“You crazy maniac!”

Justin’s rating: Xtro Strength Tide gets out all of those stains

Justin’s review: It’s not true that the film industry has no good, original ideas. It’s just that it has them so rarely that when one breaks into the big leagues, everyone else shamelessly copies it for the next dozen or so years.

Xtro clearly wants some of that Alien cred (and money), but it’s not willing to put up the budget or talent to rightfully earn it. Instead, this British flick takes the theme of extraterrestrials and spins a horror angle that would make all of us wish that aliens never visit.

While playing with his little boy Tony, Sam is abducted by a flying light and taken to who-knows-where for three years. Probably Fresno. When he comes back, he’s a horror and a menace to everyone he encounters.

Mutant Sam has his head on backward, kills people by spitting into their eyes, impregnates girls to give birth to himself (the old form disposes of itself considerately), and has all sorts of psychic powers. Part of these powers is a telepathic link to his son Tony, signaling a disturbing family reunion in the making.

A return of a long-lost dad is already traumatic event — there’s a new boyfriend complicating things — but it gets far more bizarre when Tony starts to realize how much his dad has changed. But instead of being completely freaked out, Tony wants to join his intergalactic crusade. Like father, like son, Tony begins to wield his own alien powers, and now everyone in the area is in jeopardy from these two homicidal hybrids.

There’s a not-so-subtle theme of parental abandonment and the lasting harm this does to a family that runs through Xtro. “Sam’s” return absolutely rips this family apart, either killing or changing everyone. You can tell that the filmmakers don’t want anyone — characters or audience members — to have a good time as they soak this movie in extra-strength bummer.

Xtro is, I should stress, disturbing on many levels. It flings unnatural images and abrupt cuts at the viewer, rarely explaining any of it. But more than the monsters and blood, it’s the abused trust of a father figure that’s just plain wrong.

A little humor, better directing, a more exciting angle, or engaging characters would’ve done a lot to take this move in a better direction. There are some fairly impressive practical effects and a nice veneer of alien creepiness, including a dash of body horror and, uh, clowns. And I guess this was enough to make Xtro into a minor profitable hit and trigger a couple sequels, but it really didn’t grab me.

Intermission!

• The day turning to night when the alien ship appears is a neat effect
• The aliens put that guy’s head on backwards
• Eye spitting is instantly lethal
• Is he melting the phone? That’s odd.
• Moms don’t like snakes at the breakfast table
• Snake eggs make for a yummy snack!
• “It appeared in my SUPPER.”
• Being hunted down by a life-sized soldier toy is a weird way to go