“Wait’ll mom hears about this!”

Drake’s rating: If I hear voices in the basement, I just assume my cats are watching TV

Drake’s review: Before he became a prolific television director, William Fruet kept himself busy churning out exploitation movies in his native homeland of Canada. But in between flicks with such lurid titles as Death Weekend and Bedroom Eyes, Fruet directed this little sleeper that was much more reliant on story and pacing than cheap thrills. Granted, Funeral Home is a veritable remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpiece Psycho, but as the saying goes, if you’re gonna steal, then steal from the best.

A young woman named Heather arrives one fine summer day in Small Town, Canada to help out her grandmother, who is trying to run a small inn by herself. The grandmother, Maude (Kay Hawtrey, Urban Legend), was left in the lurch when her husband, the local undertaker, deserted her a few years back, and now she’s converted the funeral home that was their house into an inn for the occasional travelers that come through. It’s not much, but so far Maude is making ends meet, if only just.

Still, Maude isn’t too happy with the arrival of Harry Browning, who brings along a woman who’s definitely not his wife for a stay at the inn. Maude’s a somewhat traditional sort and just doesn’t approve of that extramarital hanky-panky, but it turns out to not be much of a problem since Browning and his lady friend get sloppy dunk and take a drive up to the local quarry, where Maude’s truck appears and gives them a little nudge over the side and into the waters below.

Now couple that with the Porsche that a local farmer finds hidden in a pile of hay, a man named Davis looking for his missing wife, and Heather hearing the voice of Maude talking to a mysterious man in the cellar that she’s forbidden to go into, and you probably have a clue where Funeral Home is headed, especially since I’ve already name-dropped Psycho. Honestly, there’s little here that a horror movie veteran won’t see coming a mile off.

Still, this is a fun one. The laid-back, rural setting gives the movie an easygoing vibe, and while the characters here are archetypes — the religious grandmother, the curious teens, the befuddled cop — the actors do a good job bringing them to life. It’s a very familiar movie, with very familiar characters, but that’s part of the appeal. Funeral Home is a very easy movie to slip into, like an old glove you’ve been missing since your cat decided that it was now a toy.

Granted, that works against the film at times as well. The ending is unfortunately far too easy to guess because Fruet seemingly never stopped looking over Hitchcock’s shoulder long enough to think to himself that mixing it up a bit might just be a good idea. Which is too bad, since deviating from the Psycho blueprint would have been a good idea here, if for no other reason than to keep the audience guessing.

It’s kind of like putting on that old glove and then realizing that it might be comfortable, but it’s also well-worn, with a few holes here and there since your cat got a little rambunctious with it. And yes, most of my analogies tend to be cat related.

Funeral Home may not have many surprises, but it’s still a well-made film that makes for a good rainy day watch. It’s not the most original movie, but it moves right along with solid direction and a willing cast who make the material rise above the average.

And it might be spoiler territory, but don’t worry about the adorable cat following Heather around at the beginning of the movie. He’s still there at the end, happily snuggling the deputy and enjoying his best little kitty life.

Intermission!

• Funeral Home was also known as Cries in the Night, which is an absolutely terrible title for this flick. I’m guessing they were going for a V.C. Andrews feel since her Flowers in the Attic novel had been published the previous year.
• Aw! Kitty!
• Browning comes to the inn because all the hotels in town are booked. Hotels, plural? Really? I’m having a hard time thinking this little burg could support anything larger than a Motel 6, and I doubt it would ever hit full capacity.
• The farmer’s all, “I found the Porsche under my pile of hay, so it’s mine, right?” I admire his initiative here.
• All the cool kids hang out at the quarry!
• Mr. Browning’s ladyfriend is an embarrassingly sloppy drunk.
• Evidently Saturday night IS all right for fighting.
• Don’t look in the basement! Wait, that’s an entirely different movie.
• Mitten the cat steals the show.
• Kay Hawtrey’s career continued right up until 2019, as she was a regular voice actress for the Canadian cartoon series Max & Ruby into her early 90s.