lessons from their corset-wearing teacher. Drama’s dribbled into the cracks between the interesting bits, giving us angst and family issues galore.

Eventually, this crew comes under assault by Tresh, a mad scientist who’s able to harness dreams to mess with people and inject advertisements in slumbering brains. And because he’s played by Matt Frewer, he’s borderline manic and always entertaining. I never say “no” to a heaping of Frewer, especially from this time period. He’s really laying it on thick, but hey, I don’t mind.

So what happened to Generation X? On a very surface level, I could point to the look and FX of the film, as both are really subpar. It simply looks like something created by Fox during that time period, and any comparisons to the movies that follow are only going to embarrass everyone involved in this. So much time is spent not showing any mutant powers because that’s expensive. And if you’re hoping to see costumes, the Blackbird, or much of anything that would mark this as an X-Men property, then keep on waiting.

I think the real issue here is the casting. These teen actors are struggling to be edgy and personable, but there’s not a lot of chemistry flowing here. If this was a series, maybe they could’ve settled into these roles over the course of a couple seasons, but none of the kids really pop on the screen. The adults who play Banshee and Frost are more entertaining, at least, even if they are trying to be as tropish as possible.

You see, if you can’t afford to show a lot of powers and fights all the time, then you’ve got to lean on your characters. And if you’ve got flimsy characters, then you go all-in on Matt Frewer and fart jokes and dream dimensions. That’s pretty much where Generation X landed.

I don’t want to give you the impression that this is to be avoided. I was oddly riveted by it, all the more so by the X-Men connection. They were packing in a whole lot into these 90 minutes, what with the character and school intros, the villain’s mind-control plot, and various escapades. Good? No. Boring? Also no.

It’s not something I would push on my best friends, but for a geek with an interest in this franchise, cheesy failed pilots, and mutants gone wild, I’d slip them a copy and a wink.

Intermission!

• Hey, we even get an intro riff on the familiar “mutation/evolution” prologue!
• Her mutant power is activating a giant wind machine just off camera
• She stretches him like taffy
• Trust any mad scientist who rants at you nose-to-nose
• “Home sucks. Freedom rocks.”
• Cerebro!
• Mutant terrorism is dealt with outside of due process
• Heh, officers Hootie and Blowfish
• “We’re training you to be a superhero.”
• Hey, it IS the same mansion from the films! At least on the outside.
• Let’s have our teenage cast get naked for no good reason because this is the Fox network
• Super-stretchy skin hurts
• Banshee breaking out his power and then holstering his finger guns
• Mondo doesn’t like jello
• Does this whole school only have one bathroom?
• “Of course I’m mental, Kurt, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
• Driving yourself would be cool
• “All right, enough you harpies!”
• Super muscly girl
• “She scared the pimples off a football player’s butt.”
• A food eat-off? This is weird.
• He’s going to make people fart and burp themselves on command?
• Rock climbing and gyroscopes are part of your X-Men training
• SuicideCam was so badly done
• Whoa, Jubilee dropping some major swears
• “I feel like I’m kissing Quentin Tarantino.”
• “Time to say goodnight, boy toys.”
• That’s a lot of Eddies