“Well I get a little nervous when someone tries to kill me.”

Josh’s review: Mining my memory in an attempt to uncover my earliest exposure to Chuck Norris yielded little results. Much like Star Wars, I can’t recall when I first saw one of his films; he has just kind of always been there. I’m sure that was reinforced by my near daily exposure to Total Gym commercials in the later half of the ’90s.

One of his movies my brother and I watched a lot was Sidekicks from 1992. It was quite literally one of my dreams to star in an action movie with Van Damme or Norris or Jackie Chan and, of course, I assumed this would happen with no martial arts training or above-average level of physical fitness. It was a shame when he passed because I think a lot of us assumed he was invincible. The guy has had pages and pages of jokes written about just that. Even though he didn’t turn out to be literally immortal, he’ll live on in the action-packed films and television shows in which he starred.

One of those action films is An Eye for an Eye from 1981 which I watched for the first time in honor of the man when he passed. It was written by William Gray and James Bruner, the latter writing a handful of Chuck Norris films including Missing in Action. Directed by Steve Carver who made the Cannon jam River of Death in 1989, which was one of the worst and most boring adaptations of a book (that was also boring) that I have ever seen. Now I am struggling to decide who is the most emotive actor between Chuck Norris and Michael Dudikoff. One thing is clear, Steve Carver certainly had a type.

An Eye for an Eye follows the story of narcotics officer Sean Kane, played by Chuck Norris, whose partner is brutally murdered via car/explosion, followed by his partner’s girlfriend who has gotten too close to the group responsible. Because of his close relationship to both, Kane personally takes on the task of bringing down the criminal network. What follows is a series of roundhouse kicks, showers of bullet spray, and gasoline-fueled explosions.

Story-wise, An Eye for an Eye is a typical crime/action movie full of tropes you’d expect. Any purveyor of the genre will feel in comforting territory from the moment the angry chief, played by the great Richard Roundtree, begins berating our hero for being reckless. This prompts Kane to slap down his badge and gun and walk away.

We are also treated to a gimmicky henchman in Professor Toru Tanaka’s first feature roll. I know him best from a worn out VHS from my childhood, 3 Ninjas. Whose idea was it to give him a bigger platform in one shoe that caused him to have a ridiculous limp and lumbering walk? Wasn’t it enough for him to be a huge, scary man with a great glowering glare?

At one point in the film he is hit by a Volkswagen which causes him to initiate Street Fighter 2 mode by bashing it with his bare hands. Additionally, there is a forced red herring, a sexual relationship that develops way too quickly, and a climax at a mountain-top compound filled with expendable gunmen.

Chuck does an OK job in his role despite his inability to hit any dramatic highs or lows. Everyone knows what he’s there to do, and he does his job as expected with no frills. He’s like a dependable worker who has held his job for decades, never calls out, and is content to continue linearly until he retires. There is nothing unexpected with Chuck Norris. This film pulls from kung fu and western movies the occasional tight zoom on the eyes — which is arguably one of Chuck’s least expressive body parts. One thing that is always surprising however, is how he manages to get those high kicks with such tight pants.

Rounding out the cast are a handful of genre actors with experience levels ranging from veteran to rookie. Christopher Lee, sporting a fantastic mustache, stars as a high-powered business man and media mogul. Mako, another frequent Norris collaborator, stars as a mentor and sidekick of sorts. The great Matt Clark as a fellow detective who meets an undignified end. And Rosalind Chao, who continues to be an all-time great television actress, as a television reporter. Her character is supposed to be dating Kane’s partner, played by Terry Kiser, which for me was a big stretch of the imagination.

The music was composed by William Goldstein, who also scored the Norris film Forced Vengeance the following year. The score suits the look of the film and gives it the mood you’d expect. It often feels like a leftover from a mid-70s movie, which is also what most of the sets tend to feel like. The main theme is very characteristic of a Bill Conti score from years before. Every time it would fade in I expected to see Rocky start some early morning training session while thinking about his whole life.

All those elements come together to make a fun, cheesy action/crime movie that doesn’t do enough to set itself apart from the slew of films in the genre that saturate the ’70s and ’80s. That’s not to say you shouldn’t watch it. If you’re an action fan and are looking for a straight forward flick that doesn’t challenge your brain then consider this. I know that doesn’t quite sound like a ringing endorsement but, you know what I mean.

Intermission!

• Does Chuck Norris live on an island in this movie? What a pain in the ass to have to park, then hop in a boat and motor to your house. Isn’t San Francisco bay cold and misty with dangerous currents?
• Of course he has driving gloves.
• In every way but title, Chuck has a service dog. Mort for secret hero of this movie! I am surprised with all the seclusion, security, and this service dog the film makers didn’t try to say he was a Vietnam veteran with trauma just to get Bingo on their trope card.
• This woman accepts an invitation from a man she has known for a few hours collectively to stay at his house on an island which has a gate and bars on the windows and door.
• Every bad dude in this movie has a worse shot than a stormtrooper.
• That’s the first time I’ve ever seen a diving board kick into a pool… and it comes around so organically.
• How does this man, who has quit the force, get away with killing and assaulting so many people, not to mention trespassing, without any legal consequences? A question that can be applied to so many action movies.