“I hate computers. I think they’re sneaky.”

Justin’s rating: I’d be so much cooler if I had a roguish British accent

Justin’s review: Decades before the Sarah Connor Chronicles took the Terminator to the small screen, there was an attempt to do something similar with a knock-off series. And while Annihilator failed to land a berth as a pilot, it was repackaged into a pretty awesome TV movie.

And yes, starting with the title and moving to everything else, this is as blatant a Terminator clone as I’ve ever seen. You’ve got the synthy soundtrack, the 2nd Street Tunnel, unstoppable cyborgs, a film noir look, a hero with a sawed-off shotgun and trenchcoat, and even Earl Boen (the psychologist in the first two Terminator flicks).

But it’s not exactly the Terminator when you look into the fine details. Super-duper British guy and newspaper editor Richard (Mark Lindsay Chapman, The Langonliers) stumbles onto a rather incredible story: Religious-bent aliens are looking to invade earth and have begun by replacing all the passengers on a plane flight with lookalike killer androids.

When Richard’s girlfriend (Catherine Mary Stewart, Night of the Comet) returns from a vacation as one of these fembots (and kills his dog!), he has to go on the run and hope that he can expose the truth. In fact, Annihilator begins right at this point with a very impressive nighttime car chase before going into a flashback as Richard shares his tale to a sympathetic ear.

Oh wait, that ear is attached to another robot! But it’s OK, because this one is resisting its programming and wants to become a nice robot! I suppose this bit was setting up a future partnership between man and machine, possibly where he’d teach her some charming Spanish phrases so she’d blend in better.

My expectations for this were pretty low, and yet Annihilator breezily overshot those with some genuinely freaky deaky robot fights, some good action, snappy scenes, and a lot of interesting (if confusing and never fully explained) ideas. Seeing the cyborgs come at people out of the dark with red eyes glowing and jerky screams is the stuff of nightmares for any little kid who might’ve caught this on TV back in the day.

Even the bad stuff — a bizarre full-length David Bowie music video, choppy editing, and the expected cliffhanger — is forgivable due to these 90 minutes keeping my attention far more than most Terminator clones. There are killer androids around every corner, each more ridiculous than the last, and I dug the variety.

Annihilator remains a better-than-average killer robot entry that’s almost faded into complete obscurity. Is it worth preserving? Probably not, but I had a good time watching it.

Intermission!

• Those cars are KILLING their suspensions with those jumps
• That’s a pretty amazing car chase scene to start things off
• Drinking game: Take a shot every time you catch a clear Terminator homage
• Get a woman’s sympathy by hauling around a lil’ kitty cat
• They spent the whole day eating tofu burgers and not explaining what’s going on
• Always handy to have bolt cutters when you want to steal a rival newspaper’s vending box
• She hates computers? She better not live into the 2000s.
• “Will you marry me?” “I’ll have to study your resume further.”
• Those are some mightily ’80s sunglasses
• If you kiss with your eyes open, you may be a fembot
• Terminators, er, Annihilators don’t like dogs because they can sense the truth
• CROSSWORDS ARE SINISTER. FOR SOME REASON.
• I killed your dog. Would you like some coffee?
• These rapid quick cuts are greatly annoying
• Old coot complaining about kids listening to “heavy metal garbage” is on my bad movie bingo sheet
• If you lose your arm as a robot, pick it up and use it to beat people with
• When fleeing for your life from androids and the cops, always take time to rescue the kitty
• Wait, we have to watch the car chase scene again?
• I love Richard kicking the door in and having to awkwardly apologize for it
• Yes, let’s split up in the creepy mannequin room!
• And now for a whole lot of flashbacks edited into a full-length David Bowie music video!
• Their mom got trampled by a horse?
• The malfunctioning robot trying to light his pipe and lighting his whole arm instead