“Very bad mothers! Very bad mothers! Very bad mothers!”

Justin’s rating: DORKS! DORKS! DORKS!

Justin’s review: For the life of me, I can’t quite comprehend why Mad Max inspired so dang many imitators in the ’80s. Granted, it was a decent flick, but it wasn’t this massive blockbuster or anything. Just some Aussie post-apocalyptic driving movie out there having a good time.

I feel that I’ve seen so many of these generic Mad Max knock-offs at this point — and here goes another! I took a gander at 1983’s Warrior of the Lost World, which apparently lost all good naming conventions as well.

“Generic” is a useful term to haul through the rest of this review. There’s scarcely anything original here, as nuclear war happened (but left a lush world that suggests a film crew too lazy to go to a desert), all the bad people went to a convention or something and organized as the Omegas (they have logos!), and all the rest of you riffraff are lumped into the lame Outsiders.

But wait! The Outsiders have one not-so-lame dude known only as… the Rider (Robert Ginty). And the Rider has… the Speedcycle. And the Speedcycle has… a childish AI that likes to say everything in triplicate.

The Speedcycle has a lot of fun (and lethal) gadgets, but it’s only as interesting as the rider who wields it. Sadly, this guy’s main character trait is that he stoically mumbles in monotone, so unless you have a really bizarre fetish that I certainly don’t want to know about, you’re not going to hold this guy to be your next role model or heartthrob.

He also dies, very early on, but some togas magical dudes with flashlights bring him back to life and task him with overthrowing the Omegas and their leader, Prosser (Donald Pleasance). He partners up with a nutty girl named Natasha to infiltrate the dystopian future society, which — believe me — is far more strange than you might anticipate.

There are nightclubs full of people in leather bondage outfits, lots of Nazi-esque uniforms, execution fields (where they electrocute you and THEN light you on fire), conveyor belts galore, Big Brother-like instructions over loudspeakers, brainwashing labs, and all the blazing white jumpsuits you could wear in a single lifetime. But you know what? For a world devastated by nuclear war, the Omegas are doing quite well for themselves in a huge city full of pristine buildings.

During a daring rescue, the Rider repeatedly whines and complains about this being more than he bargained for, whatever, but he’ll fight and fly helicopters when has to. And he’ll have to a lot, because he loses the girl on the first rescue mission and has to stage a second mission to mop up his leftovers.

This successive bout is accomplished by impressing a bunch of wastelander weirdos named the Marginals and becoming their goony bearded savior. They all go to war against the Omegas, but have to contend with the terrible threat of the Megaweapon (a jacked-up truck with spikes). They win, of course, but Donald Pleasance is revealed to be a cyborg duplicate and the REAL Prosser is alive and well for the non-existent sequel.

While it is generic and cheap, that doesn’t necessarily mean worthless. Warrior of the Lost World keeps trying hard for your attention with any number of strange and silly developments, from mutants to fight clubs to leather bars, and that’s the kind of cheesy B-movie fun that can keep the movie viewer with low standards entertained.

Intermission!

• The opening crawl!!! Is very!!! Excited!!!
• The speedcycle has the worst AI
• The bad guys have speed cops? Who’s funding this?
• “Bite this!” KABOOM
• The computer has a lot of commentary on other people, including GEEKS, VEG OUTS, and NERDS
• “Like… what wall… man”
• Grinning girls with cocked pistols are not to be trusted
• Spiders make a lot of squeaky noises as they walk
• Evil cult leaders love their track lighting
• What is even going on in this fight pit
• What, you DON’T have a brainwashing lab?
• Slam right into a random wall that’s in the middle of nowhere, why don’t you
• It takes “40 megatons” to knock out the Megaweapon
• Cyborgs bleed