“I can’t believe it. If they were any dumber, we’d have to water them.”

Justin’s rating: Beware the ducks, especially when you’re showering.

Justin’s review: Back when I lived in Michigan, I was keenly aware of an annual summer phenomenon known as “going north.” Everyone who lived in the south part of the state (Detroit, Grand Rapids, Ann Arbor) would all together pack up everything in their cars and head up I-75 to the more forested north part of the state for cabins, parks, and camping. It seems that this isn’t a new trend, as State Park begins the exact same way on the same highway.

Filmed in 1986 as Heavy Metal Summer but released in ’88, State Park starts with an assortment pack of young adults converging on Weewankah Park for some summer R&R.

But all is not well or even normal at the scenic campground. A businessman fat cat is trying to close the place down to make room for a pesticide plant, Eve (Kim Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Part 2) is trying to win the Weewankah Park Challenge to get into college (they did that instead of the S.A.T.s back in the ’80s), an overzealous ranger is cracking down on everyone for minor violations, a pair of thinly disguised ringers are hired to beat the competition, and two heavy metal rockers are trying to make their way to L.A. and fame.

Oh, and there’s a rogue bear mascot — Weewankah Willy — who’s trying to throw a wrench in the works of the fat cat. He also lives in a cave and talks directly to the camera just in case you aren’t weirded out enough.

I honestly don’t know how you could engineer a more ’80s movie if you tried, yet I don’t think most people have a clue that State Park exists. The thing is, despite its obscurity and tropish storyline, it’s actually a pretty fun flick with a rockin’ soundtrack!

After all, there aren’t many movies that handle summer camping (versus the well-stocked summer camp genre), and this film explores the culture and vibe of these temporary settlements that are all about grilling, late night parties, lake activities, and perhaps catching the eye of the cutie down the row.

Considering the decade and the fact that the director made Screwballs, you’d be forgiven for assuming that State Park is a dull sex comedy romp. But it’s not, not exactly, electing to be more of a knock-off Caddyshack with its prank wars, social stratification, and unexpected romances. While the humor isn’t a laugh-a-minute hilarious, the generally amusing tone is bolstered by a large ensemble cast of generally likable young actor going off on various small adventures and experiencing the travails of dating.

Perhaps the most interesting relationship was the fashion-obsessed yuppie girl — Marsha — who unintentionally falls for a hair metal rocker when he’s not wearing his makeup. After being put off by his ridiculous stage look, she eventually takes up a punk look of her own to meet him in his world. That’s kind of sweet.

Oh, and I loved the other hair metal dude who is outright terrified of senior citizens yet keeps having encounters with these two geriatric gear heads who know more about tech than he does. They all eventually become best buds.

Criticisms? Sure, I have a couple. I really didn’t like that the one girl repeatedly cheated on her fiancee but got off the hook at the end — even after he found out — because she makes a lame profession of love. And the random bits of nudity (so many bare guy butts) keep this otherwise inoffensive flick from being something you might show the kiddos.

Toss in a montage, Ted Nugent, fourth-wall breaking, happy endings, a positive environmental message, terrible haircuts, a final competition, and perverted ducks, and I’m sold. Sure, there’s absolutely nothing new here you haven’t seen before and the protagonist’s legal name is “Truckie” (which I can’t get past), but State Park is still an unexplored slice of the ’80s that’s incredibly good-natured and entertaining if you’ve seen all the rest.

Intermission!

• This begins as a werewolf movie? My bad, it’s… Smokey the Generic Bear!
• That fake bear just got electrocuted, and now he’s talking to the camera
• The theme sounds a lot like that “Oh Yeah” song from Ferris Bueller. I love it. It’s just too short.
• Heavy metal enthusiasts don’t have a great driving record
• That girl has the most childlike voice
• Not a great day when you get booted out of your van wearing only briefs and boots
• That female ranger is not moving her hands from that guy’s rear during the pat-down… and she is very OK with that
• The ranger snapping a Cub Scout’s skateboard in two: “You’re a disgrace to your uniform.”
• “It’s Mr. Rocky Horror Picture Show in person!”
• “Violence is so passé.”
• Maybe don’t camp right next to the outhouses
• “Old people! Weird, man!”
• I like how he’s trying to read the flyer as it’s burning up in his hands
• The senior citizens playing Atari 2600!
• “What kind of meat is that?” “Moose, deer, I don’t think the hunters knew for sure.”
• “I can’t see what I’m eating, are your chives kind of furry?”
• HORROR BELT
• Skunk protest
• Glasses are the perfect disguise
• If you like a guy, just squirt him right on a face while standing on the dock. Predictable results follow.
• That swimmer’s hair is so bleached that he looks bald
• She gets revved up giving guys haircuts? Oooookay.
• Ducks are perverts
• She gets so weirded out at his makeup, which I think is pretty understandable
• The booby trap just caught one
• “You have to admit you look really weird.”
• He thinks he’s “peachy keen”
• Campsites don’t appreciate being woken up by loud drum kits
• The $200 jogging suit
• More perverted ducks… and rangers
• The construction workers making the best of a flooded site… with pool floaties!
• “I’ve got a duck, sir!”
• SLOW-MO DESTRUCTION
• Amazing Madonna makeover
• That kid never gets a break trying to hit on the haircut girl
• The rockers and the old folks jamming out together… with a chainsaw
• TED NUGENT
• I wouldn’t trust any nature marathon sponsored by a pesticide company
• Eddy’s haircut is horrrrrrrible
• Where did they suddenly get white water rapids?
• She abandons her race to save her boyfriend as a bear on a motorcycle… aww
• When in a race, stop and smell the flowers why not
• If you’re on a perfectly good motorcycle, why jump onto a truck?
• You’ll never guess who actually wins the race
• Toxic waste in the face