“The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic.”

Justin’s rating: Honey, I shrunk the ‘burbs!

Justin’s review: If you’re a child of the ’80s or ’90s, then Steve Martin and Rick Moranis mean something to you. More like as not, each starred in at least one of your favorite movies. And in 1990, the two paired up (for the third time, actually) to welcome in the decade with My Blue Heaven.

I’ve held off watching this because gangster movies are really low on my interest totem pole, comedy or not. But good word-of-mouth eventually prodded me to do the right thing — and revisit these old childhood friends.

It’s a simple enough premise: A former mobster boss named Vinnie (Martin) goes into witness protection in the California suburbs, where he’s overseen by extremely uptight and generally frustrated FBI agent Barney (Moranis). However, Vinnie is unwilling to give up his entire persona to blend, and so he sticks out like a sore thumb as a swaggering caricature of every goodfella from Jersey. Even his giant flatop hairdo seems poised in defiance of suburbian norms.

Barney’s not destined for a good time. His wife leaves him because he’s too boring, and his job quickly becomes consumed with trying to keep abrasive Vinnie from acting out and drawing attention to himself before an upcoming testimony can be performed.

Vinnie’s not destined for a good time. Suburbia is suffocating for him, a point that’s emphasized when he bumps into a bunch of former gangsters who are also in witness protection here. Vinnie’s so starving for his former life that he takes every opportunity to steal and scam and start up a local chapter of organized crime.

It’s a buddy comedy in the making, where each guy desperately needs each other for balance but doesn’t know it yet. They also need some love interests, and Barney finds his in the local police department with Hannah (Joan Cusack), an equally uptight person who’s looking for an intelligent man to make the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

Martin’s clearly having a lot of fun with the exaggerated facial expressions and vocal mannerisms of a NYC mobster. He’s so ridiculous but committed to being ridiculous that it becomes acceptable and oh-so-easy to imitate. But don’t count out Barney, who — like a hobbit — has hidden strengths in his short frame. And some dance moves.

I can see My Blue Heaven being someone’s favorite, especially if they’re a huge Steve Martin fan. If it hits your funny bone, if you grew up watching it, then yeah, this would be highly rated. But the truth is that objectively, this is as mid-level of a comedy as I anticipated that it would be. It’s got some funny bits, sure, but there’s more swagger and a drifting plot that keeps it from being a true classic of the decade.

Intermission!

• The title screen looks like the Windows XP wallpaper
• You don’t tip FBI agents
• The little title cards breaking up scenes
• “I wanna wear a windbreaker!”
• “He has a system for eating pancakes. He has a system for everything.”
• Grand theft steak — 39 cents a steak
• “Thanksgiving is not a Catholic holiday!”
• “Some guys steal your money, but these guys steal your heart.”
• Hannah feeling the hairs on the back of her neck stand up when Barney walks in
• Vinnie spitting out the mint
• “I’m cleaning in solitary!”
• Goodbye turtle. Right down the garbage disposal.
• Apparently, you can’t make yourself undercover
• “How’s the turtle, Mrs. Stubbs?”
• “I am the worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson’s dreams!”
• Gotta have at least one really good dance scene in a comedy — even some couch dancing!
• The FBI are crack chandelier killers
• “We’re in each other’s debt forever. That’s so great!”
• “A .22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man in your head until you die.”
• And another Merengue dance scene! They were really trying to make this happen, weren’t they?
• This is the most bit part Daniel Stern had in the ’90s
• Vinnie taking over his own fingerprinting is a nice bit of physical acting
• “What kind of jail is this?”
• I love that Vinnie turns out to be a crack shot
• “It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.”
• Those are horrible Little League uniforms, I think we can all agree
• EVEN MORE DANCING