“Who dares to disturb the sanctity of Count Dracula?”

Wolfy’s review: This time of year isn’t really the best for me when it comes to movies. I’m not really a big fan of horror films, particularly some of the more contemporary ones, owing to their over-reliance on gore, murder porn, or just general discomfort. The unfun kind of discomfort.

However, there’s a difference between horror vibes and horror movies, and my appetite for the former led me to seek out something different for my spooky month film watching. I decided to see if there were any kung-fu horror films out there, and I landed on an absolute gem: A 1979 film that blended together the legendary Shaw Brothers studio and Hammer Films to create a delightfully roasted chicken of a movie called The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires.

Our story begins in Transylvania in the 1800s, where a Chinese monk finds his way to Dracula’s mausoleum, begs for his power to help revive a sect of vampires in his homeland, and then gets immediately killed for his trouble as the Big D sees an opportunity to revive the vampires. In other words, this movie tells you precisely what it is from the very opening scenes.

We then are brought forward about 100 years to be told of an ancient legend about how the titular Golden Vampires terrorized a small village in the middle of nowhere, as told by this movie’s rendition of Professor Van Helsing, the legendary Peter Cushing. The story tells of how a single farmer managed to find a way to slay one of the seven, but also how the village remains under vampire rule.

After he tries and fails to beseech a gathering of university scholars for funding to look into this legend, he is shortly introduced to a man name Hsi Ching, played by martial artist David Chiang, who introduces himself as an heir to the farmer in the legend. After his kung fu fighting brothers show up to defend Van Helsing’s son (Robin Stewart) and a globetrotting debutante (Julie Ege), the pieces come together for an excursion to locate the lost village and slay the seven.

What follows is a brief lineup of slow moments interspersed with some fun kung fu choreography, all dressed up in signature Hammer horror pastiche and tied together with a few threadbare but entertaining links like a rushed romance sub-plot or two.

At the same time, the whole thing doesn’t end up feeling rushed or pushed along; the pacing, while the story isn’t going to be confused for being something carefully crafted, is appropriate for a movie of this kind, and the whole thing is done with the sort of earnest aplomb that’s evocative and charming.

About the only thing that really falls flat for me is the final confrontation between Van Helsing and Dracula, which really does feel like it just happened purely because people knew it had to as well as a way to show off some of the fantastic makeup and practical effects for its time. I’m also not going to claim that Cushing and Chiang were at the top of their game, but there never seemed to be a rush by any members of the cast to get their lines done and break for a drink in a trailer.

Even if the climax of the movie didn’t really stick the landing, The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires was a magnificent blend of ‘70s age film goofiness from both film companies (including the rather gratuitous female toplessness and blood). The fight scenes were fun, the schlock was proudly on display, and the entire movie was oozing with the kind of Halloween vibes I love, like visiting a Spirit Halloween store unironically.

I don’t know if this is going to be a beloved movie for me, but it absolutely ticked all of the right boxes for this time of year.