“When the going gets tough, the tough get going in their pants.”

Justin’s rating: If you don’t see this, I’m giving YOU a ticket

Justin’s review: The out-of-nowhere success — and extreme profitability — of 1984’s Police Academy not only trigged a cascade of sequels but also a wave of copycats that tried to apply the format to other settings. These included such titles as Basic Training, Combat Academy, Doin’ Time, Night Patrol, Recruits, Vice Academy, and today’s standout feature, Moving Violations.*

Police Academy writers Neil Israel and Pat Proft decided that traffic school would be a unique setting for goofballs bucking against the establishment. In so doing, I think they made the only film in existence that takes place in such a school, because it’s hard to think of a more humdrum setting.

Hey, did you know that Stacy Keach has a younger brother who’s also an actor and looks like a skinnier version of his sibling? Keach plays a cop named Hank who’s tasked with running the local traffic school along with his tightwad partner. Thing is, Hank wants all of the current class to completely fail so that he and a local judge can sell all of their impounded cars. Seems like a convoluted way to make a buck, but you do you, Hank!

Unfortunately for Hank’s retirement fund, he’s managed to draw a whole classroom of short straws who are going to be anything but cooperative. This gang of misfits is led by a harmonica-playing slacker named Dana (John Murray, Bill’s brother! No, I’ve never heard of him either!), who’s sarcastic, witty, and definitely not a fan of authority.

My absolute favorite in the group, however, is a nearly blind old lady who would give Mr. Magoo a run for his money. But the movie gore hound, the single father, car mechanic, and a couple of punkers-in-waiting are pretty amusing too.

I had to exercise extreme bladder control when all sorts of familiar faces started popping up in this flick. There’s Fred Willard (Epic Movie), Marty McFly’s sister Linda (“That’s so STUPID! Grandpa hit him with the car!”), Hot Lips from M*A*S*H, Don Cheadle (in his first role!), Jennifer Tilly (Bride of Chucky) with a perm, and — I kid you not — the “Where’s the Beef?” lady herself, Clara Peller. There’s also one or two faces that I recognize from the Police Academy films, but I’m not going to look up who they are. They know who they are. That’s enough for their egos.

You’d think that a movie based around a classroom would be the height of tedium, but the writers come up with clever ways to keep things spicy. There’s the extreme gore of Blood Flows Red on the Highway, wacky driving simulators, a pit stop at NASA, some light grand theft auto, a chaotic parade float race, and a lesson on flare safety. Over time, these idiots drive their instructors to near-insanity.

I was deeply impressed by how good John Murray was as a comedic lead and wish we saw more of him. He’s pretty much only known for a short elevator scene in Elf. But here, he’s cranking out the jokes, romancing Jennifer Tilly (who wouldn’t?), and making best buds with all of these strange people.

Friends, you know how people say, “I wish I knew some underrated ’80s comedies that are actually hilarious and a ton of fun?” Here you go. I can promise you that Moving Violations fits that bill. It’s not deep at all, but it’s well-cast, has a lot of physical set pieces, absurd gags, and is consistently funny from start to finish. I think I have a new favorite here.

*And now I’m going to have to review all of these, which will most certainly bring back my night terrors.

Intermission!

• I just want to give an enthusiastic Mutant Salute to those souls who smuggle and preserve hard-to-find films like this on YouTube and the Internet Archive.
• “I got my promotion.” “Good. I got my period.” what
• Playing harmonica while driving is not safe
• “That’s my communist party membership card. I just joined for the softball league.”
• The Indiana Jones driver’s license — and music sting
• Box o’ bowling balls
• Wait… I know that voice! It’s Marty McFly’s sister from Back to the Future, Wendy Jo Sperber!
• The bowling ball taking out the pedestrians
• Also, “One cantaloupe, 97 dollars.”
• “Was that the number 12?” “No, it was just a puppet stage.”
• HOLY CRAP IT’S THE WHERE’S THE BEEF LADY
• The old lady driving onto the airport runway had me in stitches
• “Some higher power must really want the three of us together.”
• Man, they’re going Street Fighter II on that car
• “May I say that this car was evil, sir, possessed by Satan!”
• “Question Your Visciousness…”
• The blind lady sitting on the guy’s lap
• “I got all your albums, man, you’re the greatest.”
• Traffic school is a great place to take your kids
• “I thought that this class was supposed to be easy.” “It was before Adolf and Ava took over.”
• “Does your rear end make noise?” “That’s personal, isn’t it?”
• “My back’s all wet!”
• The film gore hound loving the film “Blood Flows Red on the Highway”
• “That’s my sister. She’s a Sister.”
• “I’m a forest ranger. I’m just taking some work home for the weekend.”
• “Listen up people, I’m declaring this bus a national forest.”
• That’s… that’s a lot of Crisco
• I mean, we ALL saw the flare thing coming, right?
• He’s pushing a whole lot of cars
• Those double braids aren’t doing her any favors
• Back in the ’80s we arm wrestled our differences out
• “I Can’t Drive 55” is an excellent choice
• Well, you just committed grand theft auto
• “Welcome to NASA” is not what I expected to be hearing in this film
• Don’t turn off NASA terminals
• NASA has zero gravity rooms, why not
• Wait, are the clothes making out now?
• “Dad, are we there yet? I’m hungry!”
• Where’d he get the hockey mask and chainsaw?
• Flying dog!
• They’re making $50,000 on selling the cars
• When Joan is naked and sees a guy wheeling a tire down the hallway: “What the…”
• Kids do not like severed fingers
• That’s one rigged obstacle course
• She’s been driving since she was 12!?
• I guarantee you that you’ve never seen a movie where a cop car racing in reverse has a cat fight happening in the back seat
• “Get your hands off me you friggin duck!”
• The duck swearing in a Donald Duck voice
• Puerto Rican highway patrol
• Cops vs marathon
• I like how everyone — and their plots — meets up for the chase scene in the end
• The duck gets arrested?
• Ha they all end up getting tickets right away