“Why do you have a three-toed sloth hanging from our loft?”

Justin’s rating: Are sloth claws sharp? They never look that sharp. Kind of like salad tongs.

Justin’s review: I love a good sloth. They’re awesome creatures, managing to be dorky, hairy, and cute while topping a land speed of nothing miles per hour. Let’s not forget that the sloth in Zootopia was the only worthwhile part of that abomination.

So why not make one into a horror creature feature? The ridiculous premise — and title — alone would put naive and weak-willed butts in the seat, including yours truly. What do I have to lose from a 90-minute flick?

Emily (Lisa Ambalavanar) steals a poached sloth named Alpha to gain popularity in her social media-obsessed sorority (which is named Sigma Lambda Theta — SLoTH). But little does she know that this particular beast is a jungle-bred killer who’s going to have no compunctions against taking down the vapid goobers in her house.

I like that the film calls out how stupid it is for Emily to nab a wild animal for the sake of winning sorority president. That would be totally true even if Alpha wasn’t a homicidal beast who uses parties as cover to kill in increasingly unplausible ways.

It should be said from the outset that this is a campy, frivolous plot that’s not scary in the least. Heck, the sloth is an obvious puppet and can’t really get too gory because of the PG-13 rating. But that’s what makes this fun, because you want to see, against all odds, this goofy puppet go all Wolverine with its claws.

It would be easy to envision a Slotherhouse as a $10,000 bare minimum effort by Asylum shot on an iPhone. After all, nobody was going to take it seriously, so why not cut all the corners?

And yet the filmmakers and cast put in an admirable amount of effort giving us a slother slasher. It’s well-shot, the music is full of personality, and everyone is clearly relishing diving deep into sorority stereotypes. You will hear a bombardment of abused “hip” slang of the like you’ve never experienced before, and it is all Oscar-worthy writing.

Additionally, Alpha’s capabilities know no bounds. It can surf the internet, drive cars, blow whistles, drag corpses around, chug beers, use maps, post on social media, and slip drugs into drinks. Trust me, you’ll stop questioning what this critter can and can’t do because you know the filmmakers are daring you to make a stink about it. Just be cool, they say. Go with the flow. The flow of BLOOD.

There’s a fair bit of ’80s horror/comedy spirit here, and I appreciate that — even if the PG-13 rating feels like PG at times. Not since The Muppet Movie have I laughed so hard at the antics of a puppet trying to live in our world. It’s totally stupid — but the good kind of stupid. Perhaps the best kind.

Intermission!

• We’ve got a sloth down! A sloth down!
• Oh I am so tired of movies and TV shows doing popups for social media on the screen
• That sorority invested a whole bunch in balloons
• She’s worn a beret ever since
• She spelled “president” wrong
• Tyler is having a very hard day, nearly getting sliced in two with a katana
• “Does the crown look like it’s talking to you?”
• The homeless hugathon ended in a lot of vomit. Because of the smell.
• “What’s even wrong with your face right now?”
• Her friend is right: That sloth is probably riddled with parasites
• “I think it’s dope, yo.”
• “Tonight is going to be one hell of a party.”
• Wait, the sloth can read and use computers?
• “I am super lit you are running for president.”
• “I’m like heart horny.”
• T-shirt slogan: Don’t rush, take it slow
• There’s a rush semi-formal
• Losing a whole lotta people during a montage, aren’t we? And nobody’s called the cops yet?
• I can’t stop obsessing about the one girls’ super-deep/weird voice
• I did NOT see that car hit coming
• Alpha taking a picture with its victim and posting it on social media
• “She’s a cute Chucky!”
• Beating a sloth with a sorority paddle while chanting a cheerleader song is what I needed in my life
• “I’m 40-something…”
• The sorority mother has the looooooooongest death speech
• “I love you!” “I know.”
• Why would this sorority have a random framed picture of Panama?