It’s been proclaimed and generally accepted that the new, revamped Doctor Who series (which began back in 2005) was a smashing good move on the part of the BBC, ushering in a whole new generation of Whosits who weren’t going to sit through the fantastically cruddy older shows just to get in on this cultural phenomenon.

And while I, too, heartily endorse this show and/or product, I have to say that after four seasons, there are six things that the show could lose and I’d be pretty okay with it (and since they’re bringing on a new showrunner and new cast, I might get my wish).  These are:

1. Rose crying.

Okay, Billie Piper is pretty hot, in a curvy British way, and she’s fairly likable as the everyman who serves as our entrance into the wild and woolly world of Who.  But I don’t know if it’s a constant state of PMS or if she is still recovering from some childhood trauma, because she’s always freaking crying.

Like, every episode.  Usually more than once.

My wife and I would have a countdown to the next Rose cryathon, never quite knowing when or what would set her off, but assured that — oh yes — it would come.  The teargates would open, the eye ducts would pour, and mascara would run, run, run for the hills.

2. “Brilliant!”

I asked a British friend of mine if this is the only catch phrase they have over there, and I think his response was something like, “They have others, but you can’t say them on TV.”  In any case, every script for Doctor Who contains, legally, a minimum of sixteen “brilliant’s”, which can be used either as an exclamation or as an adjective to describe the brilliant Doctor who is using his brilliant mind for all sorts of brilliance.

Also, every Harry Potter movie is guilty of this.  Yes, Ron, we know that’s brilliant.  Get a thesaurus.

3. The “One Chance Or I Turn Psychotic” Rule

One of the things I like about Doctor Who is that the titular character might look like us, but the screenwriters never forget that he is truly and wholly alien.  It’s kind of disconcerting when he suddenly gets really weird or loud, but that’s how it is.

However, I’ve never quite understood or been able to define the Doctor’s wonky sense of morality.  It usually goes something like: mean alien butchers a lot of people and/or threatens to kill more, to which the Doctor offers one chance to cut that right out now, mister, or else!  Of course, alien never backs down, and the Doctor somehow destroys them completely and without mercy or second chances.

This is wonky for two reasons.  One, if a creature has already killed, why do they deserve a second chance when their victims will get none?  And two, what about the people who he only gives one chance to, defy him, but don’t deserve the full wrath of Doctor schitzoid?  Why just one chance, then never again?

4. Holding Hands and Running

For the “progressive” British, Doctor Who is surprisingly stuck in the past when it comes to gender equality.  Even though he’s supposed to be above romance and intimate relations with humans (a long-running trait that the new series has broken repeatedly), he always has at least one good-looking female at his side as a companion, whose main contributions to the show include (1) screaming/getting kidnapped/almost getting killed, (2) one useful skill, and (3) blind loyalty to the Doctor.

Because the female companions are mostly harmless, they need a lot of hand holding — literally.  Nary an episode goes by where the Doctor, whose main form of transportation is a full-fledged sprint to wherever he’s going, doesn’t grab the hand of the useless female and drag her along like they’re going to grade school and have to cross the street.

5. The Doctor’s Superiority Complex

I get it — the Doctor is old as dirt, wiser than Solomon, and from an incredibly powerful race that managed to annihilate themselves while not completely killing their enemy.  I can accept that.  What I have a hard time swallowing, though, is his near-constant lecturing and condescension of the human race, calling us “apes” and getting mad when we pick up a gun to try to defend ourselves against alien aggression.

Just about every decision that a non-companion human makes on the show is “wrong”, in some way, unless they’re part of the cult of the Doctor.  And the Doctor doesn’t miss an opportunity to rub it in their faces with a very mature “I told you so!” when things go badly because of it.

You know, he might be our planet’s protector and all, but if he’s going to sport that attitude, then I’m content to put my trust in Voltron.

6. Everyone treating the Doctor as if was, literally, Jesus Christ returned to Earth.

A little loyalty for your alien supervisor, sure, I can see that.  Love?  Okay, as long as you don’t touch any inappropriate areas.  Even momentary adoration, such as a hard slap on the back couple with a “Good JOB, buddy!”, is acceptable.  But for some reason, the writers became so enamoured with this Time Lord that just about everyone who meets him acts as if he’s the Messiah.  And not just an Obama version of the Messiah, but like a “working miracles, dying for our sins, resurrecting from the dead” Messiah.

The writers bludgeon us over and over with the motif of the Doctor as Jesus that at one point in the beginning of season 4, robotic angels flew him through the air while the Doctor held his arms out in full-on crucifix pose.  Subtle, this show is not.  And we won’t even go into the end of season 3, where the Earth is saved when everyone “believes” in the Doctor enough to give him power.