“Do you know the best way to make a dream come true? Do you? It’s to wake up.”

Justin’s rating: Did Alicia Silverstone take a check from Big Tobacco for this?

Justin’s review: When you hit it big in Hollywood, you can’t sit on your butt. You need to spin that success into more hits that prove you’re more than a one-and-done phenomenon — you’re a genuine star.

And for how wonky her career trajectory turned out to be, Alicia Silverstone gets my respect for trying her hardest to prove her stardom after 1995’s Clueless. Batman and Robin, while terrible, did put her right smack in the middle of a huge superhero flick. 1999’s Blast from the Past proved to be an enduring romcom favorite from the decade. And in 1997, Silverstone created her own production company that made its one and only flick: Excess Baggage.

This story starts with a girl named Emily who’s been kidnapped… by herself. She’s exercising some teenage rebellion to embarrass and/or get attention from her rich father. However, Emily puts herself into the trunk of a car that’s right about to be stolen by Vincent (Benicio del Toro), a professional thief who definitely didn’t need all of the immediate heat that came with the police chasing him for (unintentional) kidnapping.

Emily’s dad hires a shady dude named Ray (Christopher Walken at his most Walkeness) to track down his daughter in addition to the cops, which is even worse news for Vincent. To top all that, he finds out that his surprise hostage is a complete brat and more trouble than she’s worth. They go on the run, and sparks fly (cue the power ballad). Vincent wants Emily to clear his name as a kidnapper, but Emily doesn’t really want to go back home, so she’s not that inclined to help.

I guess some light crime has a romantic effect on someone. It made me think of some similar ’90s flicks like The Big Hit and The Chase that attempted a similar blend of hostage taking, comedy, and romance. But while those films had Charlie Sheens and Mark Wahlbergs at their disposal, Excess Baggage rolled its dice with Benicio del Toro.

And that’s a really weird choice to me. Don’t get me wrong — Benicio del Toro is a fantastic actor who specializes in the crime genre. The Usual Suspects? Sin City? Snatch? That’s his backyard. He excels in being strange and quirky as someone you can’t quite trust. But a normal romcom lead? That’s an uphill battle against typecasting. A very steep hill.

Still, the idea here is tried-and-proven. Girl from privileged upbringing clashes with and then falls for a guy from the wrong side of the tracks.

We also get a battle between two of the most distinctive-speaking actors in Hollywood. There’s nobody who sounds like del Toro, and there’s certainly nobody who’s like Christopher Walken. Having them both together is both delightful and overkill. Hearing Walken bark in exasperation, “Go order yourself some waffles!” is now my new go-to reply to annoying people.

And the fun thing is that Vincent and Ray actually become buddies of a sort, which is maybe what this movie should’ve been from the start. Although I do like that we discover that Ray is more of a real dad to Emily than her actual one.

While Excess Baggage struggles hard to get its mix right, it’s a right entertaining flick with a kicker soundtrack (which is about 30% Dave Matthews Band), Pacific Northwest scenery, ’90s fashion, and some excellent character actors.

Plus waffles.

Intermission!

• Silverstone narrating the intro gave me huge Clueless flashback.
• The police lost the money, the hostage, and the perp. It’s a bad day for the police.
• Del Toro can wear the hell out of aviators
• Packing tape through your hair has got to hurt like a mother
• All good relationships start with hide-and-go seek
• “Stop! That’s not cool.”
• Shout out for Silverstone’s amazing ’90s outfit here, such a flashback
• Smoking sets unbelievably huge fires
• Emily wanting to pee and smoke is a big part of this film
• “Is this where you dumped the chiawuaua?”
• “They’re connecting all the wrong dots!”
• Twinkie talk and Dave Matthews Band is a perfect combo
• “Keep saying ‘gosh.’ See how far that gets you.”
• “Real slice of Americana here.”
• “Strange and normal aren’t my job.”
• “I don’t feel like lounging here in Heidi Land.”
• “Yeah I’m going to give my car keys to a car thief.”
• “Do you like my tummy?”
• Calling Christopher Walken “Dracula” made me snort pretty loud