“I learned how to make a shiv. It turns out prison has arts and crafts time.”

Drake’s rating: In defiance of Mutant Overlord and Mutant Mouse alike, I opt to watch a good movie

Drake’s review: It’s been awhile since I’ve reviewed a Bigfoot movie. In fact, my one and only Mutant Review dealing with the Squatchsploitation genre was the abysmal Bigfoot, nearly three years ago. And while that Asylum travesty featured a hodgepodge of TV actors* who were for the most part still riding a fame wave that was by 2012 nothing more than a foamy wake, that was really all it had going for it.

Primal Rage, on the other hand, is pretty darn good. In fact, I’d go so far as to say this one is a solid and memorable entry into Sasquatch cinema, with more than a few surprises sprinkled throughout its runtime.

Directed and co-written by Patrick Magee, a makeup and special effects artist with credits ranging from Jurassic Park III to Men in Black 3, Primal Rage sees husband and wife Max and Ashley reunited when the latter picks up the former as he’s released from prison after a 13-month sentence. An understandably awkward ride towards home follows, as Ashley drives their Jeep along a two-lane highway that winds alongside a small river. The awkwardness leads to an argument, which leads to a slight distraction and a sudden accident as the Jeep hits a nearly-naked man who had wandered onto the road.

But though the man dies even as Max and Ashley look on, it’s obvious that the Jeep wasn’t responsible for his looking like he just went three rounds with a grizzly bear. No, there’s something else out here in these deep, dark woods, and Max and Ashley are about to have a close encounter of the Bigfoot kind.

Of course when you make your entry into the annals of Squatchsploitation, a large part of the movie comes down to how effective your Bigfoot is. That doesn’t mean the creature has to be in scene after scene, but it does need to be a presence of some type throughout the film. Quite a few low-budget efforts stick to brief glimpses of a large, hairy creature trekking through dark woods, which can be an effective tension-builder. Others generate their Sasquatch on a last-gen computer in low resolution and pretend that it doesn’t look like a monster from a PlayStation 2 game. Bigfoot, I’m looking at you.

Patrick Magee goes his own way, however, designing a massive, detailed monster that gets a considerable amount of screen time. Primal Rage is not a flick which feels the necessity to hide its Bigfoot. Instead, this Sasquatch is front and center for much of the film, unleashing its particular brand of furry fury on any and all interlopers onto its land.

Interestingly, Magee also makes his Bigfoot an intelligent creature. It plans, it stalks, and it uses tools. It also has something of a mean streak, and happily smooshes a few heads along the way. Played by the 6’8” director himself (with an in-costume height of 7’), this is one impressive Sasquatch.

And that certainly makes Primal Rage a different flavor of Squatchsploitation. Less a cryptid thriller and more of a straight-up monster flick, it’s a dangerous trek through the dark forests of Northern California, with a seemingly unstoppable monster on the hunt for our misplaced couple. The movie does hit a minor lull on one or two occasions, but Magee otherwise keeps the film’s momentum on a steady forward pace. It’s an impressive debut for the director, and my only disappointment is that Patrick Magee has yet to direct another horror feature. He has a feel for the material and an obvious love for the old-school classic films, as well as considerable talent with practical effects.

Primal Rage is a great little monster movie and a fun Squatchsploitation flick. If you enjoy your foreboding forests to be filled with Squatch-related mayhem, then you owe it yourself to check this one out.

Bonus points if you watch it right before going on a camping trip.

*And Alice Cooper.

Intermission!

• This is a very green movie. Also a very misty one at times. The locations are gorgeous, and cinematographer (and co-writer) Jay Lee does an excellent job in utilizing the natural beauty of the area.
• The lead actors do a nice job in their parts as well. Casey Gagliardi is particularly good as Ashley. Small and seemingly vulnerable, she nevertheless gives Ashley a strong spirit and an iron will to survive.
• Bigfoot wears a mask? I’m not sure he really has a secret identity to protect.
• Bigfoot also uses a tools. I really wanted to see a Bigfoot lair with a working forge and a kiln.
• This movie dispenses with the skeptical lawman trope almost immediately. The deputy is just straight-up going, “It’s Bigfoot.”
• Max and Ashley find some hunters. That’s good. The hunters are jerks. That’s bad. Bigfoot follows them to the hunters. That’s just plain ugly.
• If your character’s name is Critter, you’re not going to survive the movie.
• Max gets found by a spooky witch, because that’s the only kind of witch that inhabits a dark forest.
• I don’t know if gearing up to go after this Bigfoot will end any differently than just running into it by accident.