“I never miss.”

The Scoop: 2007 R, directed by Robert Rodriguez and starring Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodríguez and Michael Biehn

Tagline: Fully Loaded

Summary Capsule: Nasty toxin turns folks into rotting, dripping zombie-things, while former lovers reunite and an abused housewife seeks freedom

Justin’s rating: I’ve got an axe to grindhouse

Justin’s review: I have to say — Robert Rodriguez is my man.  Not in a romantic sense, although, Robert, buy me dinner and we’ll see.  But I love directors who make it their mission to entertain.  Not to win awards or make a serious point about the oil fields in Alaska or take Forrest Gump and turn it into a soul-sucking mimic – Benji Button, I’m looking at YOU – but to make films that he himself would probably want to watch.  He’s not above making kid films (like the Spy Kids series), or composing music, or kicking ten kinds of south of the border butt with his Mexico Trilogy.  And when it comes to zombie films, he’s given the genre a new chance at redemption after all this recent “zombies are WAY scary and also track runners” hubbub.

Planet Terror is to Rodriguez as Evil Dead 2 is to Sam Raimi, and almost as enjoyable.  As part of the odd “Grindhouse” film experiment (which was originally two exploitation films merged into one theater experience, then later split and re-released into their Rodriquez and Quentin Tarantino counterparts), PT doesn’t wield zombies as a ham-handed social metaphor, or as a new wave of horror, or as a romantic comedy.  It uses zombies the way that God intended – as human-shaped bags of red fluid, just waiting for someone to come along and shoot, stab or explode them.  And there are lots of them for the pickin’.

We’ve often remarked on Mutant Reviewers that intentionally-made cult films often aren’t (cult, that is), but there’s a quality about Rodriquez’s zombiesploitation flick that deserves a hefty audience nonetheless.  It could be that while the tone is dark and often gruesome, it’s also chock-full of humor and memorable characters that spit out the sort of cheeky one-liners that can’t help but woo you.  It’s also that Planet Terror knows exactly what we’ve paid to see, which most certainly is not a slow buildup or a cutaway right before the moment of impact.  Nay, all of the actors are bold, brash and ballsy, going all the way and then a little bit more in their performances.

Planet Terror kick-starts a sort-of zombie invasion right from the beginning, as a standoff between an army madman (Bruce Willis — give him a hand, folks!) and that Iraqi guy from Lost, which turns rotten as a nasty chemical starts infecting the area.  As zombies sweep the land, we turn to a cast of motley characters who will try to stay alive (many of whom fail) – and some to even take the fight to the zombies.  You’ve got a go-go dancer (Rose McGowan) who loses a leg and gains prosthetic firepower in return, her growly anti-hero ex-boyfriend (Freddy Rodriguez), “Nuke the site from orbit” Michael Biehn, Nick Nolte impersonator Josh Brolin, and many more.  From desperate last stands with the zombified kin to a closely-held family secret involving BBQ sauce, one moment is never quite like the next.

Although Quentin Tarantino’s prints are all over this mug, Planet Terror owes its director the full share of acclaim.  Rodriguez isn’t a one-hit wonder – Desperado, From Dusk ‘Til Dawn, The Faculty and Sin City will testify in his defense.  PT contains elements of all of these, but also a little something extra, a little… spice that tickles the senses.  It’s a zombie film that feels fresh even as it parodies the genre of old, just with a higher gore quotient.  And speaking of gore – horror fans will probably wet themselves when they realize that SFX master Tom Savini is the puppet-master behind every gross violation of the human body that you’ll witness.

Playing the fine edge between horror and humor is a tricky, often painful game for some, but here it’s mastered from start to end.   I could be wincing at an incredibly delicate scene one minute, and then be chuckling the next, and cheering the minute after that.  No matter what was going on, Planet Terror didn’t give me a chance to get bored or restless, and that’s why I’ll vote for this Grindhouse candidate instead of “the other guy”.

Intermission!

• Rose McGowan… not a very good exotic dancer. Not that I’d know.
• It’s that Iraqi guy from Lost!
• They have a ball jar? That’s not very civilized.
• Bruce Willis. Now it’s a movie.
• Er, maybe you should go to the doctor with a major leg wound?
• There’s a difference between a Go Go dancer and a stripper. I guess.
• Not a good movie if you’re a needle-phobic
• People are pretty casual about missing limbs and body parts in this film
• This is the kind of film where all bullets explode, and so do cars (for no reason)
• Good BBQ needs a bit of blood in it
• Grainy video and jumps actually work well to heighten the scary scenes
• Hee… little scooter
• GunLeg. I like it.
• This is the second zombie movie I’ve seen where a helicopter’s blades mow down zombies
• The “machine-gun leg” effect was pulled off by putting a cast on Rose McGowan’s leg to keep it stiff and wrapping green bandage around it. A grey wrap was sometimes used.
• In the scene in the hospital when Dakota is called on by her husband Dr. Bill Block to bring the needles there is a brief shot of her notepad which reads: “To do / Cereal for Tony / Crickets for Tony’s pets / Kill Bill”

Groovy Quotes

El Wray: I never miss.

Sheriff Hague: Give him the gun. Give him all the guns.

Cherry Darling: I’m Cherry.
Dr. Dakota Block: You sure are.

Dr. William Block: I’m gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.

Dr. Dakota Block: Tony, if anyone comes up to the car, I want you to shoot them. Just like in your video games: shoot them in the head.
Tony Block: What if it’s dad?
Dr. Dakota Block: Especially if it’s your dad!

If You Liked This Movie, Try These:

• Evil Dead II
• 28 Weeks Later
• From Dusk ‘Til Dawn