“Is there a scar?” “There will be. You scarred me.”

Justin’s rating: You can’t tell me that the government wouldn’t track people with these devices. There’s no way that this many people would sign up to be implanted with one.

Justin’s review: I find that a lot of great scifi stories start with the phrase “What if?” In the case of TiMER, it’s “What if most people had a countdown clock to finding their one true love?” How would that change everything about dating if a cloud of determinism hung over all the proceedings?

These questions are even stranger for Oona (Buffy’s Emma Caulfield), as her implanted Timer features a blank countdown — meaning that her soulmate has yet to activate theirs. So she keeps dating non-implanted people, eventually taking them to the Timer institute to get their implant in the hope that it would activate hers.

We pause the review here to acknowledge that, no, the film never does fully explain how Timer works — including how the computer identifies those soulmate match-ups and gets the future timing down to the exact second. It also doesn’t address all of the follow-up questions you have: What about people who fall in love more than once? What if someone dies before their Timer gets to zero (and does the computer model know they’re going to die)? Do you only ever have one “soulmate?” Most importantly, do the Timers actually work or are they just an expensive emotional placebo?

I supposed y ou simply have to go with it to let this story work. But BOY do I have questions. Oh well.

So some people want Timers, some don’t, and that creates a bizarre dating pool for the mismatches. Oona is smack dab in the middle of this, desperately wanting to know her future and letting that uncertainty smack her around. I mean, how do you live if you know the exact day when you’ll meet The One — or you don’t but wish you did?

We also meet some other people whose lives are complicated by the Timers, including her promiscuous stepsister Steph (who’s got 15 years left on her clock), cute grocery store clerk Mikey (who’s going to find his soulmate in a few months), ninth grader Jesse (three days), and recently widowed Dan (who never had an implant installed because of his wife).

Even though Mikey isn’t her apparent soulmate, Oona starts to see him and grow more confident in living in the present — not the possible future. Then she starts to wonder if you can fight against the predestination of computer science anyway. This all gets a little weird and messy before it’s through, as TiMER keeps you guessing as to how it’s going to pan out.

I genuinely liked TiMER’s tone — it’s not always laugh-out-loud funny, but it does have a decent humorous streak, quippy leads (I liked Steph’s zingers), a fairy tale soundtrack, and an easygoing charm.

It also doesn’t hurt that Emma Caulfield is absolutely adorable and channels some of that Anya humor from Buffy. First-time director Jac Schaeffer wants to please the audience, which I certainly don’t mind. I like likable characters being nice and funny, and this is rife with them.

So why isn’t TiMER better known — or even a classic? From scouting around various comment sections, it’s probably because this film gets a little lost in its own concept and arrives at an ending that isn’t satisfying to everyone. People seem to haaaaate the ending, which does seem like an overreaction. I would’ve written it differently, but it’s not the worst conclusion I’ve ever seen.

But hey, I liked TiMER. I really did. It was such a nice watchable romcom with a dash of scifi that raises some interesting questions (even if those questions are not always answered) about love, predestination, free will, and whether technology leads us by the nose even in matters of the heart.

Intermission!

• Oona is a weeeeeird name
• Oona “bet on the wrong horse a few times.”
• Oklahoma has a reputation for not wearing Timers, apparently
• Of course there’s a subscription, but $2 a month doesn’t seem bad
• There are different Timer models
• 98% satisfaction rate is pretty good
• 5,262 days left is a long dang time
• “Are we in the right house?”
• You can get a Timer as soon as your first day in the 9th grade
• The soundtrack stopping when the door won’t open for Oona
• Retch is quite the name
• “You know what they say about a watched pot.”
• “Life is about detours.” “You sound like a credit card commercial.”
• The drummer always gets the girl
• “Who were the Bangles?” ouch
• “Have some cereal, I’ll be right back.”
• “Tell me what you did or I’m gonna pee on your bed!”
• It’s ALWAYS time for animal pancakes
• “Once in a while, I’m the best person qualified for the job.”
• Surprise slap
• Stepsisters who share the same birthday
• “I’m so much cooler than I thought!”
• Playing dentist can be a romantic activity, who knew?
• “I should be put down.”
• “She was your one?” “Of course.” “Even without a Timer you knew…?” “Yeah.”
• “You might like the track ‘You Straighten My Teeth.'”
• “Think he’ll recognize me?” “You grew boobs, not a new head.”
• “Are you certain you want to make this mistake?”
• You can only have one Timer for what stupid made-up reason?