“Ah, smells like the old government cover-up.”

Justin’s rating: What are we supposed to use against them, harsh language?

Justin’s review: Before extremely prolific director Fred Olen Ray descended into a nonstop stream of softcore movies and wholesome Christmas romance flicks (because those two deserve to be on the same résumé), he dabbled quite a bit in the arena of cult movies with entries in the scifi, horror, and fantasy genres. I was a huge fan of his 1987 high-tech motorcycle outing Cyclone and less so with Alienator, so it’s been on my list to check out some of his other worthy works.

Is Deep Space worthy? That’s a tough call for this Alien clone and unofficial Creature sequel. About two seconds into this, you are practically guaranteed that nothing that follows will be original. The better question is if it can be entertaining.

A military space craft accidentally crash lands on Earth near some horror movie teenagers (God rest their gullible, “let’s touch the weird thing” natures). “The Project,” as it’s called, brings home some sort of weird creatures that hide out in space rocks until they decides to grow into unstoppable copyright infringements.

With the government even more incompetent than usual, it’s up to a few cops to pick up the slack — and chainsaws — for some alien disposal. Charles Napier (Rambo) is McLemore, a good-natured detective who shrugs off getting shot and doesn’t hesitate to start putting the moves on new transfer Carla (Ann Turkel). He’s also got a superstitious partner named Jerry (Ron Glass, Shepherd from Firefly!), but Jerry is not destined for a long and happy life. It’s best you don’t get too attached to him.

I’ve never really seen Charles Napier as a leading man type, but he’s remarkably good in Deep Space. He strikes a great balance here: grizzled but not cynical, funny but not silly, athletic but not invincible. Also, he seduces a woman with a bagpipe, which you would think is impossible. Aside from Napier, the most famous face in this movie is Batman’s Julie Newmar, who plays a psychic.

As the creatures are bursting through people’s chests and ramping up the death toll, these stoic cops chew on the unfairness of it all, spit out quips like they get bonus pay for each one-liner uttered, and arm themselves with anything that might give them an edge over the big bad. It’s kind of like if Lethal Weapon 5 was stocked with more affordable actors and tasked with investigating a homicidal E.T.

The creature itself is where 90% of this movie’s budget goes, and it is money well-spent. It’s a clear riff on the Xenomorph, only more spikey, more slimy, more tentacley, and with a giant mouth in its chest as well as on its head. Why any creature needs more than one mouth, other than for nightmare fuel, is beyond me. But it’s a lot of fun to see the brute show up to go on rampages.

I’ve seen enough of these Alien knock-offs at this point in my life to be an expert on the subject, and I can tell you that a lot of these clones make or break on the quality of their practical effects. Deep Space relishes showing you its rubber-suited monstrosity in the hopes that more is more, and I can respect that.

So yes, this B-movie is pretty entertaining across the board, as long as you’re the type that loves to show up for some alien vs. earthling action. That’s good, because you won’t be showing up for many dates. I speak from experience.

Intermission!

• NASA gives up pretty quickly these days
• That’s our hero, getting shot in his very first action scene
• Aww he can’t sleep without his gun
• “Make out like some kind of nature girl”? What?
• Government employees like to have a good old fashioned yelling match in what looks like a suburban dining room
• Touch weird space rocks, and you’re going to get mass-tentacled
• Truly macho men don’t go to the hospital when they’re shot. That’s what iodine and whisky is for!
• I like that he takes out the report while he’s napping to give to his chief
• “Throw this rock in jail!”
• Yeah, just dump acid on the space rock to see what happens. Oh, you police lab scientists you.
• “UFO, is that a foreign car?”
• All the really cool detectives have giant sunglasses
• Haha he puts the cigarette in the G-man’s pistol barrel
• Everyone needs a dart board for boring phone calls
• That steak was so burned that it shatters a plate?
• Threatening a woman with bagpipe music until she takes her clothes off weirdly works
• Bring your alien eggs home from work
• “Extraterrestrial?” “No, from outer space!”
• FACEHUGGER ATTACK!
• Haha he takes the alien off his friend and immediately throws it onto his girlfriend