“Ma’am, I don’t doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?”

Justin’s rating: You may never eat out again after seeing this flick. Seriously.

Justin’s review: True fact: if I ever hear the word “Ryan” connected to the word “Reynolds”, I am there. This explains how I ended up in a very bad part of town last Saturday night, where they sold monkey organs for transplant off of the back of a truck, and where a one-eyed stevedore with bad hair kept following me everywhere, licking his lips. It also explains why I actually saw Blade Trinity and X-Men Origins Wolverine.

Ryan Reynolds seems to have picked up the torch long since dropped by Chevy Chase and Bill Murray, carrying it with pride as he relishes being a witty, sarcastic jerk that you just have to like. At this point in his career, he hadn’t seen a lot of widespread success other than Van Wilder, but his time was coming. Oh yes it was.

Therefore, it’s a sad day when I must come back to you and report that Reynolds is the only bright spot in the workplace comedy Waiting — and it’s not that bright of a spot. Initially, I had hope, for the concept of a comedy set over the course of a day in one of those tacky restaurants where flair is bolted to the ceiling and walls is a promising one. Also promising is the presence of Anna Faris, Justin Long, and Luis Guzmán. Yet those hopes were crushed, like when that stevedore tossed a toilet off of the roof of a building squarely on my back.

In Waiting, it’s another day at Shenaniganz when new kid Mitch is shown the ropes. Instead of discovering a professional, friendly and, above all else, sane workplace, Mitch is exposed to moody waiters, disgusting cooks, and a running game where the object is to make other people look at your unmentionables. Mitch is mentored in his first day by head waiter Monty (Reynolds), who has nothing but disrespect for the head manager and the customers alike. During his shift, a dozen or so little subplots occur (there is no real story here), and everyone is given their little slice of the comedy pie and asked to do what they can with it.

What they can turns out to be “not a lot.” I probably can’t fault the actors, because the lame material they’re handed is mostly unfunny at best and revolting at worst. There’s a lesbian bartender… and she hits on a female customer. Ha. There’s a cook who likes to have sex with his girlfriend. Ha. There’s an angry waitress who bottles up her fury to take out on everyone back in the kitchen. Ha. There are two Jay and Silent Bob-look-alikes who get toasted and talk in gangsta fashion. Ha. There’s a guy who can’t pee at a public urinal. Ha. Mitch is never allowed a word in edgewise. Ha. And so on, and so on.

What’s even worse are the truly revolting parts of Waiting, such as a subplot where the underage hostess is being hit on by both the manager and Monty (because statutory rape is always a comedy goldmine!). Monty boasts about a “thing” he has for high school girls, which is as creepy as it sounds. Also, the cooks do their all-out best to violate food in the most disgusting manner possible, ensuring that you’ll never leave the sanctity of your home again for someone else’s cooking. Does this all sound like a productive way to spend a couple of your life’s hours?

While it could’ve been another entry into the workplace comedy classics, Waiting merely lacks in comparison to all of the films it wants to be. If you like Reynolds, go with Van Wilder. If you like dark workplace satire, boot up Clerks or Office Space. If you like a fun, breezy workplace, check out Empire Records. All of these are much better than this movie, and you won’t hate yourself as much afterward.