“Hey, if it’s smooth, we’ll skate anywhere, man.”

Drake’s rating: Put on your brain bucket and have a sesh

Drake’s review: I had no plans to review this movie. You should know that up front. For one thing, it features Leif Garrett, who gave me hives in the ‘70s and still gives me nightmares today thanks to his awful rap performance in Cheerleader Camp. Seeing him infesting a skateboarding movie, even one that boasted real talent from the era like Tony Alva, was something I could live without.

No, I was going to review Gleaming the Cube, but the note claiming said movie that I had stuck on the refrigerator in the Mutant Lounge “mysteriously” disappeared, and lo and behold! A review for the Christian Slater skateboard flick conveniently shows up, penned by the Head Mutant himself!* And I’m pretty sure I saw him using my note as a bookmark in his copy of “101 Ways to Annoy Your Employees.”

Huh.

Undaunted,** I went back in time, knowing full well that Justin wouldn’t follow me into the 1970s (I think he has a fear of polyester) where the skateboarding movie truly began. And it was there that I found Skateboard, a little flick that attempts to combine the growing popularity of skateboarding with The Bad News Bears (the classic flick, not the unnecessary remake) while featuring some of the then-rising stars of the sport in featured roles.

And also Leif Garrett.

It should be awful, quite honestly, but somehow it’s not. Leif Garrett is even decent here, thanks to the wise decision to not build the movie around him, and instead make him just one of the many kids who inhabit the film.

So we have a fellow named Manny (Bloom Allen Garfield, Beverly Hills Cop II), a talent agent/promoter with no talent, no money and a gambling debt owed to a man named Sol (Anthony Carbone, Pit and the Pendulum). While driving home one day, he comes across a trio of kids doing tricks on their skateboards and gets the bright idea to form a team. The kids don’t need much convincing, and soon Leif Garrett and Tony Alva are joined by skateboarding pioneers Richard Van Der Wyk and Ellen O’Neal, among others, as their plucky group starts touring the Southern California coastline.

Surprisingly, Van Der Wyk is given the primary role among the kids, as his character Jason is the leader of their skateboarding pack. He’s the best of the bunch and the one the other kids look up to, but Jason is also unsure of his role. He’s not a natural leader, and he becomes uncomfortable with the spotlight, especially as he’s relied upon to carry the team as they gain sponsors.

And while that sounds like it should be the central theme of Skateboard, it’s unfortunately not. Manny’s constant attempts to stave off Sol and keep the team going on a shoestring budget take center stage instead, with the skateboard competitions and secondary characters often getting less attention than they deserve.

Still, Skateboard does an above-average job of showcasing the struggles of a young team in a sport that has yet to establish itself in the mainstream. And there are, of course, some great sequences of skateboarding action by names who would go on to become legends in the community.

As for Manny, he’s in it for the money, but even though he’s decidedly not a kid person he always has their backs. When Sol gives him the opportunity late in the film to not only pay off his gambling debt but make a substantial profit as well by throwing a race, Manny never even thinks about it. He turns Sol down flat, refusing to set any of his kids up to lose, because he believes in them. It’s a good moment that shows Manny’s earnestness, and that he hasn’t just been blowing hot air throughout the entire movie.

Is this one worth your time? Maybe. Honestly, Manny is a bit grating at times and the story*** is nothing you haven’t seen before. On the other hand, Skateboard tells you what it is right away and features some nifty work by kids who were pioneers of the sport. Granted, there’s no murder mystery here, and no Christian Slater opining on the existential threats of 7-Elevens, but Skateboard is a fun look at the early days of skateboarding and features some of the very talent that helped to elevate it from regional fad to X Games main event.

And just to be clear, Leif Garrett never raps. Not even once.

*I complained to Mutant Oversight Management, but they just said, “You boys will have to work it out among yourselves.” Typical M.O.M. response.

**Untrue, actually. I was very daunted. As well as dismayed, disheveled, and discombobulated. But that’s just my typical Monday.

***By Dick Wolf, the guy behind those dozens and dozens of “Law & Order” TV shows.

Intermission!

• Manny just packs a horde of kids into a small school bus and traipses up and down the coast, and their parents are seemingly OK with it. Yep, it’s the ‘70s.
• Bribing the kids with a six-pack of beer? Again, it’s the ‘70s.
• Unfortunate use of homophobic slang? Sigh. Yes, very ‘70s.
• Oh, no! Jason is “wigged out!” That’s definitely the ‘70s.
• Whoa! A downhill training montage! That’s so…well, ‘80s, actually.