“I haven’t met a man yet that a bullet couldn’t stop.”

Eunice’s rating: It’s knowing that movies like this exist that keeps me watching.

Eunice’s review: Out of all the classic monsters, Dracula has probably had the most diverse adventures in cinema. Along with horror, he’s popped up in sci-fi, romance, comedy, blaxsploitation, drama, ballet, musicals, sci-fi anime with romantic dramedy and robot cat girl maids (there’s only a slim chance I made that last one up). He’s been a count, a teen, a grandpa. Name forward, backwards, or only an initial. Even the family has got into the act what with his daughters, wives, and multitudes of half human offspring traipsing about.

Basically he’s horror’s whore, being pimped out to whatever idea comes up next. It’s okay, Drac. Whatever pays the bills, I won’t judge, buddy.

So it isn’t so unthinkable, nay it was inevitable, that there would be a western Dracula movie…

Before I go any further, let me run down a list:

Godzilla vs. King Kong. Freddy vs. Jason. Aliens vs. Predator. Santa Claus vs. Martians. While the quality of execution may vary, you gotta admit that cult movies have had some pretty cool match up ideas.

I submit for admission to the crazy face off hall of fame Billy the Kid versus Dracula.

Billy the Kid.

VERSUS.

Dracula.

Let that bounce around your brain for a little bit. Say it. Rolls off the tongue it does. I could probably leave this review right there, for that is a title that says it all (you’ll notice I haven’t used BtKvD. Didn’t want to lessen the impact).

We open up with a Romanian/Austrian/Russian/vaguelyEuropean-EasternEuropeanethnicstereotyping family camping out in ye Olde West. They are so worried for their daughter’s safety that she is on the whole other side of the camp. Personally, I think it was more of a put the food in one place sleep in another so the bears’ll eat that kind of scenario, but whatevs. Anyway, John Carradine flies down and puts the bite on the emergency food supply named Lisa.

Dracula then takes a ride on a coach meeting a woman and her brother who are on their way back to her ranch and her daughter. Drac salivates over the daughter’s picture (which no one finds weird in the least), starts a plains war, and takes over the identity of the uncle when everyone is horribly massacred. His plans for the daughter and the ranch are flawless except for one obstacle…

The greatest shot in the West, Billy the Kid!

Well, he used to be anyway. Now he’s just plain ole Billy, gosh gee wilakers. Him and Betty (that’s the daughter) are sweethearts, and he helps manage the ranch. So the trouble starts when Betty’s pervy uncle shows, and especially when our immigrant family says he’s un vampire, ja. Billy then partners up with Medicine Woman Not Dr. Quinn and, together, they’re a force for any vampire to reckon with.

The rest of movie follows the usual ’60s western and vampire shenanigans.

And if all of that sounds just like your cup of ridiculous tea, than I urge you to drink.

Intermission!

• That bat looks like it’s wearing a top hat! To give credit where it is due though, you can’t see the wires, which is better than most.
• Really obvious day filmed as night.
• Aw, Billy and Betty are so cute. I think I might barf.
• Mr. Underhill, well used pseudonym of vampires and Hobbits.
• Mama’s like the worst watch dog ever.
• The secret that he’s Billy the Kid is pretty darn open.
• Wow, does that look absolutely nothing like wolf’s bane.
• Apparently wolves are roaming the plains pulling knives and razors on poor innocent sheepies. I don’t think enough is made about the wolf criminal element.
• Was double billed with Beaudine’s Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter.
• Due to legal issues, the vampire is never named. (But it’s apparently okay to use “Dracula” in the title?)

Groovy Quotes

Dracula: Eighteen and beautiful, yes I would like to see her.

Betty: It’s the 19th Century not the Middle Ages!

Billy: I haven’t met a man yet that a bullet couldn’t stop.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter
• Curse of the Undead
• The Return of the Vampire