“If you truly believe that you write the tale of your life, then the end is up to you.”

The Scoop: 2008 R, directed by Howard McCain and starring James Caviezel, Sophia Myles and John Hurt

Tagline: It destroyed his world. He won’t let it destroy ours.

Summary Capsule: He’s an alien. They’re Vikings. It’s going to be one WACKY team-up to defeat a space dragon!

Justin’s rating: Oh Sophia Myles, I think you and Kyle need to make acquaintance.

Justin’s review: I’ve always suspected that school textbook authors were leaving out important chunks of human history, and now I have proof.  According to the documentary film known as Outlander, in 704 A.D. aliens visited our planet.  One befriended a group of rare English-speaking Vikings, who teamed up to lay the smack down the other alien, an interstellar dragon.

Trust me, you’d NEVER forget something like this when it came to exam day.

It’s probably impossible to top a Vikings vs. Space Dragon tale, so don’t strain your noggin too hard in the attempt, but the question remains: why hasn’t anyone ever seen this movie?  I mean, it was made with a hefty budget, has some really decent CGI and big-name actors, and, y’know, Vikings vs. Space Dragon.  Yet it was dumped into a less-than-desirable month, given a limited release, and suffered middling reviews from heartless, dead-to-me critics.  That’s a tragedy.

Kainan (Jim Caviezel) crash-lands his galactic space buggy smack into middle-ages Norway, with a nasty hitchhiker on board – a hissing dragon-thing known as a Moorwen.  He makes contact with some of the peace-loving beatnik locals, who naturally try to torture and gut him, but there’s some manly “I saved your life so now I’m your best bud” bonding that happens, and before you know it, he’s one of the tribe.

Great for him, not so great for tribe, as the Moorwen comes hunting for food and possibly revenge.  Lots of blood and sudden decapitations ensue.  It’s a good thing that Kainan is there to lend his superior tactical know-how to the situation… or barring that, his dashing good looks.  This movie is Braveheart meets Predator meets Highlander meets The 13^th Warrior meets Riddick, and that’s a party you don’t want to ditch.

Outlander is great in that it rises up to surpass what low expectations you may have set on many occasions, and the backstory of Kainan and the Moorwen is one of those little fun surprises.  Others include terrific special effects, effective action sequences that don’t leave me tossing my cookies because of motion sickness, and a streak of humor that runs through the tribe.  Because while Vikings are cool, drunk Vikings are off the CHARTS, baby!

It’s certainly not a deep or complicated movie, but as a scifi action romp, it more than exceeds the qualifications for a “must own” in my household.  My son must know the truth, when he’s of age to question what our so-called “World History” books tell us.  He must remember the Vikings who saved our world from alien domination.  All hail Odin!

Intermission!

• This is the first film in history to feature Old Norse, the ancestor of Modern Icelandic and several other Scandinavian languages. Howard McCain used an Icelandic professor to help translate the dialogue and to teach the actors how to speak the ancient language.

Groovy Quotes

Wulfric: This is where your ship went down?
Kainan: That’s right.
Wulfric: In a lake?
Kainan: Don’t ask.

Freya: If you truly believe that you write the tale of your life, then the end is up to you.

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Braveheart
• Pathfinder
• The 13th Warrior