“He went to stop the train! And he’ll do it, too. You’ll see!”

Drake’s rating: All aboard the Ozzy Osbourne Express

Drake’s review: There are some interesting 1970s TV movies out there, just because the big three networks at the time (ABC, CBS, and NBC) were all trying to lure people into staying home and watching television from the comfiness of their La-Z-Boy recliner rather than take in a big screen movie at the local theater.

But to do that, the networks had to compete with the motion picture industry on some level. Originality was certainly an option, but it was a risky one since not every creator was Dan Curtis.* On the other hand, borrowing a few ideas from the motion pictures that you’re competing with is also an option. And granted, you may not have the budget, the time or the talent to really go head-to-head with the big theatrical releases, but you do have the advantage of familiar TV faces as well as that aforementioned La-Z-Boy recliner.

And let’s face it, that thing does look pretty comfy.

So if you were settled in and unwilling to make the drive to the theater on September 29, 1973, you might just have run across Runaway!, an ABC TV movie meant to evoke the thrills and drama of big screen hits like Airport and The Poseidon Adventure. But since airplanes are expensive and luxury passenger liners are really expensive, you were going to have to settle for a train instead. And not a very large train, either, since those are also pretty pricey. No, this train is only going to have a locomotive and six cars, but it will be filled with semi-recognizable actors, so that’s pretty cool, right?

Actually, it kind of is. Runaway! is a fairly standard thriller that sticks a toe into the disaster end of the cinematic pool, but the fact that it’s filled with veteran talent both in front of and behind the camera makes this one a fun watch. We’re not talking a big screen epic, of course, but it’s a solid bit of entertainment that’s honestly better than it has any right to be.

It all starts off innocuously enough, with a train picking up a load of passengers from a ski resort. But the trip down the mountain quickly turns hazardous when the train’s brakes fail due to the unusually cold conditions and it starts to pick up more and more speed as it descends. Wisely, Runaway! spends some early quality time with the passengers to get the audience invested in the potentially hazardous outcome of the trip down the mountain. We’re quickly introduced to Ellen (Vera Miles, Psycho) and her husband Nick (Ed Nelson, Teenage Cave Man), a couple who were making one last attempt to stave off divorce by taking a holiday trip to the mountains. And then there’s Les (Ben Murphy, Heatwave!), a smooth-talking hustler whose attention is caught by a college girl who herself is trying to keep an affair with her professor going.

And since we need a kid on board, we have young Mark (Lee Montgomery, Burnt Offerings) feeling guilty after being too afraid to climb a mountain with his father John (Martin Milner, Sweet Smell of Success). It’s all soapy stuff, of course, but that works in this context.

Runaway! gets you acquainted with a group of people, gives you enough information to get you invested in them, and then sends them hurtling down a snow-covered mountain towards their potential doom. It’s nothing special, but it is a solid example of small screen movie making.

Runaway! does lack a big action set piece, which again is just a budgetary restriction, but there are some very nice scenic shots of the train traveling down the snowy mountain which help to make this a nice-looking movie, and one that at times feels larger than your average TV flick. It’s a movie that’s character-oriented, to be sure, but it’s certainly a nice reminder of what you could do with a TV budget, some veteran talent and just a bit of soap.

So if you’re lounging around in your La-Z-Boy some evening with nothing to do but talk to your pet rock, fire this one up and grab some popcorn. And if you’re ever in trouble, just remember you can always count on Old Bill Travers. Old Bill will never let you down.

*The man behind the Gothic soap opera Dark Shadows, as well as The Night Stalker, one of the most-watched TV movies of all time.

Intermission!

• Les basically builds himself a pillow fort for protection. A nice mix of comfort and safety.
• The conductor tells everyone to get rid of their glasses, contact lenses and false teeth before the crash. Just a reminder that some contacts used to be Plexiglass.
• Whew! They made the curve! The bad news is, they’re still not slowing down.
• Not gonna lie here, crying guy would also be getting on my nerves.
• Maybe they could fashion a huge parachute out of all the clothes in the luggage? I’m just spitballing here.
• Let’s jump out of the train barreling down the mountain at 70 mph, and into the tree-covered surroundings! No, let’s not.
• Les is helping other people. Character growth!
• Hey, that’s what we were hoping for! More trains!
• Old Bill Travers is the hero we all need.