“I punched a totally innocent Hungarian!”

Heather’s rating: Six out of 10 house-sized bows

Heather’s review: The Almighty Youtube Algorithm has been pushing a lot of free (with ads) movies to watch lately. I don’t often see one in my feed that catches my eye, but when a Steve Martin movie came up that we hadn’t reviewed yet I popped me some corn.

Normally I would be a bit afraid to watch an unreviewed film starring such prolific actors as Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn. I don’t even think I had ever heard of it, and that makes me nervous. However, Justin was threatening to deny the office our monthly allotment of government cheese if we didn’t get another review in, and I — being the selfless hero I am — decided to take one for the team. Team Cheese.

Architect Newton Davis (Martin) drives his longtime girlfriend Becky (Dana Delany) to see a home he built for her. I’m sorry we’re just one sentence in and already I’m digressing, but he is an architect, not a builder. Those are not the same job. Why does everyone in the movie say he “built” the house?

Becky is in complete surprise when he drives up to the front of a huge home wrapped with a giant red bow and Davis hops out of the car to propose to her. Unfortunately she shuts him down with an immediate “no.” That’s fair, in my opinion because this is a lot to just spring on someone out of the blue. He says he’s loved her since they were nine but, like, did they date that whole time? Have they ever discussed marriage?

Cut to three months later, when Davis meets waitress Gwen (Hawn) while dining at a Hungarian restaurant. She leads him to believe that she can’t speak English, so while at the bar he begins to spill his soul about Becky and the ring and the unoccupied house to her, thinking she doesn’t understand. At closing he realizes she speaks English and ends up walking her home, which is the small dingy apartment above the restaurant. She’s gorgeous, quirky (read: deceitful), and full of life (read: unstoppably deceitful). In contrast, Davis is this buttoned-up sad sack who can’t speak out for himself and what he wants.

So our Early ’90s Manic Pixie Dream Girl decides to travel to this home and live there. Why Gwen thinks this will work out, I don’t know. Of course, this is a ’90s comedy, so it all DOES work out. Everyone in Davis’s small town loves her, including her parents, and are so happy about their marriage.

Oh yeah, she told everyone they are married. She’s quirky.

The rest of Housesitter continues with the shenanigans of trying to hide the truth from everyone in the community. Gwen is so charming that she repairs Davis’s relationship with his father and convinces his boss to consider him for a promotion.

Initially David and Gwen are just using each other as a means to an end, but the pair soon realize how well they work together. Little shows of thoughtfulness and kindness occur between them until finally they see that they could be happy if they give this marriage thing a try for real.

Every aspect of this plot falls apart upon any scrutiny, but Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn’s chemistry and comedic timing keep you invested in them. Also I am SO glad that Becky wanting Davis back didn’t turn into a bigger ordeal, and that there was no Big Misunderstanding to drag down the entire third act.

Overall this is a fine afternoon family flick. If you’re looking for some good old ’90s nostalgia, I present you with this movie all wrapped up in a giant red bow.

MARRY ME!

Intermission!

• I would commit various unforgivable war crimes for someone to gift me a house and land.
• Proto-manic pixie dream girl.
• This was Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn’s first film together
• The titular house in this movie was designed by a New York architecture firm, who made blueprints of it available to purchase. According to news articles of the time, about 60 of the Housesitter homes were built across 25 states.
• This film was all shot on location in Massachusetts.
• Directed by Frank Oz!